upper class white chick privilege

i'm an upper class white chick. i've worked hard to get from my poverty riddled childhood to where i am. some of it is fluke. right place right choices. most of it's been keeping my wits about me, planning for the future, chasing the goals.

i'm one of the lucky ones. had access to an education, was genetically blessed with smarts.

for all appearance i'm living the life. i'm everything socially acceptable in the world. slim, pretty, nice car, nice house, money to spare. and yet when it comes to sexism i am middle rung on the ladder. above me on the ladder sit straight white men, gay white men, straight coloured men, gay coloured men. straight white men of course rule the world and get pretty much everything they want when it comes to sex. gay men don't have as much respect or power but they still get more than white females, if it wasn't for gay men we'd never see nude men.

men in my world see no inequality compared to them and me. even though they get paid more and have better superannuation. even though they have strip clubs where the girls go all the way nude while the best i get is skimpy jocks for $10 extra entry fee. they get to watch movies and shows where the slim pretty women are often nude to some degree while the men i see are dressed, and so fat and ugly you want them to stay dressed (picture the full frontal nudity in the latest Denzel movie while he, over weight and middle aged, hides behind a bed sheet - see even there a black man is getting more than me .. because he's a straight high paid male). i get to sit there watching these nude women, watching the men be aroused and stimulated, while i feel uncomfortable and resentful.

even with all my 'supposed' privilege i still don't get full frontal male nudity and in all my years of living things are getting worse in that regard, not better. straight men get to enjoy the naked beauty of females and get to add all their privileged bullshit excuses about why they get that and i (we women) don't. men have higher libidos, sex sells and men are more visually aroused. no! sex doesn't sell. only the sale of women does. sex sells because men get paid more and men get what they want! it's all bullshit excuses designed to keep me and others in our place.

so image then if you're a female of colour, some other race aside from white. you get even less privilege, even less rights. i feel bad for women coz if i'm as good as it gets for us women and i still have little rights compared to men then how the hell are my sisters meant to rise up and prosper?

black bitch ho

in my country aboriginals aren't treated as well as white folk. their health is pore. their education drop out rate is high. many live in poverty. they die much younger than white folk. they're accused of being shop lifters, of abusing their women, of being alcoholic dole bludgers scabbing off the system, of urinating in public (dumb since that also describes many white folk).

i can't say for sure what is going wrong but i've wondered what can we do to make their world a better place? how can we actually make a difference?

i imagine it's much the same with people of colour in america struggling to be equal with white folk and yet...

if our aboriginal brothers and sisters began to make it up the economic chain towards a better life only to disrespect their women folk i'd be outraged. and this is what we see happening with african americans within the american music and media scene all the time!

video after video made by black american males and females featuring their women in disrespectful sexual objectification and referring to them as bitches and hos. what the!!!!! how is this ok?

i remember oprah talking about the things that go on in the african american music world, saying pretty much that it is what it is, can't fight the system. left me speechless really because a lady in her position could make a difference had she gone against whomever she wouldn't go against, when making her statement.

why fight so hard for your freedom and liberties just to take away those liberties from your women?

lupe says it well in his song.

and this lady sums it up perfectly

why feminism doesn't work

the quick answer is coz no one agrees on what issues to battle. or what to fix first.

got women who believe women should be fighting for equal rights to go around topless like men or let women wear what ever they want even if others find it offensive or confronting. got women who think we should be modest and cover up even though others find that oppressive. got women who don't believe women should get equal pay because women take more days off to to deal with children than men, periods and other girl stuff. got women who think we shouldn't be telling other women off for being overtly sexual. got women who think overtly sexual is empowering an equals power over men (in some cases that is survival mode). got women who think all men are assholes who need to be shut down and ruled over. got women who like being controlled and dominated by men, who think that is a woman's natural role. got women who think 'if you like it you shoulda put a ring on it' and taylor swift songs equal teaching women to be weak and need a man. got people who think women already rule the world and just pretending that men call the shots because it works in their favour to lie about that. [if that's the truth somebody should let me know.] got women who think other women complaining about not being equal is bullshit 1st world problems. got women who think how we're living now is us finding and expressing our sexuality. got women who see that as man tricking us into thinking that is our sexuality. got women who think other women shouldn't breast feed in public, but it's ok for their men to visit strips clubs. got women who think we shouldn't talk about weight or body issues and not discuss what a healthy average really is; they think this is going against each other instead of helping each other.

