sexy isn't what guys want

I was a regular teen girl. I like boys and wanted to be an actress. I grew up with a dad who didn’t engage in porn, men’s mags or things like that and he raised me to be the same. Outside of our home every thing told me that female objectification was normal.

Growing up I remember watching a ‘family’ movie in primary school where a lady did a strip tease down to her sparkly knickers with just tassels on her breasts. I told the teacher he needed to turn the movie off, that we shouldn’t be watching this and was told to sit down and be quiet. I remember movies where women got raped, had their clothes ripped off and their bodies exposed and I wondered why it was ok to show this? I wondered if shows like this were damaging because they were saying “This is bad but here are some breasts to make you watch”.

I’ve got my dad in one ear telling me to be a good girl and not to sleep with boys because sex is all they’re after, while the world is telling me sexy is good, sex is popular, all the guys want sexy and sex!  By the time I’m late teens early 20’s I’m mildly promiscuous, though I’m not more popular and I’m very confused.  I thought sexy was the way to be. Everywhere I look I'm being told this!!

There is nudity and sexual innuendo in music videos, TV commercials, billboards, Paris Hilton getting famous from a leaked homemade sex video, men who go to strips clubs, download porn from the net, purchase Playboy and want to watch porn with their girlfriends.  There are shows like Blokes World, Girls of the Playboy Mansion and Underbelly full of female nudity and objectification – in the guise of entertainment.  Yet when I indulge in this kind of behavior (which I'm told is some form of female equality) the reaction isn't good.

When I start dating I meet men who want to go to strip clubs with mates and read Playboy and watch Blokes World and again I’m confused. Why do they like this but I wasn’t liked when I was all that? I start talking to boyfriends about how I want to become a stripper or pose for Playboy and they don't like the idea because “guys don’t respect that”. To which I reply, “Exactly, so why are you doing that to someone else’s sister, girlfriend, mother, daughter?” I've been asked to watch porn with guys and I say I’d rather have sex than watch other people having sex – more fun yes!

For them it is normal, if not their right as a man to subject women to this and guys are ridiculed by their mates when they don't engage in this behavior!

So you can see what began as harmless entertainment or advertising became a young girl’s nightmare as she grew into womanhood. There are many other girl’s dealing with this. There are young girls sending naked pics of themselves on their phones to their boyfriends who then share the pics with their mates. Very damaging! All because society tells boys and girls this is normal. Society teaches us: guys like sexy and girls should be sexy. If you're not sexy as a girl then you're nothing and if your not after as much sex as you can get as a boy then there is something wrong with you.

I encourage ALL MEN to be courageous and say NO to all forms of female objectivity. The welfare, confidence and self-esteem of your sons, daughters, girlfriends and wives depend on it. Not to mention it also gives you your power back as a man to fight and stand up for something far bigger than instant gratification at the expense of all women.

one week stand

Spent a week with my on again off again squeeze.  The week started off good.  He missed me and was loving and affectionate.

Days 1 - 3 he tries hard to turn me on, get me in the mood and get me to climax.  The sex is fun.  I do an erotic dance for him and have fun arousing him.  We drink, listen to music and have a good time.  We feel really in love.  We hug and kiss and show lots of affection.  I like it like this and wish we could feel this way all the time.  He holds me while we sleep.

Day 4 he is out at an event, comes back and is friendly yet distant and unaffectionate.  He is at ease being distant and not trying too hard.  He enjoys the company without it having to be about affection.  We're sore and tired from the sex and since we don't plan on any sex that day he is comfortably distant.  I don’t feel the same.  I enjoy the company and still like affection and can’t see why we can’t keep the affection going regardless of weather we're having sex or not.  I run a bubble bath and we have a bath together.  I please him in the bath tub just because I want to and I like to touch him.  He spends the remainder of the night being unaffectionate and unloving.

Day 5 he is grumpy and agitated, short tempered and keeps getting annoyed over things beyond his control.  Something he didn’t like happened and he can’t let it go or calm down.  He spends the next two days being agitated by this.  I try to concentrate on his good points while trying to ease him out of his grumpy mood.  While thinking, “Snap out of it!  You’re ruining the mood.”

