depression

she's in her room lying on her bed still in her pj's. even though it's daylight the room is dark. dance music blares out of her stereo. she wants to dance but feels so sad and moody she's struggling to muster up the mental strength. too many other things on her mind. sad things. things that leave her feeling disconnected, un-important.

a song comes on that she likes so she stands up hoping the urge or music hits her. at first she sways and bobs subtly, not moving much. soon she's moving a bit more here and there and then almost getting lost in the music. almost. it's loud enough for the beat to have the potential to move her.

for a moment she does get lost in the music. holds onto a piece of gym equipment with both hands and moves her hips, trying to get a knot out of part of her leg. before she knows it she's swilled her way down into a squat. using her ab muscles she pulls herself up and is impressed about the strength she has, that her body is able.

seconds later she ponders him. he, whom she thinks about dancing for, with .. then remembers he doesn't show a lot of interest in her moves and abilities. his disinterest in her dancing doesn't stop her from dancing when she's feeling cheerful. it's just that often she doesn't feel cheerful enough to dance.

even now that random thought brings tears to her eyes and she plonks back down onto the bed again. feeling teary and sad yet wishing she felt like dancing. where did that joyous feeling go?

7 men

and then there were seven as happens on reality tv.

7 men in a room talking about their wives, one man's wife in particular. of the 7 men one is a self professed stripper watcher. one man turns another man's wive into a sex object by asking how the man can have a conversation with her without staring at her (large breasts). guess which man it was?

'they' say it's regular man stuff that all men do, perfectly normal. yet of the 7 men only 1 objectified her. normal? not really.

the other men were appalled, at least several claimed to be, yet non told the other man how they felt about his banter. even then they were only annoyed that the husband was insulting his own wife and letting others insult her .. but not about the sexual objectification of a woman.

i mean seriously ..

what if they'd done that to HIS wife or theirs?

what if she was your daughter?

 

this pic pissed me off. it shits me because the only reason this father feels this way is because he knows what kind of shit other males are going to put his daughter through. and he knows this because he and other men treated girls badly when they were younger.
instead of telling boys to stay away from his daughter why doesn't he and other men, talk to each other about the respectful things they do to and for women?
why don't they start by changing the conversation?
if you're not bragging about how you fucked some chick 50 ways from sunday you wouldn't have to worry that some day some dickhead is going to do the same to your daughter.
if you're not bragging about how you groped some chicks breasts like it's a conquest you wouldn't have to worry that some day some dickhead is going to do the same to your daughter.
if you talked about what a work of art sex is, how it's a skill to treat a female with respect, dignity and equality, how all women deserve the respect you wish to be shown to yourself and your daughter, you'd change the way other guys are going to treat your daughter.
instead of telling guys to steer clear of your girl why don't you men make it that men won't want to abuse or mistreat women because YOU don't abuse or mistreat them.
it starts with you and if you are treating women nicely talk about it, shout it out. let other men know this is how they're supposed to treat females.
then maybe t.shirts like this will be unnecessary.

too little too late

that's like when you always wanted something and whomever it was never gave it, refused to give it even when you asked, hinted, begged, cried.

even when you logically explained how one day it would be too late because there's only so much you can handle of them not giving you what you know they can, but refuse to. they were still like, nah you exaggerate, it will never be too late for me to realise you had a point all along, not believing you can predict how you'll feel in the future.

and then when that day comes they're thinking, what's this new thing you're doing were you're acting like it's too little, too late?

in your mind you knew this day would come. you knew you would reach the point of no return. you would reach the point where you just didn't feel the same, want the same, care the same.

now they're attempting to be nice and you're like, eh... don't care, doesn't feel all that good this many years too late.

you wish it did because it's what you always wanted. now it's finally here you feel like it's hard to believe. hard to trust. hard to care. hard to feel the same in return.

they say they've finally realised you were right, they needed to appreciate what they had because now they realise how good you are.

your stuck wondering how you're going to turn your feelings around. believe them. trust they're telling the truth.

but the biggest hurdle is overcoming all the stuff they made you believe about yourself, about your relationship with them. now you're stuck trying to restructure your heart.

abortion man or religions choice, or yours

should man, government or religion have say over a woman's body?


abortions are a very private thing that those who are apposed to it most likely haven't been in a position to understand. if they had experienced it first hand they'd understand there are so many variables behind the choice and it's not an easy choice to make.

you have to understand, those who've been there done that know they've robbed the world of a precious being. that little being might have saved the world and made it all they way to jupiter's moon and back.
or .. they could have turned into some resentful bigoted thang who thinks the world owes them.

you're a woman, he wants you to get rid of they baby, you don't.
who gets the final say in this situation?

you want to get rid of the baby, he doesn't.
who gets the final say in this situation?

neither of you want anything to do with 'it'
who gets the final say in this situation?

you're underage, not ready to be a mum, addicted to drugs or alcohol, you were raped, your career is booming and a baby will destroy it coz women can't have it all, society hates on single mothers living off welfare.

