sexy isn't what guys want

I was a regular teen girl. I like boys and wanted to be an actress. I grew up with a dad who didn’t engage in porn, men’s mags or things like that and he raised me to be the same. Outside of our home every thing told me that female objectification was normal.

Growing up I remember watching a ‘family’ movie in primary school where a lady did a strip tease down to her sparkly knickers with just tassels on her breasts. I told the teacher he needed to turn the movie off, that we shouldn’t be watching this and was told to sit down and be quiet. I remember movies where women got raped, had their clothes ripped off and their bodies exposed and I wondered why it was ok to show this? I wondered if shows like this were damaging because they were saying “This is bad but here are some breasts to make you watch”.

I’ve got my dad in one ear telling me to be a good girl and not to sleep with boys because sex is all they’re after, while the world is telling me sexy is good, sex is popular, all the guys want sexy and sex!  By the time I’m late teens early 20’s I’m mildly promiscuous, though I’m not more popular and I’m very confused.  I thought sexy was the way to be. Everywhere I look I'm being told this!!

There is nudity and sexual innuendo in music videos, TV commercials, billboards, Paris Hilton getting famous from a leaked homemade sex video, men who go to strips clubs, download porn from the net, purchase Playboy and want to watch porn with their girlfriends.  There are shows like Blokes World, Girls of the Playboy Mansion and Underbelly full of female nudity and objectification – in the guise of entertainment.  Yet when I indulge in this kind of behavior (which I'm told is some form of female equality) the reaction isn't good.

When I start dating I meet men who want to go to strip clubs with mates and read Playboy and watch Blokes World and again I’m confused. Why do they like this but I wasn’t liked when I was all that? I start talking to boyfriends about how I want to become a stripper or pose for Playboy and they don't like the idea because “guys don’t respect that”. To which I reply, “Exactly, so why are you doing that to someone else’s sister, girlfriend, mother, daughter?” I've been asked to watch porn with guys and I say I’d rather have sex than watch other people having sex – more fun yes!

For them it is normal, if not their right as a man to subject women to this and guys are ridiculed by their mates when they don't engage in this behavior!

So you can see what began as harmless entertainment or advertising became a young girl’s nightmare as she grew into womanhood. There are many other girl’s dealing with this. There are young girls sending naked pics of themselves on their phones to their boyfriends who then share the pics with their mates. Very damaging! All because society tells boys and girls this is normal. Society teaches us: guys like sexy and girls should be sexy. If you're not sexy as a girl then you're nothing and if your not after as much sex as you can get as a boy then there is something wrong with you.

I encourage ALL MEN to be courageous and say NO to all forms of female objectivity. The welfare, confidence and self-esteem of your sons, daughters, girlfriends and wives depend on it. Not to mention it also gives you your power back as a man to fight and stand up for something far bigger than instant gratification at the expense of all women.

one week stand

Spent a week with my on again off again squeeze.  The week started off good.  He missed me and was loving and affectionate.

Days 1 - 3 he tries hard to turn me on, get me in the mood and get me to climax.  The sex is fun.  I do an erotic dance for him and have fun arousing him.  We drink, listen to music and have a good time.  We feel really in love.  We hug and kiss and show lots of affection.  I like it like this and wish we could feel this way all the time.  He holds me while we sleep.

Day 4 he is out at an event, comes back and is friendly yet distant and unaffectionate.  He is at ease being distant and not trying too hard.  He enjoys the company without it having to be about affection.  We're sore and tired from the sex and since we don't plan on any sex that day he is comfortably distant.  I don’t feel the same.  I enjoy the company and still like affection and can’t see why we can’t keep the affection going regardless of weather we're having sex or not.  I run a bubble bath and we have a bath together.  I please him in the bath tub just because I want to and I like to touch him.  He spends the remainder of the night being unaffectionate and unloving.

Day 5 he is grumpy and agitated, short tempered and keeps getting annoyed over things beyond his control.  Something he didn’t like happened and he can’t let it go or calm down.  He spends the next two days being agitated by this.  I try to concentrate on his good points while trying to ease him out of his grumpy mood.  While thinking, “Snap out of it!  You’re ruining the mood.”

He makes a comment about wanting me to give him pleasure again (one sided).  I don’t give it because I don’t like it when people are grumpy with or at me then want to be intimate.  Plus I feel like I already gave him something and ‘it’s his turn’ to give me something.  Not that I gave just because I wanted something in return, still I don’t think it should be one sided.  When do I get my pleasure just for the sake of him wanting to give that to me???

Day 6 while we’re getting dressed for the day I tell him his view of intimacy is skewed, he is looking at things only from the perspective of what he can get out of it.

I don’t elaborate because I think I’ll sound like I nag him if I do, but what I mean is: he only puts the moves on me when he wants to get laid.  If he doesn’t want sex he doesn’t touch me or show me any affection.  He wants me to touch him and spontaneously give him pleasure but doesn’t think to do anything like that to me in return.  He will take it if I give him pleasure and again doesn’t think to do anything like that in return.

He spends that day being complacent and comfortable regardless of what I said earlier.  He is with me but not with me.  He is on his computer.  He’s watching TV.  At night time we’re sitting on the sofa in front of the fire watching TV together and he’s is not touching me or hugging me.  Throughout the day I tried to instigate some affection by pestering him and trying to wrestle, touching him, kissing him, hugging, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

That night in bed he tries to grab at boobs and I tell him he had all day to touch me, he had his chance and lost it.  He calls me “Ice Queen”.  I tell him he’s King of Cold.

Day 7 he wakes up and starts the day off with an affection kiss and compliments, yet that is as far as his affection goes.  He spends the day going commando because I had been talking about it since before he got here.  He also spends his day making suggestions I touch him, give him pleasure etc. Now finally he is going commando he thinks being commando is all about easy access for me to do things to him.  Again it’s what he can get out of it not what he can give.

That night on the sofa, him sitting at one end on his computer, me at the other end I start a conversation about how the week is going.  He thinks the week is going well.  When I say to him that I liked how he was affectionate for the first few days and wish he’d keep that going he is surprised because it never occurred to him.  I tell him it feels like he’s only nice when he wants something and after he’s gotten it he’s distant, or if he's not in the mood for it he's distant.  He says I should give him signs and I remind him of my pestering and touching and kissing.  He admits that he let his bad mood get in the way and is sorry which is good yet it’s still two wasted days.

The next morning he is off again, away for some boys time.  I suppose I should be thankful I got 3 goods days out of him.