how can feminism work when there are so many issues people don't agree on?

imagine of a woman thinking it's empowering to be overtly sexual

train story .. pretty lady

there was this woman on the train. i couldn't stop looking at her. she was beautiful to me. she had this michelle pfeiffer look about her. blond slim with perfect facial features. i wanted to be her. i wondered if she knew she was that pretty or if she didn't like herself. i wanted to go up to her and compliment her on her looks. wasn't sure if i should though and was too shy. i sat and watched her instead.

freedom of speech

freedom of speech or freedom to be cruel?

gone are the days when men got 50 lashings for stealing bread. gone are the days when people were tortured in dark dingy dungeons with hot oil poured down their throats for lying. gone are the days when people's head were publicly displayed on spikes as a warning to others not to break the law. gone are the people who inflicted this type or pain and torture upon fellow humans.

nope, this is the day and age of freedom of speech and rights for humanity. people aren't allowed to be cruel or break laws any more .. right?

love to say yes but all i can think about is

animal crush videos allowed to circulate the internet without prosecution and sick assholes who watch them.

animal cruelty in general, how we treat animals that will soon end up on our plates.

cyber bullies, aka gutless piss ants, who hide behind their anonymity and insult, belittle and threaten people to the point of making people commit suicide. yay you powerful person you being able to say that to their face .. not!

porn videos where young girls are actually raped, hurt and tortured again with sick assholes watching them.

stuff like harlem struggle and standing on a girls head while she's in doggy position and people who like to see and do this.

child pornography on the rise because there's too many sick bastards in the world, too many people catering to this shit and too many sicko fuck wits enjoying the pain and suffering of little children who didn't get to make the adult and informed choice of who they'd like to lose their virginity with!!!!

camel jockeys in the middle east, little boys stolen from their families to race  on camels for rich men and end up killed or badly injured, oh and they're also raped by the camel trainers just to you know .. make their life so much fucking better.

we may think we outgrew the dark ages but clearly many fuckers out there didn't get the memo and are just as cruel today as people were back then, and many other folks enjoy seeing and accepting this cruelty - other wise it wouldn't sell .. right!

all because .. oh yeah .. people have the right to freedom of speech and being into what ever they choose - so long as it's not hurting anyone, so people say. and of course money talks so if you're rich you'll get away with this shit by buying your way out of trouble.

well it is hurting others and what are we as a collective doing about it? what are our governments going about it? perhaps its time to remove those rights and freedoms people so enjoy and make them have to earn their rights back? do sick things on the internet = lose your internet rights. naughty adults should be treated like a naught child - you get punished by having your stuff taken away from you when you don't behave and you get your stuff back if you be good ? ? ?

open letter to nicki minaj

dear nicki
regarding your recent video song anaconda

i saw you on the ellen degeneres show and she was asking you why you think your video clip has reached a million views. you sat there playing dumb and claiming you've no idea why.

you can't be that stupid .. or can you? you know full well your video has had that many views because it's borderline pornography that millions can access for free (including children... not that you care). and the only reason people are watching it is because it's borderline porn. not because it's a great song with a great message.

there is no message in your song. there is no empowerment. unless you think wanting a big snake in your booty empowers others to... what? be free to choose anal? be free to be sexual? be free to have large bootys? boys get to share their desire for females with large bootys? coz boys have no say, already, in what size bootys they like so you're going to give them that power?

if not that what? what message are you sending out? that you've made it to the top? you're popular and everyone's talking about you? how does that empower others? what, we too could be as popular as you if we sell ourselves sexually? is that your message?

what about sending a message about equal pay, no disrespecting your sisters, what a female president might look like, no hitting your girlfriend, not selling your girlfriend or being pimps, you ain't no ones' bitch. the list goes on. if you really are so awesome and popular then give us a decent message. one worth listening to. one worth sharing. don't waste your talent and your time in the spot light on something that doesn't advance or empower us, your sisters.

