sexual human beings

Humans are highly sexual beings.  There are people who aren’t this way, however, for the most part we really like sex, talking about it, thinking about it, fantasizing about it, having sex. I am one of those people who likes sex. 

We like it so much so we’ve gone out of our way to reproduce it as much as possible.  Billboards, video hits, magazines, posters, movies, sexting, even user profiles – not to forget the sadder aspects of porn such as child porn and over sexualising our children.  Almost all of humanity is now trying to out do each other over who can be the sexiest.  Instead of house wives we got porn wives, instead of teens we’ve got sexteens.  And more than enough interest to feed the hungry beast.

My view of humanity is that we’re really over grown ants.  In other words we’re animals or insects just the same as every thing else; we live to eat and procreate.  The rest is merely gathering honey for the queen bee.  It is a two fold thing in that: no wonder we like sex because we’re just animals and no wonder we enjoy it because it is one of the only things for free and something we don’t have to give to the queen bee (or do we?)

Though in this day and age we are giving to the queen bee, the King, big brother.  We’re giving it to every body, every where, any time any place.  This is a time of over indulgence (which may not last) and we’re not really good at saying no or enough.  So we give and give.  Or take and take.

As I said I’m one of those people who likes sex.  At the same time I think it is a very personal and private thing.  Something I don’t want to share with big brother.  A tad ironic considering I’m airing my views for all the world to see.  Yet, I believe, not in a porn start way, in a more seductive and sensual way.  Bringing, I hope, the normalcy, mystery and innocence back to sex.

I’m no prude.  When I’m in a relationship I like to have fun, experiment, play games, romanticize and fantasize.  Sex is a fun thing.  Something to be enjoyed.  No point wasting any session that comes our way.  That being said I don’t want to publicize my sex even when it’s a world rocking event.  I don’t want to do internet porn, sexting, showing my privates to the world and to be honest I wouldn’t want my daughter (if I had one) doing that either.

Doing strip teases for your man.  Going parking.  Role playing.  Dressing up.  Massages.  Trying new places and positions.  Going bush walking and fornicating like a pair of wild dogs.  I am all for these things.  Sex is fun.  It is pleasurable.  And slightly taboo hence its attraction.  Sometimes the sex is so good its earth shattering and I might wish I had a camera to capture the moment.  And want to do it all over again.

ripe - poem

KD

Full, plump bloated

Swollen belly

Heavy full sumptuous

Sensitive to touch

Taking in reserves

Storing Energy

Ready for the picking

Ripe and juicy

Ready to be devoured

Made for this

Ready for this

penis envy

“penis envy: the supposed wish of a girl or woman to have a penis, postulated by sigmund freud as a cause of feelings of inferiority and psychic.”

[i don’t agree with sigmund freud in his theories that not having a penis leads a girl to feel inferior.  i don’t consider men superior.  even men have feelings of inferiority - so this feeling is not born or superior or inferiority.  there are other societal influences that cause this in both men and women.]

for me penis envy means: wishing or wondering about what it would be like to have a penis at some point during our [female] lives.  have you ever wondered or wished this?  i have.

i have thought about what it would be like to wake up in a male body and have this thing dangling between my legs.  the first thing i’d do is grab it to see what all the fascination is.  of course grabbing it would make it hard which would feel good so i’d continue to play with the thing.  it would be an interesting feeling having an orgasm as a man.  i think once having experienced an orgasm as a man i’d have more understanding for the male drive towards having an orgasm.  then again, having been in male body for a day i would probably also get an idea about what it mentally feels like for a man, and would probably find out what it feels like to have pent up emotions that i can’t get out – with noone to talk to – thus creating an even bigger desire for orgasms in order to feel good.  i guess.  this is obviously all supposition on my [female] part.

i image if I was in a male body for a day i would probably play with my penis as much as possible.  i would want to know what scrotum feel like, how hard i can touch them before they feel discomfort.  what stroking the penis feels like.  what having a shower with my penis feels like, soaping it up and all that.  maybe even find out what it feels like to be spent because i blew so often.  not to mention what it feels like after blowing and feeling how hard it is to become erect again.  how sore the penis would get from being played with too often.

