Girls (and guys) ever noticed how much harder it is to end a female friendship than a male relationship? I’m referring to if a friendship that is not going anywhere or dying. I have found that in the scheme of things it is easier to say that a relationship is not working and move on yet when a friendship is not working saying this seems to be taken so much more personally.
Over my life time I’ve had a few friendships that have turned out to be odd. Once I had a friend who was possessive. At first I didn’t know this. She was warm and giving and there for me, even if a little too much so. A sweet and lovely girl. Until I got a boyfriend. Suddenly I’m getting phone calls from her telling me I'm neglecting her. When I tried to reason with her saying that I’m entitled to some time with my boyfriend and some alone time by myself she turns the whole thing around, saying things along the lines of I’m acting like I think she needs me and can’t live without me. As easy as it sounds to tell her to shove off, when I did she didn’t take it well at all. Suddenly she’s the victim. She’s hurting. Why am I hurting her blah blah blah. Leaving me wondering how it is you call off a friendship and leave the person's [and your own] integrity in tact.
Another friendship I made was short lived and equally as awkward to break. We met at a party talking about all sorts of stuff I really like. I was thinking I like this girl, we have so much in common. When she asked for my phone number my sixth sense kicked in that I shouldn’t do it but I didn’t listen to my inner voice. When she starts phoning me I regretted it instantly. She was bagging all these people she knew, having this constant negative dialog basically about how shit people are. I kept reflecting the negativity, turning it into positive, but she wouldn’t take the hint. What’s more I couldn’t get a word in edge wise to the point where it was nearly impossible to get off the phone. Three phone calls later and I’m telling her I can’t do this, I can’t be her friend, please stop calling me. Again, it’s not as though I can just say “It’s not you it’s me. I need space. This just isn’t a good time for me”. When I try to end the friendship with this girl she is offended and hostile. I understand that because it isn’t a compliment though at the same time it isn't personal either. For me it feels like we’re simply not compatible. Some people do negative. Some people thrive off bagging others and find other people who want to join them in their negativity. Each to their own only I don’t work that way. If I dated a guy who was not compatible then I could say I’m sorry, this isn’t working for me, I need to move on. Yet when this happens with a girl friend suddenly they’re the victim and I’m a bitch who has insulted and offended them.
Yet another friendship I had was with a girl who was obsessed with finding man and who believes that she is nothing without one and has no real concept of how great she is an individual all by herself. Again each to their own. We all operate in this world differently. This just isn’t something I can relate to. It was all this girl talked about and thought about. Even to the point of poaching other girl’s men. Now I draw the line at that. You don’t steal someone else's guy. You get your own at the very least. She was a funny girl with a wicked sense of humor who laughs her way through life. Not a bad person yet not someone I had much in common with.
Again I found myself in a situation where I was trying to remove myself from the picture and having no idea how to go about it without hurting her. It wasn't as though I could simply say I'm not feeling this friendship, I think we have little in common, let's move on. When I did say I wasn’t feeling a connection I got victim statements like ‘I didn’t realise I was that awful or that you dislike me so much’.
You can see where I’m going with this. It’s like calling off a friendship with a girl is considerably more complex and emotionally shattering than calling off a relationship with a guy. Why is it so hard? What can’t we just politely excuse ourselves and walk away?
KD
KD
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