happiness

when i was young

i thought i would be 'happy' when i grew up. i thought happiness was being adult and getting to 'finally' make your own moves

then i grew up

and realised .. happiness is illusive. remote. some where in the future. non existent. i've been chasing it my whole life: it; him, that, she

only .. to grow up and realise how illusive it is

we grow up with partners, kids, friends and it's still not quite there. no one has yet shown it to me. what does it look like?

in my mind it is: singalongs with guitars and voices; me, others dancing, singing, moving. not stagnant. not irrelevant. for others it is different and yet the same.

story telling. being. someone. something. relevant for the above. happy

my mother, my family, my loved ones .. everyone i can see .. is chasing it. and how can i show it to them when i cannot find it myself. 

once up a time .. when i was young

i thought i'd find it at clubs, with friends, with him .. but no. everyone is chasing it and yet to explain what it looks like.

makes me wonder. what is the point to chasing happiness .. when non exists in how we assume it to be.