i would be walking around adjusting myself and seeing what that feels like.  hanging to the left, to the right, in the middle, up, down, side to side.  i’d scratch myself and rub and generally be very curious and hands on with the thing.  there is a lot to explore in one day.

one thing i couldn’t do is have sex with my penis because i would be a girl in a man’s body.  a girl who is not sexually attracted to other girls so the idea of kissing and touching and having sex with another female [even in a man’s body] doesn’t interest me.  i’m not interested in what the inside of a vagina feels like.  i just want to know all about the penis and what it’s like to touch it and have one!

penis envy

Yes I have wondered what it would be like to be a man with a penis.  I have thought it would be fun to spend a day in a man’s body playing with his penis all day long.

ending friendships - story

Girls (and guys) ever noticed how much harder it is to end a female friendship than a male relationship?  I’m referring to if a friendship that is not going anywhere or dying.  I have found that in the scheme of things it is easier to say that a relationship is not working and move on yet when a friendship is not working saying this seems to be taken so much more personally.

Over my life time I’ve had a few friendships that have turned out to be odd.  Once I had a friend who was possessive.  At first I didn’t know this.  She was warm and giving and there for me, even if a little too much so.  A sweet and lovely girl.  Until I got a boyfriend.  Suddenly I’m getting phone calls from her telling me I'm neglecting her.  When I tried to reason with her saying that I’m entitled to some time with my boyfriend and  some alone time by myself she turns the whole thing around, saying things along the lines of I’m acting like I think she needs me and can’t live without me.  As easy as it sounds to tell her to shove off, when I did she didn’t take it well at all.  Suddenly she’s the victim.  She’s hurting.  Why am I hurting her blah blah blah.  Leaving me wondering how it is you call off a friendship and leave the person's [and your own] integrity in tact.

Another friendship I made was short lived and equally as awkward to break.  We met at a party talking about all sorts of stuff I really like.  I was thinking I like this girl, we have so much in common.  When she asked for my phone number my sixth sense kicked in that I shouldn’t do it but I didn’t listen to my inner voice.  When she starts phoning me I regretted it instantly.  She was bagging all these people she knew, having this constant negative dialog basically about how shit people are.  I kept reflecting the negativity, turning it into positive, but she wouldn’t take the hint.  What’s more I couldn’t get a word in edge wise to the point where it was nearly impossible to get off the phone.  Three phone calls later and I’m telling her I can’t do this, I can’t be her friend, please stop calling me.  Again, it’s not as though I can just say “It’s not you it’s me. I need space.  This just isn’t a good time for me”.  When I try to end the friendship with this girl she is offended and hostile.  I understand that because it isn’t a compliment though at the same time it isn't personal either.  For me it feels like we’re simply not compatible.  Some people do negative.  Some people thrive off bagging others and find other people who want to join them in their negativity.  Each to their own only I don’t work that way.  If I dated a guy who was not compatible then I could say I’m sorry, this isn’t working for me, I need to move on.  Yet when this happens with a girl friend suddenly they’re the victim and I’m a bitch who has insulted and offended them.

Yet another friendship I had was with a girl who was obsessed with finding man and who believes that she is nothing without one and has no real concept of how great she is an individual all by herself.  Again each to their own.  We all operate in this world differently.  This just isn’t something I can relate to.  It was all this girl talked about and thought about.  Even to the point of poaching other girl’s men.  Now I draw the line at that.  You don’t steal someone else's guy.  You get your own at the very least.  She was a funny girl with a wicked sense of humor who laughs her way through life.  Not a bad person yet not someone I had much in common with.

Again I found myself in a situation where I was trying to remove myself from the picture and having no idea how to go about it without hurting her.  It wasn't as though I could simply say I'm not feeling this friendship, I think we have little in common, let's move on.  When I did say I wasn’t feeling a connection I got victim statements like ‘I didn’t realise I was that awful or that you dislike me so much’.

