gold : english literature piece

Gold up in my teeth (taste like money when I speak)

    [i'm ballin' coz you & i got dollars and together we're wealthy -  but money doesn't buy happiness]

Don’t care what you say to me, I’mma bite your feelings out

    [i'll speak my mind no matter what]

And I missed you in the basement (bodies on the pavement)

Bu your bro was a good substitute for you

    [you're absent as usual, so i'll interact with your bro instead]

If you love me, love me, but you never let me go

    [if you love me you'd let me be free]

When the roof was on fire you never let me know

    [you don't express emotions so i can't tell if all is ok with you or not]

Say you’re sorry, honey, but you never really show

    [you always apologise yet you never change or adapt or show me you're truly sorry]

And I could leave the party without ever letting you know

    [i can be present in body but absent in mind and you'll never know or care]

those who like sex and those who don't

there are two types of male lovers. 

those who like sex and those who don't.

those who enjoy sex and those who want/expect sex.

those who want sex are:

males who expect quickies.
males who sleep with prostitutes.
males who rape.
males who only ever want one sided sex (their pleasure/climax).
males who are happy to put the same predictable moves on every time.

those who enjoy sex:

realise the joy to be had in giving as well as receiving.
understand the value of cuddling, caressing, touching, kissing.
understand the value of foreplay and how rewarding it is.
are curious about what his and his partner's bodies can do and the many different moves and positions they can experience.
enjoy the experience of finding out what their partner likes & having their partner explore their likes.
enjoy games, trying new things, the sound of their partner having a good time and actively participating.
care about both parties enjoyment.


which one are you?


p.s. this blog is about male lovers because it's what i've experienced. i image there are also females who like and enjoy sex in all it's glory and others who don't.

centrelink scam

my history with centrelink (once social security) is a long and annoying one, yet i'm not even the worst of any story out there to be told.

it begins with a teen pregnancy while still attending school. back then poor students got money from CL to help pay for books and tuition. as poor as i was i kept having to prove i was pore enough and argue with them that i needed help.

before the baby was born i applied for sickness benefits because i could not work and needed money. CL were annoyed that i wouldn't go out and get a job despite being 6 months pregnant and no one would employ me, plus being too sick (all day morning sickness and weighing a mere 39kg) to work.

i had to line up in a queue for 30+ mins, pregnant and fatigued (no sitting or I'd loose my spot in the queue). get to the counter and the person tells me i need X documentation to apply. i go home and get the form and return to CL another day, and queue again for a very long time. get to the counter and i'm told that form isn't enough, i also need X documentation. i'm pissed off but go home and return to repeat the process. my wait in the queue is 45mins on my feet, heavily pregnant (now they have seats and let people take a number). when i get to the counter i am told that my 2 pieces of documentation are not enough, i need a third document.

by this stage i am ropeable! i raise my voice and ask the person if they're kidding, then further ask why i wasn't told in the very beginning that i need 3 types of documentation!!!! couldn't help but feel it was some deliberate ploy staff are told to partake in to delay payments!? i made the assistant promise me this was the last additional thing i needed so i would not have to return and line up in a queue for 45mins again!

after the baby was born i went on single mother's benefits to help support and raise my baby. i could not work because i had no one to mind my baby and could not afford to pay anyone.

i'm on the single parent pension for some years and couldn't even consider getting into a relationship because CL expected whomever i dated to support me - so they could stop pay me my pension. what a stupid situation to put men in! having to support some new girl they've started dating. horrendous. no wonder so many single mums lie about being in a relationship. CL could at least consider waiting until a relationship is serious before expecting some poor bloke to support the woman he's dating.

cut to some years later, i start work, save money and buy a house. i work for years paying taxes.  my pay is only 22K p/a and CL don't offer mortgage assistance they way they would if i were renting so my child and i struggle along on my meager wage and we live in near poverty - yet lucky enough to have a roof over our head. when i quit that job (due to working with dreadful men) and apply for CL.  CL consider my house an asset (of course) but not my child, and pay me very little.  my son and i lived off $220 per week - it's better than nothing t least.

i find another job, better paying than the last yet still not quite enough to live flush. CL pay me childcare benefits for low income earners to help put my child through school and feed him. i eventually get into a relationship that became serious and the man moves in.

he has come from interstate and is unemployed while he searches for a job. he applies for unemployment benefits while he searches and CL consider his application. he mentions living with me on his application and this causes CL to STOP my childcare benefits because i now have a man who can support me (even though he's unemployed and has applied for benefits himself).

months and months later his application is rejected because i earn too much (45K a year for me, my son and new partner). i talk to CL about all those weeks/months of missed childcare benefit payments from them and am told i had 14 days (only) to fight their removal of my benefits (14 days from the time payments were stopped). which i couldn't have fought because the boyfriends' benefits were still being processed... they don't back pay even though his claim in rejected.

so i lose hundreds of dollars in payments from CL (they paid around $120 per week childcare benefits) and lose my childcare benefits status which entitles me to a childcare fee rebate (for after school care while I worked) and i don't get a cent of it back. at all! ever!

