happy happy joy :(

i wish i was like other people. i wish i enjoyed life, felt happy, having a good ol' time existing. i see people around me, happy, smiling, loving life. glad to be alive. blabbering on about how grand their life is, how good their man is, their job, their family and friends blah blah blah.

i want to tell them to shove it!

i see pictures of people in their happy worlds doing this, doing that. traveling here, traveling there. making money, losing weight, or not caring if they don't lose any weight. care free. not a problem in the world.

then there's me. i don't work the way they do. i see shit every where. pollar bear numbers declining. elephants and rhinos being hunted for horns. kids abused. people treated like objects. men who are slaves to money. people fighting over religion.

not to mention my personal life which is a schmozzle. a lover who tells me crap things about myself, i.e. you don't dress sexy enough, i thought you were jealous of that girl because she's prettier than you .. and i don't know how i'm supposed to move on from shit like that.

aside from the fact that i feel really sad a lot lately and don't need that added extra on top.

been waiting for this mood to pass and it's still here haunting me. clinging on and on. all the while pretending i'm ok because that's what people want to see. having to hide my true feelings because noone wants to be around miss sad sack.

not sure the world is made for people like me...