He makes a comment about wanting me to give him pleasure again (one sided).  I don’t give it because I don’t like it when people are grumpy with or at me then want to be intimate.  Plus I feel like I already gave him something and ‘it’s his turn’ to give me something.  Not that I gave just because I wanted something in return, still I don’t think it should be one sided.  When do I get my pleasure just for the sake of him wanting to give that to me???

Day 6 while we’re getting dressed for the day I tell him his view of intimacy is skewed, he is looking at things only from the perspective of what he can get out of it.

I don’t elaborate because I think I’ll sound like I nag him if I do, but what I mean is: he only puts the moves on me when he wants to get laid.  If he doesn’t want sex he doesn’t touch me or show me any affection.  He wants me to touch him and spontaneously give him pleasure but doesn’t think to do anything like that to me in return.  He will take it if I give him pleasure and again doesn’t think to do anything like that in return.

He spends that day being complacent and comfortable regardless of what I said earlier.  He is with me but not with me.  He is on his computer.  He’s watching TV.  At night time we’re sitting on the sofa in front of the fire watching TV together and he’s is not touching me or hugging me.  Throughout the day I tried to instigate some affection by pestering him and trying to wrestle, touching him, kissing him, hugging, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

That night in bed he tries to grab at boobs and I tell him he had all day to touch me, he had his chance and lost it.  He calls me “Ice Queen”.  I tell him he’s King of Cold.

Day 7 he wakes up and starts the day off with an affection kiss and compliments, yet that is as far as his affection goes.  He spends the day going commando because I had been talking about it since before he got here.  He also spends his day making suggestions I touch him, give him pleasure etc. Now finally he is going commando he thinks being commando is all about easy access for me to do things to him.  Again it’s what he can get out of it not what he can give.

That night on the sofa, him sitting at one end on his computer, me at the other end I start a conversation about how the week is going.  He thinks the week is going well.  When I say to him that I liked how he was affectionate for the first few days and wish he’d keep that going he is surprised because it never occurred to him.  I tell him it feels like he’s only nice when he wants something and after he’s gotten it he’s distant, or if he's not in the mood for it he's distant.  He says I should give him signs and I remind him of my pestering and touching and kissing.  He admits that he let his bad mood get in the way and is sorry which is good yet it’s still two wasted days.

The next morning he is off again, away for some boys time.  I suppose I should be thankful I got 3 goods days out of him.

addictions

Addictions to sex, alcohol, drugs, food, computer, work, gambling, TV.  Addictions are signs that people are not fulfilled with their life.  Some thing is lacking.  Some thing is missing.

I have a friend who asked me, "How badly do you want it?"  This got me thinking about addictions and 'how badly does a person want or choose life over their addiction'.  Not wanting to go all heavy and deep like some motivational speaker.  I want to look at how this relates to life [my life and yours].

People today have fairly good lives.  Nothing too dramatic going on.  Their partner could be an alcoholic or a gambler.  They could be eating themselves to death because they don't see anything worth living for - nothing more exciting, interesting or desirable than their addiction.  The addiction feeds the moment and gives instant gratification.  There are lots of times when instant gratification is desired.

We could have starvation, all the water dried up, no food.  We could have civil wars between nationalities for ridiculous petty unsolvable reasons that could go on forever.  We could have it that only one child for every family lives to adulthood [as it was in the old days].  Or that we die at an average age of 50.

By comparison our lives are fairly good.  We can leave the abusive guy.  We can leave the girl who is so insecure you can never get her to see she is good enough, who hides behind backstabbing to feel better.

It's as though we turn to these addictions because we're bored.  There are no catastrophes.  There are no plagues.  Now there is very little to actually get us and we're living just about forever.  The longer we live the more time we have to fill and life is not so exciting.  The longer we live the more time we have to fill our lives with all our imperfections.  We fill out lives with these addictions to keep us happy in the moment.

Back to the question my friend asked, "How badly do you want it?"  How badly do we choose life over our addictions.  How badly do we want or need these addictions.  More than life?

brazilian

I wonder if I went to Brazil would I find all the women there sporting no hair downstairs?  I assume the name Brazilian is called Brazilian for a reason.  Yet it’s hard to imagine that this is a national trend there.

