mating rituals

sexy legs

Male camels loll their tongues [hanging their tongues out of their mouths and wobbling them about like slabs of raw steak] when they’re trying to impress female camels.  Male birds flap their colourful wings and do intricate dance moves to impress the female birds – who are usually dull coloured.  Lions spray their scent and flash their balls to lionesses in a courtship that goes on for up to three days before the lioness makes her choice of which lion to mate.  Males lions will fight each other over ownership of a pride and kill off all offspring of the losing lion if need be, in order to conquer and be king of that pride.

Attraction and mating in the animal kingdom is all about good providers and protectors and strong blood lines.  I don’t know the significance of the tongue lolling to attract the female camel’s attention.  Perhaps it’s about size or colour and is significant in some way to how strong a camel’s blood line will be?  I understand why birds flash their colours and dance and why lions urinate and flash their balls.  It’s about saying I’m powerful and I’ve got the goods to produce a good blood line.

Imagine if our mating rituals were like that.  Imagine brightly coloured men, with their tongues hanging out and their groins on display, dancing about with their penises going up, down, side to side, round and round [like tassels covering stripper’s nipples], fighting other men over being king of their family.  Notice I left out pissing to mark their scent.  We’ll leave that one to the lions.

Though it would be entertaining to see, none of those rituals would work for humans.  A tongue, bright colours and balls don’t show a man’s ability to provide or have strong blood lines.  Balls might seem a good way of showing if a man’s got strong blood lines, yet you cannot tell from looking at a man’s balls if is sperm count is good.  And you cannot tell by his package if he’s good in bed which is another important part of providing.  Having battles and fighting also don’t show how good a man is at providing.  He might be good at protection yet there’s no point in protecting if you have nothing to provide – infact, in our world those who have the least [to provide] are the one’s who fight the most.

Even though tongues, bright colours and balls wouldn’t offer us much in the way of knowing about a man’s abilities, I think it would be fun if men had dating and mating rituals like these.  It might make life more fun and entertaining.

Instead, we have the females on display in bright colours, with breasts hanging out and crotches on display.  It is the women parading themselves around and then making the decision on who to mate – based on what their attractions are.  While men stand around like bottles along a wall hoping to be selected by the brightly coloured female ‘peacocks’.  We are the only animal to have females on display and the only animal that doesn’t chose a mate by how well they provide or strong blood lines.  You only need notice our growing overweight populations to realise this.  As females who choose men via emotional attraction we tend to chose the first man who pays us a compliment or buys us a drink.  Not much to a man’s mating rituals there or the female’s selection.

A builder working hard at a work site or a man heading to an office in a suit and tie are signs of a good provider.  A man with broad shoulders and thin waste are signs of a strong blood line.  A sports man with strength is a good sign of protection.  And yet our female species will chose an unemployed man, and overweight man, a skinny weedy man.  We are also the only species to choose ‘the bottom of the barrel’ [so to speak] because we are the only animals with empathy and feelings and believe everyone has the right to love and happiness.  We are the only animals to base our mating choice on emotions and feelings.  This is a good thing because it means our men won’t be killing off offspring from another man’s pride.