vanity - short story

Doing her tricep curls in front of a mirror at the gym, she saw her reflection she nearly baulked.  What hideous thing looked back at her.  Something chubby and squat, with deep dark rings under the eyes making her look old and tired.  Her recently acquired tan looked blotchy.  It was enough to send a wave of instant depression over her and she wanted to run out of the gym so no one could see her.

The mood wasn't helped by the fact that her yearly membership was almost up and she couldn't see a single positive result from all that time at the gym.  Ok, she only managed to go 2 or 3 times a week spending 45mins there doing the program her trainer had set out for her.  She couldn't go at all over the school holidays so there were chunks of the year where she'd been inactive.  Still, she thought she'd see some improvement by now.  Some incentive to keep going.  Instead she wanted to go home and drown her sorrows in a sweet bar of chocolate.  Not that she ate chocolate much, it was just the principle of the thing.

After the tricep curls she moved to the push up machine that allowed her to sit while pushing weights that worked her chest.  There was a man on the machine to her right, another on a machine opposite her, a couple of ladies working with personal trainers who were looking at her.  The urge to crawl into a hole to not be seen was massive.  Closing her eyes while she complete her work out, thoughts of her life came flooding in.  She had a nice husband, nice kids, a nice home and car, money.  Life was good.  So why didn't she like herself?  Why wasn't she content with her lot?

She was aware she wasn't the most hideous thing in the world and she didn't judge unattractive people harshly.  No.  Judgement was saved solely for herself.  How did she end up this way?  For as long as she could remember her mum had called her vain anytime she expressed an interest (negative or positive) in her appearance.  In primary and high school she was aware that the more popular girls were not always more pretty than her and could never understand why boys didn't like her in that way.  Until after high school when she realised the popular girls put out and she wasn't the putting out type.  There were moments when she looked in the mirror and thought 'I'm not too bad, why don't boys like me'.  While other times, such as now at the gym, she couldn't fathom having left the house to be seen looking this bad.

It's true, there were moments lately where she had feelings of hating herself (her looks and body) so much so she wanted to die.  Best die now while things aren't as bad as they're going to get and the coroner is faced with a half attractive body instead of a baggy fat ugly body.  Which took her back to the time she was a cashier and a woman around 50 or 60 came to the counter and was telling the young girl how your body loses elastin as you age.  Giving a demo on her hands, the lady pinched her hands and showed how long it look for the skin to fall back down again.  Shock!  Horror!  Something like that scares the life out of you when you're young.

Leaving the gym before the session was complete, she decided a cool shower and a good dose of moisturiser was what she needed.  After her shower she looked at her self and thought, at least I have nice breasts.  Gotta have something about yourself you like.  The shower, the moisturiser, washing her hair, left her feeling more human.  And yet, as always, she wondered 'when will I like myself?'  Or better yet when will I realise looks don't matter and there's more to life and happiness, than how a person looks?

walk in the park in the dark #2

Her approach surprised them completely.  The girl in black coming up to them in the dark and saying hi like they were old friends she'd stumbled upon.  They asked her where she had come from and laughed as they said hi in return and asked if she'd like to join them.  If it's not too intrusive, she said not wanting to over step the boundaries.  They were cool with it and didn't mind an extra person.  Great.  She sat down at the picnic table with them.

They all introduced themselves.  Billy who was Chinese, though she spoke more Chinese than he did which told her he was born here and didn't speak his native tongue much.  Nick (she loved that name) was Philippian and just a little bit good looking with a radiant smile and friendly contagious personality.  Chris was Indian with a lean dark body and a mass of wavy dark hair.  The blond girl in the hoodie was Jenna.  Jenna walked over to the other picnic table when she, the new girl in black, arrived.  Apparently Jenna was tripping and wanted to be alone.  Although there were other people at the other picnic table, also shy and not joining in with the more talkative bunch.

Billy was the one who was the most chatty with her.  He wore a white shirt with a lilac tie (he told her the colour since she couldn't tell in the dark) and drove what he called a silver 'Beamer'.  Of course they asked what she was doing out and about at night time.  She couldn't sleep.  The rest of her house mates had gone to bed and she felt antsy and caged so she'd gone for a walk.

a walk in the park

They were all high school friends catching up after Billy's brothers wedding.  They didn't get to see each other often since leaving high school, a local Catholic school.  She loved the irony of Catholic school boys at a park in the dark smoking and drinking.  They'd offered her a drink and she accepted, sipping tentatively.  Billy asked if she new what ruphie was and she said yes, rohypnol the date rape drug.  They laughed.  She was drinking slowly just in case.  Though by now she was sure they meant her no harm.  Just a bunch of guys out having a good time.  When asked she admitted to having had a bottle of wine before her walk, and a shot of vodka and a smoke.  Also why she couldn't sleep.  They thought her drinking wine was 'cute' though Nick thought her like for vodka was cool.