You can see where I’m going with this.  It’s like calling off a friendship with a girl is considerably more complex  and emotionally shattering than calling off a relationship with a guy.  Why is it so hard?  What can’t we just politely excuse ourselves and walk away?
KD

sexually frustrated

been feeling sexually frustrated lately.  the last few times my lover and i have spent together have been frustrating.  i was on the net researching how to bring passion back to a relationship and read this article that said ‘without physical touch there can be no sexual attraction’.  i mentioned that to my lover and got no response.  later on i felt angry because he’s not a man who cares about being enlightened and finding ways to better things.  or so i thought.  he takes me out the next day and is holding my hand and touching my back and putting arms around me.  he tells me he read an article after i spoke to him that said a woman needs to be touched on average of 50 times a day.  by the end of that day i’m feeling really into him, we get jiggy w’it that night and its not too bad.

the reason i was researching passion and talking to him about that is because the last few times we’ve been together over the course of a couple of months he’s been doing this thing of trying to get my knickers off real quick hoping to get in and out before i have a chance to stop him.  he isn't making it past 1st base because he keeps trying to run for 4th base off the bat.  as soon as he does the crotch and boobs grab then tries to get my knickers off he gets knocked back.  i’ve been telling him he’s going too fast, he needs to slow down, you don’t get to fourth base without going to 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd first, some foreplay, love and attention would be nice, i’ve also been telling him he doesn’t get sex on tap – he has to work for it.  i don’t think he’s listening because nothing is changing. 

we had that one day of 50 touches but the following time i see him its back to normal.  our normal is him sitting around watching sports, chatting to me randomly about his stuff, not acknowledging me when i talk, me going up to him and flirting with him, hugging and touching him, him not doing it back to me, then when we’re in bed he’s doing the crotch and boob grabs, passing me the KY so i can lube myself up and he can gain access, without actually having to do any work. yuk!

after so many knock backs he’s now pulling out his victim card, ‘you’re not attracted to me’ while i’m saying ‘we should see other people’.  i am attracted to him visually.  he’s a good looking man.  physically and mentally he just doesn't cut it and i’m wondering if sex is greener on the other side. ?

i get the feeling he is an emotionally baron and cold man who lacks intimacy.  which is no reason to dislike him.  he is still a good guy.  but i don’t know if intimacy can be taught or even if he wishes to learn.  what i do know is my sex life is frustrating and unenjoyable and he’s getting knocked back more often than getting lucky. luck is a really good word in this case because him ‘scoring’ has got very little to do with his sexual prowess and more to do with the fact that i'm in the mood.  if i want it and i work myself up into being ready and he happens to be there and I happen to let him take part .. he gets lucky.  but he himself, is just not putting any effort into it.  

to me it is so logical, sex is like a sports game, you win when you put in the effort.  if you didn’t win because you didn’t put in the effort or you put in the effort but still didn’t win you try a new game plan next time and you keep trying new game plans until you win.  you keep working hard until you are expert at your game.  

why isn’t he getting that????

men

def leopard wrote “women. women. lots of pretty women. men. men. they can’t live without them.” that’s how i feel about men. i love men! they are awesome and hunky and strong and there’s so many gorgeous men out there. when i think of men i think  ‘so many men so little life time to have known them all’.

i love their builds, their broad shoulders, their arms, their chests, their muscles, their strength. men are god’s gift to women. created to protect women and children, to look after and provide for their family.  though sometimes men forget their roll is to protect and forget they have to protect their women and children from themselves as well.

years ago i shared a house with some guys and was trying to move a heavy object outside.  i wasn't strong enough to do it.  i go inside and sit down and start talking about how i can’t move this object and i can’t finish what i’m working on until i move it.  one guy who was wiry and average height says he’ll move it for me.  and he does!  i had my doubts that he’d be able to do it because of his size and was so impressed with his ability to move the heavy object out of my way.  i knew then that guys are awesome. even the chubbiest of men and the skinniest of men are great at removing heavy objects.