i'm disgusted, horrified, upset and angry. it pisses me off when women sell themselves out in order to make money. it pisses me off when women sell others out in order to make money. and it pissed me off when those same women hypocritically tell other women to stand up for themselves (as you did).
i know you are a mere plastic puppet (with your plastic arse and boobs) and others are pulling your strings and turning you into some sexed up porn star (not pop star).

but you need to understand, as do other women in your position, that you're thrusting your sexed up adult world down the throats of babes (yes children are watching your adult content videos) so you (and those who own you) can be rich and famous. ask yourself do you really want girls and boys watching your video clip or listening to your lyrics and being inspired to copy your sexed up ways? do you really want teens wanting to aspire to be like you?

on top of that you slang skinny bitches at the end of your clip and that is super laughable because without your butt and breast implants you're the very thing you're slanging.

you and all the other pop princesses out there need to stop porning yourself out to the public. our little boys and girls, teens and others deserve better than the sexed up shit you're dishing out.


and kim kardasian. don't' get me started on her. for all her glam and glitz .. there is zero empowerment about her. what has she done for the world? what has she done to advance women or to inspire little girls?

note: there is a big difference in being sex positive and sexualised. one furthers women's rights, the other does not.

son, your sexuality has been hijacked 2

once upon a time men were taught by their fathers how to be impressive lovers, how to please a woman. men were taught that their manhood depended on how they could protect, provide for and please their woman.

this is evident in tantric , kama sutra learnings and others. once upon a time these books were handed down from father to son and learned fortunate men got to acquire such knowledge. the ignorant were just left to be lousy lovers. and these books weren't handed down as old time porn. it was never about what was in it for the man only or how the woman was there to service him, it was about being a pro at pleasuring the woman, knowing how to service her and what a man got in return for doing that. men must have known a happy wife equals a happy life.

these days sex is far less about pleasing a woman and more about 'all hail the mighty penis'. with pornography growing at a phenomenal rate and that porn becoming more and more about abuse of women, young girls and boys, it seems somehow 'the ignorant' have managed to become in charge of dictating our sex lives. and regardless of what they say nothing about porn is educational no matter how it's worded.

i've had my fair share of lovers and i've spoken to many many women about their sex lives and all of us have very similar stories to tell. sex with men is all about them and their penis. they no longer have the skill or the desire to really impress a woman. they no longer take their time or engage in foreplay, or learning about what makes their woman tick. for many males sex is about their own private (or not so private) porn show. it's all about sticking it in, wiggling it about then bragging to their mates about their sexual prowess (oh if only other men really knew how much their mates sucked in bed!)

sure there are great lovers out there. men who take the time to impress their woman because they pride themselves on being good in bed (and women who do the same). yet these men (and women) aren't the one's making porn (probably because they respect women too much). they're not the ones setting the scene for other men, they're not sharing their knowledge. they're not the ones in charge of teaching sex to other men and boys growing up to be men. for the most part their talents and views are lost among the ignorant who shout too loud and too proud.

it's the ignorant, abusive, women haters who make porn, the losers who can't get laid who make manga porn and sexualised female avatars, old blokes who choose making money over respect and equality for women, who will happily sexualise them to make $$$$$. i generalize, yes. these men could be awesome and have a high respect for women yet there actions and creations show otherwise - and they not always old because almost everyone has been taught this and most think it to be the truth and majority follow along because it's easier to do so. generalizations aside those making a prophet from selling women don't care about you .. they just want your money and they'll hurt whomever they want to get it. and we're raising the next generation of boys (and girls) to follow along.

and these are the people we are allowing to lead the way into modern day sexuality. time to stop and think about that

son, your sexuality has been hijacked

in much the same way as it is for females who think their overt sexuality is their choice... young men have also had their sexuality hijacked by seedy old pedo creeps.

it's been going on for decades now. old creepy ass men who no longer get any sex dictating what type of sex young men want. it's to the point now where young men think their idea of what appeals to them is theirs. well it isn't. you've all been duped, conned, tricked into thinking your desire for 'ripping her ass in two' is your own idea, your own desire.

majority of female sexual objectification and porn comes from old men with money on viagra wishing they were still young enough to have sex with hot under age teens (by the way this makes them pedos!) but they're not so they make videos about it and sell it to young men as what they should want from sex (which makes you a pedo .. yuk).

