riding to school with the cool boy

allan was the cool boy at school, the most popular boy in our year 9 class, popular in general. everyone liked him. the tall dark and handsome type. he lived across the road from me. we'd known each other since we were 8. we were mates, just mates, practically like brother and sister we'd known each other for that long.

i use to go over to his house and do times tables with him and eat his mum's home made donuts. his little sister was my best friend. when girls at school found out allan lived across the road from me they'd come over to visit and hang out the front hoping to catch a glimpse of him. he always stayed inside.

in class he and i joked about the 'thud' in the middle of the night. his flopping his chop out to go to the toilet. it became our private joke. me talking about how it was so long i'd ran it over on my way in to my house. him saying he needed a hose reel to reel it back into his pants.

one morning leaving for school he's out the front. pulls me up and asks me for a lift. i laugh because there's no way i can give him a lift. i'm not strong enough to dink him. so allan says he'll dink me all the way to school. no problem. and off we go.

i'm sitting on the handle bars, him doing all the work. i could hear him puffing in my ear, me reveling in his stamina and strength. super impressed with how cool and strong the opposite sex is. rock up to school like that and of course we're the talk of the town for a day.

birthday bonk

control gives you wings

she was playing games. she knew it, she acknowledged it. she knew it was necessary. for a long time she'd been having conversations about how intimacy with him was all one sided. all about him and what he was going to get out of it. rarely about her needs, her wants, her desires. no matter how often the conversation. it was a dead end situation, one that needed some twist on getting a resolution. previously she'd say it's not good enough, you need to stop trying for 4th base when by-passing 1, 2 and 3. then a situation like this would arise, special occasion, a couple of drinks, he'd think he's in like flynn. he'd be thinking sex is on the cards whether he puts in the work or not coz it's his birthday. he wouldn't put in the work. her organism and turn on would be up to her. he'd not play a part in it, no matter how often the conversation. no matter how many times she held back until he picked up his game, stating that she wouldn't put up with it, give in or give him what he wanted. not this time. this time was different and the occasion and drinks would not make her bow down. putting on a sexy outfit she grabbed the oil, dripped it onto her hand and touched herself to climax. he tried to touch and participate and she refused his advances. watch and learn she advised. he was turned on and a bit miffed at the same time. this wasn't what he wanted. he wanted in. after she drips oil on his erection and strokes him with her hand. at first he's ok until he realizes he's not 'in' and won't be 'in'. silently she grins to herself knowing that this is not what he wants, also knowing he doesn't give her what she wants, no matter how often the conversation (and he refuses to acknowledge it), so too bad. stiff shit. deal with it buddy. and watch and learn!

happy happy joy :(

i wish i was like other people. i wish i enjoyed life, felt happy, having a good ol' time existing. i see people around me, happy, smiling, loving life. glad to be alive. blabbering on about how grand their life is, how good their man is, their job, their family and friends blah blah blah.

i want to tell them to shove it!

i see pictures of people in their happy worlds doing this, doing that. traveling here, traveling there. making money, losing weight, or not caring if they don't lose any weight. care free. not a problem in the world.

then there's me. i don't work the way they do. i see shit every where. pollar bear numbers declining. elephants and rhinos being hunted for horns. kids abused. people treated like objects. men who are slaves to money. people fighting over religion.

not to mention my personal life which is a schmozzle. a lover who tells me crap things about myself, i.e. you don't dress sexy enough, i thought you were jealous of that girl because she's prettier than you .. and i don't know how i'm supposed to move on from shit like that.

aside from the fact that i feel really sad a lot lately and don't need that added extra on top.

been waiting for this mood to pass and it's still here haunting me. clinging on and on. all the while pretending i'm ok because that's what people want to see. having to hide my true feelings because noone wants to be around miss sad sack.

not sure the world is made for people like me...