I’m not a fan of the bald badger myself.  It feels a little too childlike and I cannot get the notion of little girl out of my head.  When I was a little girl hankering to be a grown up woman I wished for boobies and pubic hair.  I didn’t wish for boobies and no pubic hair.  I knew that guys wanted women who had boobies and pubic hair.  I grew up seeing ladies who had pubic hair.

For girls these days seeing what they see and hear maybe they’ll grow up wanting to be grown up with huge boobs and no pubes?  It could relate to what we grow up with.

On TV they had a show about men who lusted after hairy women.  One guy even saying how if he could see some hair outside of the knickers that excited him.

I feel the same way about men.  When they’re topless I like the look of the hair that creeps up from their groin to their navel.  It is like the hair is an arrow pointing to the manly object down below.  Sexy.  Hairless men look smooth to touch and tantalizing.  Men with hair there look manly.

I’ve trimmed and such.  It’s not as though I’ve left the jungle yet even if I had that should be ok too.  We have moved away from being natural down stairs.  Should I trim it all off one day just to experience what it looks like and how I feel with no hair?  I don’t know. 

Maybe?  Maybe not?

What I always wanted as a little girl has come true.  Boobs and pubes.  I am a woman.

faking orgasm

it’s every dad’s fear their daughter dating a guy who drives a panel van aka ‘shag wagon’.  i dated a guy who drove a panel van.  i was an adult when i was dating him so no point dad worrying.

we go on a date out for a drive to some national park and we park the panel van by a lake with the tail end facing the water, the boot open so we can sit and watch the moon reflect on the waters surface.

not that we’re doing much moon watching.  he’s putting the moves on me and i’m just going with the flow.  i’ll be honest.  sometimes you’re just not in the mood for sex.  sometimes it doesn’t matter what moves are made you simply can’t get in to it.  this one of those times.  not that he noticed and not that his moves were good enough to turn me on.  he just kept going with his moves concentrating on what he wanted while i obliged.

so there we are, him on top, me lying there taking it like a man [what ever that means].  he had been giving it his best shot for quite some time.  thrusting away on top of me as though that was all he needed to do to get me hot and excited.  it was not unenjoyable.  i just wasn’t feeling turned on or in the mood.  he was.  so i figured it would be nice to let him have his fun.

ages later i’m lying there thinking when is he going to finish?  he’s taking ages.  has he climaxed yet?  i thought i heard him climax yet he’s still going.  how is that possible?  when will it be over?

then he turns to me and asks me, “have you orgasmed yet?”  in my mind i’m thinking, did you hear me orgasm, no, then of course i haven’t.  but then i’m not interested in orgasming and i realise this could be my out.  maybe he’s still going like an everready battery because he’s waiting for me to climax – how thoughtful of him.  rather than fake an orgasm which i’ve never done in my life i simply say “yes.  have you?”  he tells me he climaxed ages ago [i'm still wondering how it was possible for him to keep going afterward] and with that he hops off me and we’re done.

the end.

sexual fantasy 4

I’ve wondered what guys think about when it comes to fanaticism during sex.  Outside of sex I have asked guys what their sexual fantasies are and get told “You” or “We’re at a party and I take you outside and push you up against a wall and thrust away like a raging bull”.  Leaving me wondering at what point did I accept the advance and where did my knickers go?  He didn't even tell me he took them off.  Seriously, as women we want the build up.  When I think about sex outside at a party I Imagine arriving, my man thinking I’m sexy or some guy at the party thinking I’m sexy, flirting with me, looking at me seductively.  I imagine getting drinks and the guy coming over to flirt, a hand on my back or if he dares lightly touching my buttocks. 

I imagine passing in the hall way and he kisses me it starts off regular and then the kiss gets hotter.  Maybe we get some tongue and a touch in before someone else comes down the hall breaking us up.  Later on we meet outside the toilet or bathroom and sneak off to have another pash.  Again it starts off a bit shy, just teasing.  We’re at a party and don’t know how far to take it.  All this is a tease.  It leaves the woman feeling desired, wanted.  We get interrupted again someone wants to take a leak or wash their hands.

By the time we’re driving home we can’t help ourselves.  So much touching and titillating has left us both aching for each other so we go parking, and then he can thrust away like a raging bull.  A bull that knows and remembers the woman wants to climax too.

Men seem to find sex the fantasy and women find the lead up the fantasy.  Feeling hot sexual, being treated hot and sexual.  If it doesn’t happen that way in real life then fantasy is the best way to get it.