take the miley cyrus wrecking ball video clip for eg. it was made by a seedy yukko pervert who had an abusive upbringing by a man who considered women less than. he grows up thinking his dads view of women being less than is right, and beside he wasn't liked at school because he was an unattractive person (both physically and mentally), and now that he's famous (a photographer) he feels powerful and revels in his domination (his words) over women. and this dick is setting the scene / hijacking YOUR sexuality. telling young men (and women) what their sexuality should look like, what they should desire. do you really want this dick directing you?

consider that majority of men who frequent those asian sex trade countries do so for underage sex. again these are the men who are dictating what young men's sexuality should be. those men are pedos hiding under the guise of normal men. there is nothing ok about under age sex by fat ass ugly men who can't get laid to save themselves. there is nothing ok about buying sex (especially if you're too gross to get any). there is nothing ok about these types of men dictating what young men's sexuality and interests should look like. and yet these men are accepted in today's society as normal (a man's got needs right!) .. and this in turn raises young men to think under age pedo sex, treating girls as mere sex objects because it's all about the mighty penis .. is normal.

majority of the worlds porn is developed in the US (LA) by gross men who know that making porn more and more shocking sells. not because young men want to break girls asses in two or practice the harlem struggle but simply because their sexuality has been hijacked into thinking this is what hey want to see. and these gross men are only doing it to make money. to take your money! they don't give a shit who they hurt or what faculties they alter in their victims (both the people in the videos and those watching).

take an impressionable 11 year old boy for eg, do you think he really cares about anal sex coz it feels tighter and more dominating? do you think he really cares about splitting a girls ass it two? do you think he thinks of girls that way at all (just some object for him to get his rocks off)? no he doesn't. yet the chances of him thinking this way by the time he's in his teens is highly likely because older men taught him this is what he should be wanting. this is what his male sexuality should look like.

young men mark my words .. you are being brainwashed by seedy old pedo creeps, by abusive males, by men who hate women, have no respect for them and see them only as 'fuckable' .. into believing that what they desire is what you also desire.

take back your sexuality. don't let these bastards hijack your mind and your desires. reclaim what is rightfully yours and ask yourself if what you're being told and sold is really what you're sexuality would have looked like if these seedy old men hadn't gotten to you first. would manga porn (featuring prepubescent girls with camel toes) really have been what you desired before old men told you so?

p.s. old men can mean any man who is older than you because older men have been teaching young boys their seedy creepo ways for years, it's been handed down from decade to decade (a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, a man's got needs right? women are there to service those needs right?) and with each decade what we teach young boys gets more and more twisted because each previous generation was hijacked into thinking this is what he should be doing.

will you pass this shit onto the next generation or will the buck stop with you?

p.p.s. how the buck stops with you
- stop watching porn - it's made by creepy men trying to tell you females are just real life blow up dolls made for you to stick things into.
- stop accepting men who go to asian countries for underage sex, they're not your mates (they're pedos).
- stop asking girls to sext and don't share those sexts around - again this is older men directing your sexuality and your disrespect for females. other men know when you share those sexts around they'll eventually get a hold of those pics for their own private (creepy pedo) collection.
- don't treat females as though they're just sex objects. they're no more a sex object than you are and you shouldn't be tricked into thinking they are.

female nudity equals empowerment ??

somehow women have DELUDED themselves into thinking being overtly and publicly sexual is empowering to themselves and other women. they see it as women reclaiming their sexuality back from men. in fact the opposite it true.
being overtly sexual is playing right into the hands of men who require more and more of that from us these days.

you'll get ignorant wanna be feminist claiming it's slut shamming if any body dares speak out about women who damage the reputation of themselves and others by being overtly sexual. because apparently it's her body and she should be free to do with it what ever she wants.

yeah right! that's like saying it's a pedo's body and he can do with it what ever he wants. (don't get all shitty about my use of he either, i realise there are also fem pedo's out there.)

utter bs. if i say put your clothes back on, you're not empowering anyone, that is NOT slut shamming. for starters i haven't called anyone a slut. i don't believe in the word slut as a way of describing a woman who is as sexually active as men (just because men, and other women, don't want or can't handle a women who is equally or more sexually active than them).

