depression

she's in her room lying on her bed still in her pj's. even though it's daylight the room is dark. dance music blares out of her stereo. she wants to dance but feels so sad and moody she's struggling to muster up the mental strength. too many other things on her mind. sad things. things that leave her feeling disconnected, un-important.

a song comes on that she likes so she stands up hoping the urge or music hits her. at first she sways and bobs subtly, not moving much. soon she's moving a bit more here and there and then almost getting lost in the music. almost. it's loud enough for the beat to have the potential to move her.

for a moment she does get lost in the music. holds onto a piece of gym equipment with both hands and moves her hips, trying to get a knot out of part of her leg. before she knows it she's swilled her way down into a squat. using her ab muscles she pulls herself up and is impressed about the strength she has, that her body is able.

seconds later she ponders him. he, whom she thinks about dancing for, with .. then remembers he doesn't show a lot of interest in her moves and abilities. his disinterest in her dancing doesn't stop her from dancing when she's feeling cheerful. it's just that often she doesn't feel cheerful enough to dance.

even now that random thought brings tears to her eyes and she plonks back down onto the bed again. feeling teary and sad yet wishing she felt like dancing. where did that joyous feeling go?