the knife story

He'd taken me to some out of town tourist park during off season.  His families caravan sat unattended along with the others.  I had a feeling why he'd taken me there, that is: what he wanted from me.  On this day I wasn't in the mood.  I'd been at the beach all the previous day and was pink down the back of my body.  My skin hurt, was hot and dry and stinging just to exist.  Sex with him was out of the question.  Parking his divvy fan along side the caravan, we get out and he shows us around the caravan.  I found it too small, claustrophobic.  Not a place I wanted to have sex with him in.  Can't recall him actually asking me or making any moves though I know it happened since I knocked him back.  Inside his Divvy van later he grabs a knife from somewhere and holds it to my neck telling me, "I can really hurt a person if I don't get what I want".  First off I was shocked and scared when I saw the knife.  Wasn't sure what type of person he was since we'd only been dating for a couple of months.  Looking at the knife to see what type and what size it was- it was small non descript knife, then at this face to see how serious he was, a part of me didn't care.  Not too long ago my long term boyfriend had dumped me and I'd been heart broken ever since.  That kind of can't eat, can't talk, can't smile emptiness that takes ages to go away.  Part of me was thinking just do it.  Stab me.  I'm not going to have sex with you anyway.  Another part of me got really angry over him trying to force me into sex with him.  Even if I did have sex with him under that condition I'd have never been ok with it.  It would have been the last time I saw him and I'd have told somebody.  I ended up grabbing the knife off him and shoving it back at him and saying, "So can I".  Not really sure what possessed me or gave me the courage aside from anger and total disregard for life.  He realised he ain't getting any, started the car and took me home in a really bad mood.