let's run with a scenario. i'm completely naked in a shopping mall. i drop to the ground and start posing in sexual positions. some guys (and maybe gals) might be turned on and want to have sex with me. many people will be horrified. children mortified and confused - what is she doing? why is she doing it? what is she trying to say? achieve? security will come and i'll be charged with public lewdness.

some will say i'm arrested because people can't stand fem sexuality. agian bs! if a man did the same thing we'd feel the same - and men rule the earth remember!

so... keeping with the above scenario but instead of a shopping mall i'm posing in those sexual positions on fb, twitter, instagram, tumbler, play boy, tv etc.
why is it suddenly not public lewdness? why does it suddenly change to 'a female being empowered by her sexuality'? it's certainly no less fucking private!!!!!

again i put it to you that there is nothing, zero, nadda, empowering about being sexually explicit and being seen by the public. it  is merely just a product of our indoctrination into man's world. women have been conned and tricked into thinking they're cool, sexy, sexual beings by being some kind of public porn star. where as in actual fact they are simply puppets with men pulling their strings no matter how much they think the choice was theirs.

yet another naive woman thinking it's empowering to be overtly publicly sexual

take jlo's and nicki's latest booty bum videos (or the lass above) and ask yourself:
how many 8 year old girls did those women inspired to be president of the US? how many girls did they inspire to be elite athletes? how many women suddenly got equal pay once those overtly sexual females came into play? how many sexual slaves were set free because women have become more powerful owning their own sexuality? (the answer to that last question, sadly, is more girls will become sexual salves because overtly sexualised women inadvertently increase the demand for free and easy sex).

how many women were really empowered by those videos? how many women are really empowered by other overtly sexual females? how many little boys, girls or even men are?

really have a big think about this, especially all you women... what does taking your sexuality back and empowering others REALLY look like?

saved a young girl from

driving along one day i saw this guy driving in front of me turn to gawk at a young slim girl walking along the sidewalk in the same direction we were driving, head phones on listening to music. after turning to get a good look at the girl, around age 13-14, wearing a pair of white shorts and bright t.shirt, the guy did a u-turn so he could back track. instinctively i did a u-turn and followed him. i could see he was much older than the young girl and over weight with short brown hair. he u-turned again so he could come up behind her and i followed him, watching him driving slowly along the curb behind the girl, watching her walk. she turned left down a side street and he followed along slowly, with me following in tow and he, and the girl, completely unaware. when she turned left again at the end of the street he was still slowly following her. i wondered what he was doing, what he was waiting for. was he waiting for a secluded place where he could approach her, maybe ask her for directions he didn't need, follow her home so he knows where she lives, or just having a perv because he thought she was cute? either way i stayed in tow making sure the young girl was safe. at one point the man finally realised i was there following him following her, did a -u-turn and quickly drove away. by this stage i already had his license plate and make, model and colour of his car. incidentally we were driving the same type of car. the street we were on was a dead end street, only one way in. i pulled up along the curb watching the girl walk away, unaware that anything untoward was playing out around her, and watched an waited making sure the other driver didn't come back.

first encounter of the non closest kind

it had been a few months since she's moved in to his space. she was biting her tongue, however, things were irritating. his constant and perpetual detachment. what the... ? she'd never seen anything like it. not talking. not listening. watching tv all the time, almost obsessed with it. if she dared turn it off, stand in the way, try to distract him .. he lost his shit. even (especially) during ads. eating dinner with him, it was still silence. communication an at all time minimum!!!!

she fluffed and flaunted, strutted and preened like a well trained peacock. nothing.
she cooked and fed and stuffed him full of culinary delights. nothing.
she sexed it up like some techno, ripped, ballerina, belly dancer. nothing.
all but donned the maid outfit to dust and clean for his highness. nothing.

one day the captive princess called him up on it and asked .. is this all i'm getting, what about the rest of you? i've given to you, primped and preened, domestic goddess, space, attachment, distance, fun. what does it take? what are you giving of yourself in return?

his immediate response is to shush her, tell her off. how dare she interrupt 'his time'? she silently disappears which is what he wanted. her learning her place and staying there. he's boss and the show runs his way.

hurt .. she's thinking he'll at least ask her what she wanted later. low and behold he doesn't. not minutes later, not hours, not that night in bed when he presses up against her wanting to use her body - and gets rejected because he hasn't apologized for fobbing her off and speaking to her rudely. not days or even weeks later. what he does do is ignore her for days and when she (finally) starts a conversation he tells her, "i thought you we angry with me which is why i wasn't talking to you". (blames her reaction for his reaction).