seeing as its a mans role to provide for his family men with direction especially hot.  no matter if it’s to head off to a regular job to have roof over head and food on the table, wanting to work your way up or to have your own business.  either way a man who wants to go places gives women a sense of security.  i prefer tradesmen to office workers because tradesmen have jobs which keep them physically active and yet a man in a suit is equally attractive and still strong.  that doesn't mean if you can't provide for your family as a man you're worthless.  providing and protecting family is more than money.  there is also being there for your woman spiritually and emotionally.

its also really hot when a man can hold a good conversation and you don't have to be einstein to be able to talk.  that is another awesome thing about men.  they know stuff that women don't know and have so much to teach and share.

yep men are hot.  hunky.  strong and full of muscles.  no matter who you are or what you look like or what you do if you’re a man there are many things about you that are damn sexy.

this time last year

life is interesting the way it turns out. this time last year i was a wreck not dealing with life very well. work, family, friends was all getting on top of me and i wanted it all to slow down and for everyone to go away and leave me alone. as though the less people i had around me the less i had to deal with. i shut many people out, deleted fb friends, stopped phoning people or taking phone calls. ended up going away for a while because even trying to avoid people was too much hassle.

i don’t feel like that now. going away helped because i had lots of alone time and space to think. people who were close to me understood and were there for me while those who weren’t didn’t get it. they moved on. in some cases that was the point. to get them to go away.

sometimes its not a matter of the person doing something wrong. some times you just gel with a person and sometimes you don’t. i’ve met people who i don’t click with who feel they do with me, or who pretend that’s how they feel because they think they should. i’ve never worked that way. if i don’t feel it I’ll try work through it. if the feeling persists i go with that and move on. its not too offend the other person.

i do struggle still sometimes. i withdraw and go quiet. i watch other people going through life and they’re so into lots of people and doing stuff. when i was younger i used to be like that. a socialite and dancing and mingling all the time. even then i knew i had this in me. back then i would cut  myself off from the world for a week or so. just that these days my shut off periods go for longer.

i don’t know why it changed. i guess over time i moved around so much i lost track of everybody and didn’t ever feel like starting over. these days too many people make me feel anxious. too much input and i can't keep up.

i’m doing alright these days. seem to be in better spirits and feeling way better than i was feeling a year ago. funny how it changes from moment to moment. kind of wondering when it will come back again. it has happened before. for now I'll ride the sunshine while it lasts - its been a few months already.

in the mood?

not only are their changes that occur over the years. there are also changes that occur over weeks and months. take the regular monthly cycle of a woman for example. ovulation which lasts around 5 days to a week. it starts to kick in that ovulation is coming and the body shows signs of this, even if just a feeling the woman gets. the ovulation goes into full swing with a clear lubricating discharge and increased interest in sex. in fact a woman can get quite ravenous around this time.

ovulation starts to pass, lubricating discharge starts to thin out, then you’ve got some days of feeling normal again. for some this may mean a high interest in sex still while for others they’ve had their fun for the month and they’re satisfied. then the period signs begin. increase in appetite, water retention, bloating of the tummy, sore boobs (due to water retention). some women become gassy. some women get irritated and grumpy, while others gets stressed or depressed. these symptoms build up for days or over a week culminating in the occurrence of the menstrual cycle.

again the libido goes through some changes during this time. for those with sore breasts sex is most likely the last thing they want because the movement would hurt their boobs. for those who are gassy sex is probably funny or embarrassing because they’re farting every time they move. while for some sex during menstruation means natural lubricant and no need for protected sex with their guy because they can’t get pregnant.

libido varies from woman to woman, yet we still go through changes during a week, during a month and over the years.