some time later i work as a temp which means my earnings are not set and i have to guesstimate my potential earnings for the year in order to receive my childcare benefits. one year my guesstimation is incorrect and CL send me a bill for $700 that i owe them for their over payment because i earned more than i said i might.

this is but one story of the hell that is CL and the way they treat those who seek their help.

have a CL story of your own? share below.

toxic masculinity, is there such a thing?

it's a word being thrown around a lot these days.  some say there is no such thing as toxic masculinity.  to say such a thing implies all men are toxic, that being masculine is toxic.

not all men are toxic.  many are wonderful people with open arms and kind souls, raising more males to be just as decent.  however some male behaviors are toxic.

hateful talk of women.
sexual harassment.
beating women.
raping women.
watching women being beaten and raped.
hurting children.

yes women can be toxic too and those above behaviors are not just male issues.  for sure there are women who need re-education on how to behave nicely to others.  and yes, we don't hear the phrase toxic femininity being thrown around .. what's with that?

i guess this is because men are currently out-weighing women with their toxic behaviors and men are stronger and more prone to acting out violence (on women, men and children).  toxic behaviors such as anger, violence, hatred, murder, king hitting, rape, hurting children, gang bashing, gun violence, negative incel behavior.

when these issues are raised men start telling people to stop talking about men like men are a problem.  like it's a problem to be male.

this is not what's being said.  what is being said is, more men than women are feeling disgruntled right now and acting out on that disgruntlement.  male suicide rates are high.  male violence is high.  partner beatings and killings are high.  there must be a reason for this!  unhappy men.  men feeling pressure to me manly.  men not being able to talk about whats on their minds and seek help.  mental illness.  addictions.  men growing up around other men who raised them to feel shit about themselves and thus pass the buck on.

there are many reasons why men are feeling disgruntled.

the point of talking about the toxic side to being male is to bring these issues to light and work on ways to resolves these issues.  it's not to throw men under a bus for simply being male. instead of saying #notallmen are toxic, let's acknowledge that many are struggling and all good men to be part of the solution!

women cannot fix men's issues. when they try they're hated for being feminists pushing their own agendas (to hate and control men).  when the phrase toxic masculinity comes out men get their jocks in a knot instead of admitting, not all men are, but many men are and all men can help.

note: more often than not an abuser was also abused (male or female).  we need to help these people before they hurt others or themselves.

tinder date falls off balcony and dies in australia

when i first heard about this story on the news i thought tostee had thrown warriena off his balcony - that is what the press made out had happened. when listening to the recording of what happened that night .. it's not that cut and dry.

warriena and tostee meet 8:45pm after they speak on their mobiles and describe where they are and what they're wearing. warriena must have liked tostee and felt good around him in that initial meeting because video footage shows they are back at his apartment complex by 8:58pm. they take selfies and warriena sends them to her sister at around 9:45pm.

tostee didn't start recording until 12:56am, 4 hours after getting back to his place. what happened to make him start recording then? did he start to feel he was getting intoxicated and want to record what happened for memory purposes (as he states is something he did often). or did something happen that made tostee feel the need to record?

59seconds into the recording one of the first things we hear, after tostee turns the music on, is tostee telling warriena not to leave 'don't go baby, please'. so at this point she had planned on leaving. tostee seems to sidetrack her with food and pouring her another drink.

by 1:15am it's fairly evident that warriena is quite drunk. she talks of seeing shadows in tostee's apartment and says something about it being her dead dog. warriena then starts hurting tostee, doing her muay thai. whacks can be heard and tostee saying 'ow, shit'.

they seem to have some type of 'play fight' like warriena is hitting tostee and he's say ow and don't hit me. he seems to be playfully wrestling with her in return, trying to be patient, take her whacks without hurting her in return.

at around 1:20am tostees says 'get on my bed', warriena says a few things but it's not legible until she starts saying forest gump a few times (some code word for stop they previously discussed?) - in a way that sounds like she's begging for mercy. tostee asks 'what about it?' there is the sound of mild struggle and warriena says 'you're not going to do shit to me'. then they talk about tostee and glasses. followed by warriena saying 'you've gotta read the thing (or the signs?)' signs she's not into sleeping with him?

to be honest it sounds as tough tostee is trying to bed her and she is not going along with it, or she is but is hurting him in the process - or hurting him trying to keep him from having sex with her? yet with only a recording it's hard to know what is taking place.

at 1:26am tostee is saying he thinks she's had too much to drink, serious, i should walk you home, go for a walk, please stop that, you're crazy, just relax baby, please. saying he's had a very nice night but .. he doesn't like getting beaten up. warriena says she's not crazy and he's like a christian (because he doesn't like being hurt?)

what is making warriena want to beat him up/play fight? is this something she did often to others as well? or was there something about tostee that made warriena feel she had to show her fighting prowess? chances are she was probably showing off in a drunken playful way, although tostee clearly ins't enjoying it.