50iddy billion reasons why and how and when and where it could get complicated.
who gets the final say in this situation?

she should.

since the woman is the one who has to carry a baby full term it should be 100% her choice. if he doesn't want to keep the baby she should raise it by herself. if she can't raise it by herself she should consider not bringing another life into this (overpopulated) world. if he wants her to keep the baby but she doesn't he should find himself another partner who is on the same page as him and wants children, not force her into having it because he says so.  if she wants to adopt the baby out, her choice. if she wants to keep the baby and raise it on her own, her choice. if she doesn't want to keep the baby and have it aborted, her choice.

in all cases it should be the woman's choice. religion (created by man) should not come into play and even if it does she'll face her time at the pearly gates right! government should not come into play and make laws about what a woman can and cannot do with her body. man should not come into play coz it's not his body the baby grows inside. that maybe seen as unfair and unequal but it's just how we've been designed.

at the end of the day it should always be the woman's choice with her living with the choices she makes.

the red pill

there is a new movie: the red pill. having seen the trailer and read about it, it is about men's issues and rights being largely ignored and unheard over the noise of the feminist movement. men are suffering, they're unhappy, they're losing their identities, they're losing their control as women become more equal. from what i gather there is significant blame put on women and the feminist movement for the suffering of men as it stands today. 

this blame is misplaced.

i am surrounded by men in my life. they outnumber the women in my life by at least 4 to 1. most of them are not happy with their lot in life; though they come across as content with this being the ways things are meant to be. most of them are unhappy with the idea that they have to slave away, do the daily grind, 9-5, for the rest of their lives just to have money to survive. even the wealthy men i know still feel like shit cans to be kicked and ordered around by wealthy ceos. these men are treated well by the women in their lives. they are for the most part happy with their relationships. what makes them unhappy is 'having' to work. having to! being forced to do jobs that don't make them happy because the world is based on having money and we cannot survive without it. they feel like pawns, like puppets in a world run by greed. and they are.

let us take prostate cancer for example. it is the largest cause of death in men, yet, breast cancer gets more attention. thus woman's health is seen as being put ahead of men's health. the sad truth is it's women sexual objectification that is being used here. the only reason we talk and talk and talk about breast cancer is because breasts sell. ads relating to this subject can be and are provocative because it's boobs! where as bums, especially men's bums, are less objectified and seen as something that won't sell. what are they trying to sell? products, pink products, raising money for cancer awareness .. corporate greed, my friends, corporate greed. it's not about male vs female, it's about greed making us all unhappy.

i've no objections to the movie because, no doubt the issues raised (see below quotes) are happening, just as women are sexually assaulted on university campuses, just as young girls are coerced into sexting only to have it shared on the internet, just as very young boys are kidnapped from their homes and forced into camel jockeying, just as more and more young boys are sexually assaulted at school due to the rise in porn. there are all manner of travesties happening in this world. non of which i trivialise because no one issue is more important than the other.

quote "I can't tell you .. how many guys I've talked to who are like yeah she stabbed me and they put me in jail."

quote "just say that he raped you, sexually abused you, and we'll get you the house, we'll get the kids, and it's done quick."

where i do have reservations about the movie is where men lay the blame. with women. with feminism. women wanting equality has lead to an uprising of female control and women are using that control to make men's lives miserable. to that i say: this world is not run by women. this world is not and has not been created by women. women are also mere pawns, puppets in this world of greed. we are all largely unhappy with the status quo. this happening to all of us. women's rights may get more air time while men's issues are kept quiet, that being said women have been kept quiet for thousands and thousands of years. it's time we had a voice. and men should have their voice also.

movies like this that segregate and, i fear, promote a hatred towards another gender will not and do not help the situation. in order for any and all of the many issues to be remedied we need to get together, work together, learn together and figure out how we are going to tackle these issues and meet as many needs as possible. it is not as simple as putting women back in their place and leaving things to be run by men and this will resume the natural order of things. it hasn't worked to date.

happiness

when i was young

i thought i would be 'happy' when i grew up. i thought happiness was being adult and getting to 'finally' make your own moves

then i grew up

and realised .. happiness is illusive. remote. some where in the future. non existent. i've been chasing it my whole life: it; him, that, she

only .. to grow up and realise how illusive it is

we grow up with partners, kids, friends and it's still not quite there. no one has yet shown it to me. what does it look like?

in my mind it is: singalongs with guitars and voices; me, others dancing, singing, moving. not stagnant. not irrelevant. for others it is different and yet the same.

story telling. being. someone. something. relevant for the above. happy

my mother, my family, my loved ones .. everyone i can see .. is chasing it. and how can i show it to them when i cannot find it myself. 

once up a time .. when i was young

i thought i'd find it at clubs, with friends, with him .. but no. everyone is chasing it and yet to explain what it looks like.

makes me wonder. what is the point to chasing happiness .. when non exists in how we assume it to be.