I heard that men are more faithful during sex than women.  Men think of the here and now and how good the sensations are.  Women think of scenarios, other men finding them attractive, turning their man on, of meeting up with their man for the first time at some place and lusting after each other.

I have had so many fantasies over the years.  When I get bored I start a new one.  Things like lying on the couch with my boyfriend under a blanket in the dark with the TV on, a couple of his mates are there and my boyfriend keeps trying to touch me and do things to me without anyone noticing.  Walking back from a costume party late at night, wearing a short nurse’s outfit with my boyfriend, who instigates sex in a well lit tunnel while noone else is around.  In my fantasies I always look great in any out fit and the guy is always super-man at working out how to turn me on and which buttons to press and what words to say.  That’s what makes it fantastic.

In reality the guy is so busy paying attention to his sensations in his here and now that he’s not thinking about whether I feel hot or not, or whether he’s leading me to believe he thinks I’m hot.   Maybe that's only my reality?   Having the guy think I’m hot and acting and showing that he thinks I’m hot is the biggest turn on, dream, fantasy ever!

mating rituals

sexy legs

Male camels loll their tongues [hanging their tongues out of their mouths and wobbling them about like slabs of raw steak] when they’re trying to impress female camels.  Male birds flap their colourful wings and do intricate dance moves to impress the female birds – who are usually dull coloured.  Lions spray their scent and flash their balls to lionesses in a courtship that goes on for up to three days before the lioness makes her choice of which lion to mate.  Males lions will fight each other over ownership of a pride and kill off all offspring of the losing lion if need be, in order to conquer and be king of that pride.

Attraction and mating in the animal kingdom is all about good providers and protectors and strong blood lines.  I don’t know the significance of the tongue lolling to attract the female camel’s attention.  Perhaps it’s about size or colour and is significant in some way to how strong a camel’s blood line will be?  I understand why birds flash their colours and dance and why lions urinate and flash their balls.  It’s about saying I’m powerful and I’ve got the goods to produce a good blood line.

Imagine if our mating rituals were like that.  Imagine brightly coloured men, with their tongues hanging out and their groins on display, dancing about with their penises going up, down, side to side, round and round [like tassels covering stripper’s nipples], fighting other men over being king of their family.  Notice I left out pissing to mark their scent.  We’ll leave that one to the lions.

Though it would be entertaining to see, none of those rituals would work for humans.  A tongue, bright colours and balls don’t show a man’s ability to provide or have strong blood lines.  Balls might seem a good way of showing if a man’s got strong blood lines, yet you cannot tell from looking at a man’s balls if is sperm count is good.  And you cannot tell by his package if he’s good in bed which is another important part of providing.  Having battles and fighting also don’t show how good a man is at providing.  He might be good at protection yet there’s no point in protecting if you have nothing to provide – infact, in our world those who have the least [to provide] are the one’s who fight the most.

Even though tongues, bright colours and balls wouldn’t offer us much in the way of knowing about a man’s abilities, I think it would be fun if men had dating and mating rituals like these.  It might make life more fun and entertaining.

Instead, we have the females on display in bright colours, with breasts hanging out and crotches on display.  It is the women parading themselves around and then making the decision on who to mate – based on what their attractions are.  While men stand around like bottles along a wall hoping to be selected by the brightly coloured female ‘peacocks’.  We are the only animal to have females on display and the only animal that doesn’t chose a mate by how well they provide or strong blood lines.  You only need notice our growing overweight populations to realise this.  As females who choose men via emotional attraction we tend to chose the first man who pays us a compliment or buys us a drink.  Not much to a man’s mating rituals there or the female’s selection.

A builder working hard at a work site or a man heading to an office in a suit and tie are signs of a good provider.  A man with broad shoulders and thin waste are signs of a strong blood line.  A sports man with strength is a good sign of protection.  And yet our female species will chose an unemployed man, and overweight man, a skinny weedy man.  We are also the only species to choose ‘the bottom of the barrel’ [so to speak] because we are the only animals with empathy and feelings and believe everyone has the right to love and happiness.  We are the only animals to base our mating choice on emotions and feelings.  This is a good thing because it means our men won’t be killing off offspring from another man’s pride.