"no. love. it's not anger, you hurt me! you snapped and got angry because i wanted to talk. and you never asked if there was something you could afterwards to take the hurt away." she states.

instead of getting it, and unbeknownst to him or her, he begins and internal dialog that goes something like this: how dare she reject me sexually, here i was just trying to make up to her by having sex and she rejects me, and what! because i was watching tv, couldn't she see i was watching tv when she wanted to talk. how dare she after i let her come here and stay in my house and eat my food and use my electricity. who the fuck does she think she is to take me for granted. i work long days slogging away so she can eat and have a roof over her head. how dare she pull me up and try to make me look bad! how dare she!

in a few days when she thinks he's calmed down enough to talk, (keeping in the mind the way he reacted to her interruption has left her weary of what will set him off again), she asks him if they can talk now. he happily asks what about, thinking the other days topic is all done and dusted - because he showed her her place. she begins to talk about how she asked him the other day if he'll be more attentive and if he's thought about what she said. his reaction is even more severe than before. he's had time to think and fester about how RUDE and ungrateful she is .. this time he tells her ..
i work all day, 12 hours shifts (so you should BOW DOWN TO ME his royal holiness), i want to come home and just relax and watch some tv, i don't want deep and meaning conversations, and why should we talk now when you rejected me the other night and haven't spoken to me since. (again blaming her for his reaction).

the illogic astounds her. where does he get his sense of 'the order of things'. what he's saying is not what happened at all and his reactions are disproportionate to the request. which he hasn't fully heard or acknowledged yet because he fobbed her off, twice, too busy needing to put her in her place and be king of the household to hear her out.

afterwards, all encounters are strained, worse, added onto, like a long gigantic list of 'look at all you've done to hurt me'. him: you cracked the shits with me and rejected me sexually and made me angry, so i'm going to shut you out even more. her: you treated me badly when i'm trying to make things better, not the other way around? and so it goes and goes and goes like a whopping never ending not-so-merry-go-round of her trying to talk and remedy and him trying to shut her up with anger and blaming.

we all know what the future holds ..

my book on getting lucky - part 1

if date night doesn't end with good sex it didn't go well. something went amiss.
it starts at the start. when she's getting dressed and he compliments her, lets her know he likes what he sees and will be thinking of her in that outfit all night. maybe it's her lips and he'll be thinking of kissing her all night. maybe her bottom looks good and he'll be thinking of putting a hand on it.

at the place - party, club, dinner - he gives her a look or 10. reiterates that he's thinking of kissing her. watches her lips or eyes or hands or curves as she talks, eats, dances.

over the night he sneaks in a kiss, a light caress of her bottom, neck, chests, arms, a wink. he could sneak a moment and caress and kiss while he thinks no-one is looking or can see. show a little bit of lust throughout the night. doesn't take much time or thought, just show her what he's thinking. (and if he's not thinking about making love to her and she knows it because of his lack of affections, bad luck if he misses out).
make her feel sexy, special, desirable, while also enjoying her company because he likes her mind or friendship or carefree attitude (whatever appeals). it's pretty much a given she'll flirt back. who wouldn't.

in the room he is showing her what he's been thinking all night. touching caressing, kissing. it's about her and how she makes him feel. again she'll follow in suit. he drags it out, keeping the lust and teasing of the night going for as long as she/they can take it. she'll let him know when she's ready unless she does the 'let's get it over with because there was failure to turn her on' move. he'll get lucky yet the date night didn't end with good sex and she'll remember and note it. it lowers his chances on getting lucky in the future.

if dates nights go well both could get lucky every time. unless prior to date night something happened (toothache, dad died, had a fight and failed to make up or use the night to make up).

