when i was a young girl i did imagine sex. i though of it as two people lying on top of each other, naked, kissing. i didn’t know anything about penises entering vagina's or orgasms or babies. nothing more than the basics. boys were different to girls and women had babies and boobs. boobs fascinated me. i couldn’t wait to get my own boobs and have guys be enthralled with me they way men were enthralled with women and boobs on tv.
during my teen years i was never interested in sex. the closest i got to getting excited was then i was 15 and i visited a boy from school who was my age. when i came over his mum let me in while he was in the shower. he came out of the shower with just a towel around his waist, into the lounge room where i was and asked me to pass him a shirt. he only popped around the door way, not exposing himself fully. though not sexually aware or active i did think, “wow that was hot”. i know he noticed too because he grinned at me.
by late teens i had my first real boyfriend and he was always in the mood while i rarely was. we were mere toddlers playing with matches. we had no idea about sex or getting the girl aroused. what i knew i learned from him and his knowledge was limited. sex often hurt (because i was not lubricated) but was over fairly quickly so i played along. as the months passed by i began to feel sparks of wanton when i was around him. so i began to put moves on him now and again. still not quite enjoying sex, in the back of my mind i knew i was missing something. i thought i was missing him loving me - as appose to using me for sex.
my second boyfriend showed me what i was missing. he got me to orgasm and once i’d had that i knew what sex was all about.
still it took me a while to get my head around sex at this age. as in i was hard to arouse and thus hard to climax. now and again i would feel ‘horny’ and instigate sex, but rarely was i turned on or aroused. during my early to mid twenties i had issues with boyfriends mistaking my horniness for being ready. if i instigated sex it was assumed i was ‘ready’ (as in lubricated) and they’d want to just get to it. this type of sex coupled with the fact that i couldn’t organism during sex left me uninterested in sex in general. i could take it or leave it and when it was good i was glad and wanted more.
towards late twenties the libido began to turn up a notch. i had always been very visual. see a shirtless guy and i’d feel excitement and desire. i wouldn’t get aroused the way a guy might get aroused seeing a naked or semi naked girl but the lust was there. approaching the big three zero things spiked. some thing changed like a switch being turned on.
visual-ness peaked. suddenly there are so many gorgeous men and not enough life times to have them all. arousal happens spontaneously and even when no one is around. the feeling of sexiness is at an all time high. as is the desire to be cheeky and wear sexy items. it’s not that I’m a raving nymph. there are still moments when sex is the furthest thing on my mind and i couldn’t get in the mood if you paid me. yet the want, lust and desire are there now more than they were when i was younger. there is knowledge and passion where there was once naivety and disinterest. so completely different to how i was during my teens and even early twenties when sex was some obligatory thing you did to keep the guy happy. now i see it as something to do to keep me happy. i see sex as one of those things in life you can enjoy for free (or at little cost in any case).
i don’t know if there will be a life begins at forty thing or how things will be with regards to sex during the 50’s and beyond. i want to keep at it for ever and keep having fun and feeling sexy but for all i know there will be more important things on my mind in the future.
at least at this point in my life i like sex and i am happy about that.