as a woman it is interesting to wonder about what types of changes in libidos men have as well.  We know they are full of testosterone and all sex up in their teens and early twenties. does this die down when they hit 30 or 40 or are men always the same. do they also have changes during the week and over a month? it is said that men also have monthly cycles of feeling pms type symptoms, tense, depressed etc. how does this affect their libido? perhaps their libido is increased during this time since men like sex to feel good…

mistakes women make in bed

when i was first moved in with him our sex was frequent yet frequently lousy. we were like rabbits in every sense of the word. mr bunny doing it often but for short bursts while miss bunny gets nothing out of it. he was climaxing while i was constantly left hanging. for one thing he didn’t engage in foreplay and i “expected him to think like a woman” and know this was a necessary part of the whole love making experience. i expected him to know that mentally i needed to feel loved in order to make love – unlike him who needed to make love in order to feel love. i expected him to know that without foreplay there was no 'love making' ... it was just sex .. fucking.

i never really had any trouble with “not showing him my sexual energy” and “not experimenting with sex”. i instigated sex all the time like an orgasm starved nymph, trying this position and that place. doing strip tease dances. wearing sexing clothes, strutting my stuff like a brightly coloured peacock, molesting him at every turn. and i was rarely “being too gentle when touching his penis”. i wanted him and i wanted him now. but what i really wanted was an orgasm, to feel connected to him physically, mentally and sexually. for him to play with me, get me wet and excited and be in me as we climaxed in unison. if only he got me mentally and connected with me physically then we could mesh sexually. that is what i thought, though i had no way of knowing how to express this. i was “expecting him to read my mind” via my body language and moans and groans or lack thereof (as was often the case). i didn’t want to “criticize him” by saying ‘that’s not it”. 

in truth he was a rip your bra and pants off kind of guy, wanting to jump straight to it, wondering why i was pushing him away saying ‘i’m not in the mood’. when what i really meant was, i am in the mood but not ready yet. 

when i did finally bring up the foreplay issue and start talking to him about what i wanted, how i liked to be touched and how i’m having sex for the orgasm just the same as him, he didn't seem pleased i'd opened up to him. he told me his idea of passion was for me to throw him onto the bed and jump his bones, basically telling me i'm not meeting his needs so he won't meet mine. in short we both wanted or expected 2 different things when is came to sex. i would be happy to throw him onto the bed and have my way with him if he got me ready first or didn't assume i was already ready just because i was instigating. yes, i confess, i was not only “letting him take responsibility for my orgasm” but expecting it! as far as i was concerned, playing with myself to get myself to climax was him not fulfilling his manly duty. i also knew that if i started to do that then he'd expect that to always be the case, relieving him from foreplay duty for the remainder of the relationship. i wanted him to take charge of my climax. show me how skilled he is in getting a woman excited, ready.

i “controlled him by withdrawing sex”. the deal was if he engaged in foreplay he got sex. if he tried ripping bra and pants off and trying to enter me when i wasn’t ready he got knocked back. it was simple enough yet it did not resolve any of our issues. he didn't get the signals i was sending and did not listen when i explained what and why i was doing it. “not making up with sex after an argument” was a normal routine for us because the one thing we argued over, again and again and again was foreplay. we never made up. there was no making up with make-up-sex because he wouldn’t have engaged in foreplay to begin with.

we argued about this for ages. him refusing to indulge in foreplay, him only wanting quickies all or most of the time, him refusing to touch me or pay attention to me outside of the bed in anyway what so ever, then being all over me like an octopus once we were in bed. every now and then he would partake in foreplay, much to his own benefit as well as mine, and we would get jiggy-w'it and have an amazing time – leaving us realizing we really did enjoy each others hot sexy bodies when it came down to it. however, having done it once every blue moon he wanted his foreplay effort to be enough to last me for weeks, months. next time he wanted sex he try ripping the bra and pants off again .. and so the argument went around and round in circles with no resolution in site.

i can see that my expecting him to think like me and be able to read my mind were not productive in us having a good sex life. it is hard to explain the things you like and the things you don't like without him feeling like he's being criticized, although the thing that makes an amazing difference is not waiting around for the man to take responsibility for your orgasm. once you're both playing a role in this the pressure is lifted from his shoulders at least.