getting lucky depends ..

turn me on

men and sex.
i'm starting to wonder if there are any men who are good at it. who don't see sex as simply sticking the penis in the vagina, thrusting about, climaxing, then rolling over. get a blow up doll you fuck!
are there men out there who know there is more to sex than that?
are there men out there who know the joy of teasing, pleasing and enjoying the woman? who know that giving is just as good as receiving? men who know her pleasure is just as important as his?
if so .. are they the majority or the minority?
how many men know, do and live this? few or many?
in this day and age of enlightenment and supposed human superiority how many men actually know how to make love to a woman, to devour her, lap her up, please her, get her ready, wet and wanting, turn her on?
how many men want to do this? or do most want to use her as a prop for their own private porn show? sticking it to her this way and that. grabbing tits, arse and vagina thinking that's all it takes to turn her on. or making out for a minute or two thinking that's enough to turn her on.
i really want to know .. how many men are actually good in bed? good lovers? great lovers who know what they're doing and want her to enjoy the activity as much as they do?

missed you

I missed you for a moment today

When some body laughed like you 

mr right

my fear is i'll never meet him. mr right. someone who makes me smile.
some people say you only get one chance. what if that's true? i've had a true love before, true unconditional love. we pestered each other, aggravated each other, shitted each other and fought. we still loved the other no matter what. why? how? what made us love each other no matter what?
what if we only get once chance? what if i'll never have that again?

why didn't i have that with him? (the next one) no matter what we did we never had that unconditional love. why? him? me? why couldn't we over come it? what boulders were in the way? what mountains? either way i / we couldn't scale them? (i love you and set you free .. )

i can see he was mean. and i let him be. why? what was i telling myself? that we only get once chance .. and my chance was gone. just gotta suck that shit up?

what if we only get one chance? what if he never comes. that's my fear. he must be getting tired of me calling, shouting, crying out his name. i'm getting heartbroken of the fact that he never comes. where art thou. come and save me. save me from myself. i need to know you're there and that i don't only get one chance.

falling for a stranger

i don't know you
you're an enigma
a part of my imagination
only i've met you
you are real

just a mystery
a conundrum
why the attraction?
why do i like you?
this person i don't know

this person i'll never see again
don't understand it
you're not classically handsome
you didn't flirt with me
nor i you

and yet there it was
that instant attraction
instantly liking who you are
what you're like
you're sense of humor

and this big deep feeling
of depression
that washed over me
when i had to say good bye
no more spending time with you

now there is an empty void
and i don't understand it
why do i care?
it makes no sense
coz we weren't anything

i'm like some crazy mad woman
liking some stranger
someone i don't know
feeling things that can't be explained
wishing i had more time with you

accidental facebook event ruined a friendship

couple of years ago i got a invite to an event on fb. it was from a childhood best-friend whom i'd recently rekindled the friendship with (before fb). we'd been hanging out again, having dinner parties together, all that stuff. was a little stocked to get the invite. pleased she was thinking of me. on the day i get dressed up & off i go to this party. her family & friends are there, most of whom i know from the years she & i spent together. they're happy enough to see me & all is well. until my friend arrives. first thing she says is 'what are you doing here?' i tell her i got her fb invite. she tells me she never sent me an invite & she's giving me that look like i'm a stalker. i know she sent me an invite though i'm standing there thinking it must have been accidental. i tell her i clicked 'attending' on the event page so she'd have seen i was coming. she tells me she can't hang around me coz she's got to mingle & i  tell her that's fine. i have a good time mingling myself. hadn't been out in ages & was happy to be socializing. check the invite later on but it's been removed coz the event has passed so can't prove to her that i'm not lying. send her a fb message, sorry for the mix up, don't know what happened, definitely got an invite, must have been accidentally invited. she doesn't reply. over the next weeks mutual friends who attended the party start deleting me from their friend list. she stays my friend, except she has a hens night & gets married & doesn't invite me or even tell me she's met a man or getting married. contact her to say congrats. she talks like all is well. never hear from her again. never contact her again. still friends on fb for some time until i notice she doesn't like any comment i make on her page while liking everyone else's. time to nip that friendship in the bud. and all because of an accidental fb invite.