1:33am tostee asks if she wants another drink, then says he wants another drink. warriena says she doesn't want a drink anymore and says 'i think it'll be good if you just chill', saying she wants to make sure he's ok, not being weird .. (or words to that effect). we can assume by this statement that she started play fighting and tostee got more physical which left warriena wanting him to 'chill'.
tostee says 'come here'.
warriena says 'ok, have a good night, i'll close the door.'
tostee 'don't close the door no no, do you want me to walk you back home?
warriena 'no it's ok'
tostee 'no come on don't be like that'
warriena 'just have good night .. um ..'
tostee 'stay here and i'll take care of you in morning'
something slams, he says 'hey, you ok?'
warriena 'no'
tostee 'just stay the night'
warriena 'no, good night'

there is the sound of scuffling and blurred sounds. maybe people getting dressed. tostee asks her to pass him a plastic bag then more shuffling sounds. the music stops.

at this stage something has happened to make warriena want to leave. tostee says he's being beaten up yet he doesn't want her to leave. instead she is the one who has wanted to leave twice so far.

it's at this point that warriena can't find her phone (the one that was found in tostee's pocket after her death). tostee says he'll ring the phone but claims to not know the number even though it would be in his phone because they spoke on the phone prior to meeting up that evening.

1:36am tostee says 'hey, i didn't say you had to leave, i just said stop beating me up.' warriena is agitated at this point saying 'are you going to fuckin muay thai me because i will fuckin destroy your jaw'. she says it's not fuckin funny - giving the impression he is perhaps grinning at her making her feel taunted .. ?

this is when warriena says she's going to call the police because she feels like he's stolen from her (phone and money) and threatens to call the police to make him give back her stuff. at this stage tostee says 'call them with what? i thought you lost your phone'.

tostee 'shit, i should never have given you so much to drink, i though we were going to have fun, i don't deserve this shit alright, i'm a nice fuckin guy.'

1:39am tostee 'your phone must be out of battery .. it must be on the balcony.'

at this stage tostee is trying to calm her down while warriena is getting angry because she can't find her phone. she rambles on about being rich and being taken advantage of. you can hear her open the balcony door, go out look for her phone then come back in, balcony door sliding.

tostee asks her if she remembers beating him up half an hour ago. warriena says she did that because he called her a freak. warriena says 'i'll be gone, i'll be out of your hair, see you later, i'm going.'

the phone is found by tostee. warriena says 'see you later.' this is the third time she has talked about leaving.

1:41am tostee wants to sit down with warriena and discuss this. even though he claims she's psycho and beating him up he doesn't seem to want her to leave. some say that's because he was hoping to have more sex. i'm assuming the sex happened prior to his recording because no sexual encounter is heard on the recording [unless I miss something] (though apparently they had sex at some point) and warriena and tostee talk about his penis size later (meaning she must have experienced it at some point to know what it looks like).

warriena is calm now, saying she's a freak (for freaking out), then they chat about bruises and tostee tells her she should just stay overnight, saying he's the most tolerant person in the world. warriena says she's the most tolerant in the person in the world. tostee 'you're just a bit violent though.'

they talk about food again. perhaps tostee thinks that them eating will help sober the situation or keep her staying longer, or perhaps he's hungry himself. he then says he's not the type of guy you wanna beat up. warriena gets momentarily teary at this stage (as you do when you're drunk) and again talks about how she's taken advantage of.

they talk friendly for a while about mythology, again warriena talks like she saw something, asking 'where'd they go?'. talking about how gods are talking to her and she's seeing things. tostee is being nice, friendly, saying 'you're kinda mental but in a really cute way.' he wants to sit with her and snuggle.

1:51am warriena goes to the toilet and tostee whispers 'got help me, shit.' the kind of thing you say to yourself when you're drunk and the night has been weird. he mumbles to himself something about 'fuckin bitch, i wanna smash you .. '. this is whispered so quietly it's barely audible (he knows the recording is on). this is most likely in reference to the fact that warriena is hurting him and he's not liking it.

more drinks are poured. warriena says 'i don't think anyone would give a shit.' tostee says 'i give a shit.' warriena says something about 'if i jumped off a plane nobody would give a shit'.

1:56am tostee talks about being sad because his granddad died. they talk about grandparents. warriena starts talking tagalog and spanish. more drinks are poured and they start talking about social media - perhaps checking warrien's phone ?

2:02am they start talking about uk men's dicks being bigger, tostee asks about his size .. warriena sounds like she's talking another language again, then there is a noise and tostee says 'hey hey hey hey no violence'. the phone sounds funny, he asks 'reload?', moments later he laughs and more drinks are poured. there sounds goes funny again, there is some conversation and what sounds like a scuffle (but it could just be interference), warriena tells tostee to chill out, it's cool and tostee tells warriena 'it's not cool here'. meaning the play fighting isn't cool?

warriena asks tostee to tell her sister she's not a douche and he says so long as she promises not to beat him up anymore.

around 2:07am tostee says he's about to expire and needs to go to sleep. warriena says 'me too.' tostee says she can sleep next to him but he doesn't want her to beat him up. warriena says 'me too, i don't want you to be a dick.' this makes me wonder .. is she play fighting with him because she thinks he's being a dick to her? what is making her feel the need to exert herself and prove her strength? tostee talks about food again. warriena says she's not hungry.