She asked the guy in the white shirt if he was their go to man, since he had on a business shirt and drover a BMW.  They wanted to know if she was a cop.  She laughed and said no, adding that she does drive a car that looks like an undercover cop car, more laughter, still she promised she was not a cop.  Again they asked what she was doing walking around at night.  She said escaping and they asked her what she had to escape from.  To them she appeared to be the type to having nothing to escape.  Everyone has something to escape from, she said, such as having this one job but wishing you had some other job.  Yes!  They could all relate and laughed about how she was just like them.

After some time they offered her a smoke and she said yes.  Using some smoking tool she'd never seen the likes of.  It was good stuff.  Smooth.  She still sipped her drink periodically.  A strong drink she'd never heard of before.  It might have had the number 12 on it.

At some stage she gave her mobile number to Billy, remarking about the randomness of her walk and stumbling across them (what she considered to be like minded people).  Of all the times she used to walk around she'd never seen anyone at the park after dark.  Maybe they might meet up again?

Later a Japanese guy came over to say hi, his name was Steve.  He was gone away with the fairies.  Apparently he'd come over because he was interested in the new girl in black.  Yet he didn't speak a word.  Too shy to even look at her, or too gone.  Some how they all got the Japanese guy to talk then left her alone with him. They talked about the difference between revenge and betrayal.  Her saying betrayal is worse, it's more calculated and methodical.  He was quite intense this Japanese guy, until he seemed to fall asleep standing.  She took this as her cue to go, and leave them all be.  She called out bye and headed of.
On her way back home she paid careful attention to whether she was followed or not.  She wasn't.  They all stayed behind at the pavilion enjoying the rest of their night.  She smiled to herself thinking what good fortune it was to stumble across them and be able to hang with them for a while.  They could have been bad people yet she was lucky, they were nice and friendly.  A fun way to end a restless night.

walk in the park in the dark

The voices were getting louder as she approached in the dark.  She tried to figure exactly where they were coming from.  Was it the park, the oval or the pavilion?  If it was the pavilion that was fine.  They wouldn't see her approach the park in the dark.  Wearing all black approaching quietly she didn't want them knowing she was there.  Not yet anyway, not until she figured out more about them.  Getting closer she confirmed they were at the pavilion and did not see her as she walked over to the park.

Sitting on the swing first then moving to the slide when her head started to feel topsy turvy, she could hear the voices better there.  She was trying to pick the accents, the nationality of the people.  Hoping they weren't some nationality or race that objected to girls walking around at night.  That could spell trouble for her.  They were guys and they were laughing and having a good time.  There was coughing which told her they were smoking.

She was feeling adventurous, reminiscing of her younger years and the times she used to walk around at night.  She did it often then.  Nowadays it was rare for her to walk around at night time.  What had changed?  Life.  The business of it.  The tiredness that came with the business.  And the notion that she shouldn't be walking around at night time by herself.  It hadn't been safe in her younger years either however she'd been more rebellious then.

Getting off the slide she decided to head into the wetland's walkways at the back of the park.  Moving stealthily they did not see her cross the park and disappear into the brush.  The sound of her thongs crunching on gravel seemed loud to her, yet she could hear the guys still laughing and talking, having no idea she was there.  The path she followed would take her around the wetlands and she would pop out near the pavilion.  If she felt brave enough.  In the dark everything was different shades of grey with black patches.  Everything was still visible as though a soft light shone from above yet when she looked up the moon was no where to be seen.  Hiding behind clouds perhaps.

Closer to the pavilion the gravel path ended at a wooden suspension bridge over the lake.  Walking across the bridge meant no brush or trees to hide behind and not a great deal of shadow.  Yet no-one noticed her cross the bridge, quietly, slowly.  Stopping now and again to make sure the tone of conversation hadn't changed, making sure they were still unaware of her presence.  The pavilion was now just meters away to her right.  She crouched down behind some tall grasses by the waters edge and listened to them talking.

Now she could hear they spoke English and they didn't sound of any race that might attack her if they new she was there.  Some cultures were like that, she feared; not liking girls being out alone in the dark.  Trying to pick the accent by what she heard and the race by the shapes of their silhouettes as they moved around the pavilion.  Asian judging by the short prickly hair.  One of them stood on the path just meters away from her.  If he headed towards the water he'd see her and give away her presence.  Up close she could hear they were just larrikining around, talking, laughing, smoking.  A punch of people having a good time. 

At this point she decided she would just get up and walk past them.  To her surprise when she did this, approached, walked through the group of guys, though she spotted one blond girl in a light hoodie, through the pavilion and out onto the oval, they all carried on as if nothing had happened.  They hadn't even noticed the stranger walk right by them.  She chuckled to herself and walked left away from the pavilion and the park.

Spontaneously she decided she'd turn around and walk right back over to them.  It could go a number of ways.  She hoped they were as friendly as they seemed.  Now upon them she hopped right up to a group of them and said hi.