lonely

so lonely, sad, bored these days. to the point of random tears just thinking about how empty i feel. how unenjoyable life is at the min. i want to be out and about enjoying life. instead i'm spending months, years doing nothing i like.

lost in a world of work. the odd dinner, coffee, social events a couple times a year, drinking, eating. no dancing. lots of sitting around small talking. the big issues are not on the menu. boring. snooze. wake me up when life get's interesting.
worse still, if i don't contact ppl they don't bother to contact me. invite me out. do something. feels like i could disappear and no one would give a shit. if they did give a shit coz i disappeared they'd be fake assholes coz they don't show it.

i seek deep intense conversation. out rockn up a storm. dancing for my beau. adventure. i'm dying without it.

everyone wants me to keep on living coz life is good and copping out is a no no. yet i'm sinking.

if they only knew how sad i feel. how empty. a shell. night after night no conversation. no dancing. no ppl. nothing i love in my world.
i've no desire to live this way and if this is the rest of of my life .. .. .. .. .. .. :(