warriena talks about him telling her sister he's not a fictional character. she talks about sam winchester and tostee whispers 'kiss me'. warriena doesn't seem to accept his advances (kiss, snuggle). tostee asks what is he supposed to do (I assume he's referring to her early fictional statement), she says 'flash your penis' and they joke about that for a bit. more drinks are poured.

she's asks 'what have you got here?' tostee says 'fuck off, that's from the cops, don't do that. i told you, if you go all kung fu on me .. ow .. i'm gonna kick your arse.' he jokes about satisfying her sexually. he calls her a wus, she asks if he wants to see what a wus looks like, he says no not again .. she starts play fighting again. he says relax or i'm going to have to kick your arse. he keeps asking 'what am i going to do with you?'

2:10am sound of scuffle then warriena says in pain 'that really hurt my vagina' and it's pretty much down hill from here. he laughs, they still scuffle, she says he sounds like a faggot. she whimpers, he laughs. this goes on for about a minute and ends with him saying 'oh hey down there.' it's quite for a moment then the scuffling starts again. you can tell that he is asserting his strength, and no doubt she is feeling very miffed - because he's turning what she deems as playful fighting into something more serious.

although dr phil always says no matter what a woman is doing to you, you don't ever have the right to lay your hands on her. tostee could handle her play fighting in any number of ways, such as letting her leave his apartment the numerous times she made moves to leave but he seems to like her and want he to stay.

this is where the bebbles come in. you can here her grabbing them and tostee telling her no no don't, they're not real, they're only fake. warriena starts throwing pebbles at tostee.

2:12am tostee says 'she's insane .. laughter .. alright i give up .. what do you want? what do i have to do?' a pebble is thrown and tostee reacts in pain. warriena says (though it's so slurred it's hard to make out - it almost sounds like 'try to love sam') 'try to understand.' tostee answers her calmly 'do what?' she repeats herself twice 'try to understand. try to understand dick!' clearly aggitaged. tostee says 'alright, i'll power (or bow) down.'

i can image what she means is try to understand that using your strength to hurt me is not ok - but this is supposition.

he asks who is sam, she says sam winchester. there is a loud bang and tostee sighs 'i'll bow down to sam.' warriena 'sam winchester.' she repeats for a while 'winchester'. warriena hurts him again and he says 'ow i'll do what you want. sexually i'll be your slave.'

at this stage i'm not sure what tostee is thinking. i'm guessing he's trying to calm the situation down and get things back under control. warriena keeps slurring 'winchester.' not at all sure what she is meaning by saying this name again and agian, though she is clearly agitated and attacking tostee.

2:13am there is more of a scuffle, pebbles being thrown, tostee saying ow and that's enough. warriena says 'that's not enough'. the scuffle gets worse, things get more serious, and warriena grunts as she is overpowered. tostee if puffing. warriena mumbles something like 'hey it's all good.' randomly warriena says seriously she needs to shit. maybe this is her way of trying to get him off her? or, maybe, he's got her in a position that makes her want to release her bowls?

warriena whimpers and tostee says he doesn't care 'that's enough. that is more than enough. you've worn out your welcome, you're not my kind of girl, that's enough, right.' he is huffed and puffed. warriena is under him, whimpering and saying 'no, seriously'.

tostee 'you have to leave'
warriena 'ok', 'it's all good' breathing rapidly. 'he know's', 'hey it's all good'
tostee 'i need a nice girl'
warriena 'hey it's all good'
tostee 'not a fuckin .. not a funkin .. not a fuckin ..'
warriena 'it's not about who you need, it's not about who .. '
tostee 'yeah it is, you're fuckin insane'
warriena 'it's not about who you need, it's about who gives a shit .. baby'
tostee 'fuck' (she mumbles and whimpers) 'i thought you were only kidding but you're not'
warriena 'i need to poo'
tostee 'you poo, go on, right now, i do need a sample of dna'
warriena is breathing heavily, like it's a struggle to breath (remember she is seriously drunk too which would make being overpowered even worse)

2:15am tostee 'see i thought you were kidding and i've taken enough, this is fuckin bullshit. you're lucky i haven't chucked you off my balcony you goddam psycho little bitch'
warriena whispers something like sorry
tostee 'who the fuck do you think i am, yeah do your muay thai now' huffs and puffs 'what? what? got something to say? say it'
warriena 'yeah'
tostee 'say it'
warriena mumbles, she is breathing rapidly.
tostee 'what?
warriena 'you're a sexist' by this she no doubts means him using his superior male strength to overpower her and scare her in this way.
tostee 'yeah right, i'm the one who's injured, you don't have a goddamn scratch on you, little bitch' suggesting she's hurt him enough to injure him.
warriena 'seriously, hey ??' her words are muffled like her face is pushed into something.
tostee 'seriously what? seriously what?'
warriena 'hey ?? really'
tostee 'seriously what?
warriena 'i'm sorry' ? mumbles

2:16am tostee 'i thought you were just playing around but i'm fucking sick of this shit, goddamn psycho. i'm going to let you go, i'm going to walk you out of this apartment, just the way you are, you're not going to collect any your belongings, or anything, you're just gonna walk out, and i'm gonna slam the door on you, do you understand? if you try to pull anything i'll knock you out, i'll knock you the fuck out, do you understand?
more aggressive 'do you understand! do you understand?
warriena (faint) 'yes'
scuffling then tostee 'come on, get up, get up, get the fuck up, get up!'
warriena 'i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry'
tostee 'i don't care, get up'

a struggle ensures. is tostee trying to shove her out the door? is warriena trying to grab her stuff? perhaps this is when warriena grabs the telescope bracket (they say was disturbed at the scene)? but did she have time? was it close to her? or did she grab it earlier?

2:17am tostee 'you don't understand do ya? you don't understand anything at all, do you? you don't understand, you don't understand do you?'
at this stage you can hear warriena chocking, it's a horrible garbled sound
tostee ' you just don't understand
more garbling from warriena.
[at some stage warriena got a hold of a part of tostees telescope. it's hard to tell exactly when this happened though considering she is in fear for her life stage it's understandable that she wanted to have this weapon as way to try and protect herself. however it just makes tostee more angry than he already is.]
tostee 'let go, you think you can hit me and i'll just fall down like in the movies? huh? you don't understand a thing do you'
more garbled breathing sounds coming from warriena.
tostee 'let go of it, let go .. let go .. let go (more serious)'
warriena garbles and struggles for breathe for a good 40 seconds
tostee 'let go'

2:19am 10 seconds later warriena finally drops the telescope bracket.
is it because she grabs the telescope bracket that tostee changes his mind on putting her out the front door and then decides the balcony is better? why didn't he stick to his plan of letting her up and out the front door?
there is a brief scuffle as tostee begins to drag warriena to the balcony and warriena says 'no, fuck, fuck off (sounding very slurred and panicked) fuck off'. no doubt shitting her pants by now because not 5 minutes prior he threaten to throw her off his balcony. she must have thought that was what he was going to do. she certainly knew by now that he had enough rage in him to be a threat to her.

2:20am tostee 'who the fuck do you think you are?'
warriena 'no'
tostee 'hmm?'
warriena 'no no no no'
tostee 'you tried to kill me hmm'
warriena 'no no'
tostee 'why'd you try to hit me with that hmm'
warrina 'no no no no no no (screaming the word by this stage) no! no!'
tostee 'not so cocky now'
warriena 'no no no no no'
tostee 'it's all on recorder you know, it's all being recorded'
warriena sreaming 'no no no no no no no no no no no no, just let me go home, just let me go home, just let me go home'
tostee 'i would but you've been a bad girl'
warriena 'Nooooo!' door slams and locks 'just let me go home, just let me go home, just let me go home, just let me go home ..'
audio shows the door closing and her voice becoming faint through the locked glass while tostee is inside, nearer to the phone, breathing heavily.
faint screams can be heard in the background.
tostee breathing heavily.

tostee doesn't ever react to warriena falling off his balcony. no omg! no holy shit. calling out her name .. instead at 2:21am he phones is lawyer.

he said he wasn't with it enough to remember much of what went on yet he was sober enough to know he should call his lawyer ..

he might not have meant her to die that night, he might not have thrown her off the balcony himself, however he did scare the living shit out of her. he did overpower her and by all accounts strangle her in some form. the coroner said there was no evidence of strangulation yet it's clear on the tape that her air intake is being restricted in an aggressive manner. what's not clear on the tape is how much this would have frightened her. 

when she's out on the balcony she doesn't have her phone with her and cannot call for help. is this why she chose to try and escape by attempting to climb down the balcony?

when tostee does react on the tape whispering 'fuck, fuck, fuck' and 'oh my god'. it's not reactive to warriena .. it's the tone one uses when they're thinking of themselves.

when he talks to his dad there is no emotion in his voice. a person has died, partly because of his actions, and he is nonplussed. there is no grief, no remorse, no wishing he'd handled things differently. no sadness at the loss of a life. just indifference.
equally as interesting is tostee saying to his dad 'why dose this shit always happen to me'. would love to know what 'shit' he's referring to. trouble with the police? trouble with women?

tostee claimed that he didn't look over the balcony because he knew she was dead and yet tries to phone her more than an hour after her death. he also tells his dad she ran out onto the balcony which is not the truth. tostee claims to not remember exactly what happened but you'd know you dragged someone to the balcony as apposed to them running to the balcony.

whiteness statements claim tostee told warriena 'you can't get down that way, go back inside'. there is no such statement made by tostee on the recording. he said nothing to warriena once she was outside and doesn't react at all to seeing her on the wrong side of the balcony and then falling.

there are discrepancies .. and yet it appears tostee did not throw the girl off his balcony. perhaps he should have been charged with assault at least, yet with warriena dead there is no one to prove she was assaulted. apparently the court didn't find the tape incriminating in that regard. he was, after all, said to be defending himself and it is evident throughout the recording that warriena is hell bend on play fighting - regardless of how many times tostee asked her to stop.

at the end of the day it's a tragic ending to a young life. and a horrific ending to a date that could have otherwise gone better. i think of the numerous times warriena went to leave and think .. if only she had.

there is little use for what ifs though.

what do you think about all this. is he guilty of something? is she guilty of something? or is it just a serious of unfortunate events?

kim kardashian is the cause of female inequality

she just doesn't know it ..

one of my biggest pet hates is people who are in a position of power who do nothing to further their brother or sisterhood, even worse when they go against them.

how male african american singer, songwriters treat their women for example. sexualising them, flashing money to show females can be bought and they've got the power to do so. bolstering their position in life by following in the footsteps of white men who 'buy & trade' people for a living. if they're wanting to better the lives of the females (and thus the children) in their lives  they're going about it the wrong way.

how muslim extremists blow themselves up for example. if they want to sell their religion to the world as being the one true religion, then blowing themselves up does them a disservice. i don't know about you, but, i don't want to be part of a religion where i might have to die violently for the cause.

how the male cast of GoT and other male movie stars don't stand up for the women in the show and demand the women get to remain as dressed as the men (or the men get to be as undressed as the women).

how kim kardashian sells her soul to the devil [i.e. sells her sexuality for fame and profit like some narcissistic, attention seeking school girl] regardless of the fact woman all over the world suffer from inequality.

kim kardashian narcissistic attention seeking

i mean really .. what is the above picture saying? what does kim achieve from this? what do her followers get from this image? what will her daughter get from this? more to the point, how does this image better the sisterhood and the plight of women globally?

one might argue it isn't kim's roll to save us all. i beg to differ. anyone in a position of power and fame and popularity should have it as their #1 cause to 'better humanity' .. not just cash in on their sexuality like some ditz with nothing else to offer but boobs, bum and vagina. little girls are watching this lady parade about in next to nothing. what is kim teaching them? "get naked 'aka sell your soul' and you too could be famous like me!"

not even nearly a good enough message!!!!

i know there are hoards of women out their crapping on about how women should be able to wear what ever we want and still be respected .. but the thing is we've been doing this bullshit (wearing little because supposedly we want to and not because the patriarchy sold us this as a way of defining ourselves as attractive to men) since the 70s and it hasn't gotten us anywhere!

we've been getting our boobs out for decades now and we're still not paid the same as men, still killed and beaten in ridiculous numbers, still trafficked for sex in the thousands, still tricked into making violent porn movies for men to masturbate over and coming out with ptsd, still killed by incels because we won't sleep with them, still sexually harrassed #metoo, still selling our daughters on insta for pedos to wank over, still doing the low paid menial jobs, still not presidents or primeministers, still not many astronaughts or ceo's.

come on kims of the world. put your clothes back on and get behind the sisterhood and make the world a better place for us. don't make it worse by sending daft messages to girls and boys that women are meant to be naked and sexy and plastic surgeried to beautification and boys are meant to lust after us and want to have sex with us .. and that's all we're good for.

put your clothes back on and stand up for women and them being equal to men!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. notice how kanye isn't getting undressed for the camera, posing in a g.string in a cupboard all sexy like. that's because he knows it's a ridiculous thing to do. men get it, they understand, they know!!!

why haven't women gotten that point yet?

the c word

the c word (derogatory word for a woman's vagina/a woman herself/a sexual woman) has become mainstream. people are using it in every day conversation and apparently as a way to say 'mate'.

the c word wasn't always a derogatory word for a woman's vagina/sexuality. once upon a time women were equal to men and we all just got along. until we settled and began to 'own' stuff... which meant men now felt they owned their women and children, along with livestock and land.

in the last several 1000 years the c word has come to mean a bad woman who has too much sex. a disgusting woman. a feral woman. the easiest most harshest, most vulgar way to insult a woman.

it came to be the biggest most derogatory swear word in our language.

now why is it that a c@^t is worse than dick, prick, penis, nob, asshole, ball-sack, cock, bollocks, scrotum?  why is it that their is no equally derogatory swear word for men? how did women get labeled with the worst word in the world - simply because we have a sexual appetite?

the answer is easy: patriarchy and misogyny. ownership of women and of their sexuality. one way to put a woman in her place is to teach her having a sexuality is wrong and bad. men don't have the same restrictions and confinements so they don't get a vulgar swear word for their sexual behavior.

thing is many women i know use this word to describe people who really annoy them and to me that is just not on!

for e.g. one friend called a MRA we know a c@^t and i told her she calling this man 'female genitalia' and that is just not ok. female genitalia is not a bad thing so don't be using that word to put a man down. when you say the c word you're essentially calling some one a vagina or labia or some other wonderful part of the female anatomy. you're also buying in to the notion that female genitalia/sexuality is bad.

that is one reason i never use the c word and don't abide by my friends using the term. i prefer to call horrible men dicks or pricks because that's what they are, though i usually refer to people as to what they're being i.e: angry, mean, hurtful, spiteful etc. they not awesome female genitalia. they are not the very thing they crave the most, and there is nothing wrong with being female, having a vagina and labia and clitoris, and a sexuality.

you're more than just your sexuality

i've seen this so many times in adults who were abused as children. believing that sexuality and sex is all they have to offer. believing that sex is love, sex is how you show love, be loved.

i want to go up to these people, give them a big and hug and tell them they're so much more than that. bigger than that. take away the sex and there is an amazing person who has so much to offer the world. it's just lost under the 'personal truth' they've come to believe about themselves.

i am no angel

i am no angel i like it when you do that stuff to me
i am no angel i like it when you talk talk, dirty when you talk talk
kicken heels, lingerie, pantyhose, foreplay
leg up, on the bar, in the back of your car
latex, champagne, bubble bath, whipped cream
cherry pop, tag team, can you make me scream
i wanna do some dirty things to you tonight
i wanna fly, all through the night
something or other, blah blah, tickle me, slippery
g spot, nasty pose, in a video
love machine, by myself, climax, hot wax
s & m, on the floor, i like it hard core
can you go down, are you up for it, baby
can you turn me out, are you up for it,
talk to me, talk to me, talk dirty to me

there's a lot in there i don't mind. not sure what turn me out means? sounds painful and i don't do pain. i do enjoyment. there's somethings in there i wish i did more often and some things i wish no one did - at least publically. says she writing a blog about sex stuff.
like tag team, yeah maybe but only if it's respected and she's treated like a person and not some piece of shit with holes to stick things into. more than one guy can get rude as soon as they share, make out she's a tramp for agreeing to do something they all wanted to do. the more guys the more disrespect. so yeah if it's a case of them being accepting of her having the desire for it as much as they do, then good. if not then anger wells. it's not ok to want to play tag team then hate women if they like it too. no need to shun, talk down to, gossip about and treat like pond scum after the fact. you wanted it too remember.

guys can't seem to respect the woman for the numerous things they want from her. for example men who won't do raunchy things with their girlfriends / wifes because they see those actions as slutty or whoring. the kind of thing only dirty girls (like this singer) would do. what a pity we're differentiated like that, seen as some girls being dirty for liking kinky sex, while others are pure and clean because they like the standard model.

i here this song and feel like i want to agree with where she's coming from but instead i cringe because i know girls who like what she's saying are not respected and her singing about it doesn't make it respected. instead people hear this song and think of sluts, hookers, porn stars, dirty girls. as apposed to females simply enjoying their sexuality.

of course if wonder how much of what she sings is actually anybodies sexuality (without already being preconceived by upbringings laced in female sexual objectification).

men want sex more than women

been told that since i was knee high to the grasshopper. maybe it's true. maybe it's not. don't really care what the 'experts' say. coz i know when it comes to sex i think about it often and in more detail than my man.

i think about the small details. where; a party, a night club, a company dinner, driving in the car. what i'm wearing at those events, my actions, his actions

i think about things like him checking to see what bra i'm wearing while nobodies looking. what knickers do i have on. are they his favourite? does he like the feel of them. him kissing my neck randomly. him licking my ear while people are occupied. us whispering sweet nothings. he'll  tell me he's thinking about my nipples. me telling him i'm thinking about tickling his balls. random shit to appeal and tease.

i think of him in me too, times, scenarios. but it's the lead up, getting in the head space that appeals the most. the flirting. the teasing. the seduction. SEDUCTION is the operative word. tantalizing. titillating. teasing. touching.

i think of things like him touching me while we watch tv. me sucking on his ear lobe. caressing. distracting. doesn't have to lead to sex. just hint at it and be part of the pre fun, the build up, the wanton.

i think of things like him really teasing me with his cock. lightly touching my entrance. stopping, starting. going in, coming out. lightly touching the entrance again and so it goes until i can't take it any longer and just have to feel him in me, deeper.

men may want it more, but i think about how to make it awesome and fun and so lustful we feel like love gods.

I feel this way when you ...

conversation goes as follows:

i feel neglected when you invite me along to a gathering, insist that i come along, get upset if i don't, only to leave me for dust upon arrival.  i need you to remember i'm there or let me choose to not come.  [by choose i mean accept i'm not coming and don't argue the reasons i should come, and don't try to badger me into coming]

there's a fair bit of push and shove that goes on at this point.  him defending his actions.  me trying to reason my view.  it goes back and forth for a while.

there is either an impasse or a sorry that comes afterward and a promise not to do it next time.  at which stage i start insisting on not having [being forced] to attend the events [they're clearly not for or about me - my enjoyment is not relevant].  at which stage he'll accuse me of not trying to mingle and i'm like, yeah i know, i don't like mingling / being left on my own.  you want me there .. do more with me. blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda

each time i insist on not going, though maybe once a year i get swayed into going, only to groundhog day the whole thing over and over again.  wondering why i haven't kicked myself in the head yet.  wondering why he can't accept this is what happens and accept that i don't enjoy myself and don't want to do it.

why why why .. delilah ???

it's exasperating.  how do you reason with someone like that?

happy australia day

... how safe was it really?

people are calling australia day invasion day yet it was not an invasion. the people coming here were not coming to deliberately wipe out a nation. they were not coming to invade, divide and conquer.

unlike vikings who had deliberately gone to britain to rape and plunder. explorers had no idea people were on this land and by the time they got here (after months at sea) it was a bit late to turn back.

and why would they? they arrived saw it was a nice place and decided to stay.

it is unfortunate that the history of this exploration day turned into a bloody, racist mess that continues to this day, however we need to be real about history.

aboriginals were fierce warriors well trained in mortal combat. they killed and fought each other long before white man came along. they did what native americans (and the rest of the world) has done for time immortal. move into a place for the resources, and kill those who resist, amalgamate those who are left. it's not some 'new' thing white man invented and brought along to australia .. it was here long before white men got here. aboriginals of gippsland didn't fear the warruguls (wild dogs) because they were peace loving beings. they feared them because they were fierce warriors who killed other aboriginals.

aboriginals (and native americans) were not these idealistic beings we make them out to be .. living in harmony with their land. they wiped out entire species long before white man came along. they turned forests into desserts from overusing resources. they raped, murdered and pillaged just the same as all humanities.

hypocrisy at its best

and whilst white man won the battle due to superior weapons, aboriginals harmed white families also. white men were afraid of aboriginals because they were so fierce and were killing them, their families and livestock. it wasn't a white superiority thing where invaders moved in and shot up the place upon arrival. aboriginals fought the new comers and white men fought back. both sides fighting for their lives and livelyhoods* (but no intentionally).

it was a horrible, tragic, bloody war between two nations .. and the explorers won (just like the spanish vs aztecs, romans vs britains). all that's left to do it amalgamate and learn to get along.

eckhart tolle would say that holding onto the past causes pain no longer relevant (or happening) in the here and now. exploration day happened 200 years ago. none of us alive today experienced that bloody war. however we're still treating each other as the enemy (just like north and south ireland with their crazy battle that continued for hundreds of years).

by arguing over 'australia vs invasion day' we're holding onto the past as though it still defines us, and invasion day does not define who we are as a nation (in fact the statement is false altogether). i am not an invader .. nor are you! we are just a bunch of aussie's living in a country we love and enjoy.

we can't move on until we let the past go (and perhaps this mindset [holding onto the past] is what's holding firsts nations back?). it would be like jewish people continually harassing germans for genocide of their people some 70+ years ago. how can you get along if you still hold onto that?

sure there are still serious issues to address such as the amount of aboriginal men being locked up (just like african amercians in the u.s.), removing aboriginal children from their homes etc. however this has nothing to do with 'invasion day' and more to do with underlying issues within aboriginal communities (such as poverty and lack of education) that we need to address.

time to stop arguing over semantics and dates (which has changed already a number of times), stop letting the past define us and get on with fixing issues that are happening in the here and now!

in the meantime let's celebrate how lucky we are to be able to live in this amazing country called australia .. that belongs to none and is enjoyed by all.

hence australia day, a celebration of living in the lucky country.

*i am in no means down playing the tragedy that befell aboriginals, they killed some new comers (men, women and children), the new comers decimated whole families an villages, wiping out entire tribes in some cases. it's a horrible history and an uneven war. and who knows how it could have played out if things had gone some other way ..

electronics

everything we do is a fake

we go on our dates with our phones

we watch tv together miles apart

we have sex without intimacy

we don't have conversations

face to face

eye to eye

we hide  behind things .. electronics

never having to connect

connected

yet fully disconnected ..

if i ran the world

sex ed in schools would be less about penis in vagina, guy cums, girl gets pregnant. and more about the many ways guys and girls can please each other, and the love, attraction and feelings that come with sex.

empathy and ethics would be a compulsory part of education from kindergarten to uni, keep it going so people well and truly get it by the time they're adults.

it would be compulsory to reduce the amount of sugar and bad foods we have access to.

have a minimum wage for everyone and a cap on all wages so no one person could be ridiculously rich at the expense (literally) of others.

make it that the money that would have lined the pockets of the rich goes towards making the lives better for their fellow country men.

help farmers produce natural non gmo foods.

our country produced our food and that it only produced enough, not over production for the purpose of greed and profit.

gmo would be banned.

factory farming would be banned.

pesticides would be banned. let us eat natural foods, seasonal foods. have places even where people can pick and pay for their own.

make it that people have to choose their own animal to be slaughtered (by them) and take home to eat.

make mental health care a priority for those who have suffered trauma and suffer from illnesses.

parental classes and marriage classes would be mandatory during formative high school years.

teachers would be trained to better deal with a different array of children. make it harder and more elite to become a teacher so that they're specialty trained.

keep medicare the same and use the money that rich men would be earning above their salary cap to keep the system healthy.

allow euthanasia. we put pets down when there is no hope for them. people are no less worthy of the same respect.

foods that we know are bad for us would be limited or banned -  to help cull obesity which only exists because of greed.

addiction would not be a criminal offense, it's a health issue and should be treated as such.

gay marriage would be legal. give all people equal rights.

the use of female sexuality to sell items unrelated to sexuality would be banned. sexualised sexism would be against the law because women are people not commodities.