too little too late

that's like when you always wanted something and whomever it was never gave it, refused to give it even when you asked, hinted, begged, cried.

even when you logically explained how one day it would be too late because there's only so much you can handle of them not giving you what you know they can, but refuse to. they were still like, nah you exaggerate, it will never be too late for me to realise you had a point all along, not believing you can predict how you'll feel in the future.

and then when that day comes they're thinking, what's this new thing you're doing were you're acting like it's too little, too late?

in your mind you knew this day would come. you knew you would reach the point of no return. you would reach the point where you just didn't feel the same, want the same, care the same.

now they're attempting to be nice and you're like, eh... don't care, doesn't feel all that good this many years too late.

you wish it did because it's what you always wanted. now it's finally here you feel like it's hard to believe. hard to trust. hard to care. hard to feel the same in return.

they say they've finally realised you were right, they needed to appreciate what they had because now they realise how good you are.

your stuck wondering how you're going to turn your feelings around. believe them. trust they're telling the truth.

but the biggest hurdle is overcoming all the stuff they made you believe about yourself, about your relationship with them. now you're stuck trying to restructure your heart.

abortion man or religions choice, or yours

should man, government or religion have say over a woman's body?


abortions are a very private thing that those who are apposed to it most likely haven't been in a position to understand. if they had experienced it first hand they'd understand there are so many variables behind the choice and it's not an easy choice to make.

you have to understand, those who've been there done that know they've robbed the world of a precious being. that little being might have saved the world and made it all they way to jupiter's moon and back.
or .. they could have turned into some resentful bigoted thang who thinks the world owes them.

you're a woman, he wants you to get rid of they baby, you don't.
who gets the final say in this situation?

you want to get rid of the baby, he doesn't.
who gets the final say in this situation?

neither of you want anything to do with 'it'
who gets the final say in this situation?

you're underage, not ready to be a mum, addicted to drugs or alcohol, you were raped, your career is booming and a baby will destroy it coz women can't have it all, society hates on single mothers living off welfare.

50iddy billion reasons why and how and when and where it could get complicated.
who gets the final say in this situation?

she should.

since the woman is the one who has to carry a baby full term it should be 100% her choice. if he doesn't want to keep the baby she should raise it by herself. if she can't raise it by herself she should consider not bringing another life into this (overpopulated) world. if he wants her to keep the baby but she doesn't he should find himself another partner who is on the same page as him and wants children, not force her into having it because he says so.  if she wants to adopt the baby out, her choice. if she wants to keep the baby and raise it on her own, her choice. if she doesn't want to keep the baby and have it aborted, her choice.

in all cases it should be the woman's choice. religion (created by man) should not come into play and even if it does she'll face her time at the pearly gates right! government should not come into play and make laws about what a woman can and cannot do with her body. man should not come into play coz it's not his body the baby grows inside. that maybe seen as unfair and unequal but it's just how we've been designed.

at the end of the day it should always be the woman's choice with her living with the choices she makes.

the red pill

there is a new movie: the red pill. having seen the trailer and read about it, it is about men's issues and rights being largely ignored and unheard over the noise of the feminist movement. men are suffering, they're unhappy, they're losing their identities, they're losing their control as women become more equal. from what i gather there is significant blame put on women and the feminist movement for the suffering of men as it stands today. 

this blame is misplaced.

i am surrounded by men in my life. they outnumber the women in my life by at least 4 to 1. most of them are not happy with their lot in life; though they come across as content with this being the ways things are meant to be. most of them are unhappy with the idea that they have to slave away, do the daily grind, 9-5, for the rest of their lives just to have money to survive. even the wealthy men i know still feel like shit cans to be kicked and ordered around by wealthy ceos. these men are treated well by the women in their lives. they are for the most part happy with their relationships. what makes them unhappy is 'having' to work. having to! being forced to do jobs that don't make them happy because the world is based on having money and we cannot survive without it. they feel like pawns, like puppets in a world run by greed. and they are.

let us take prostate cancer for example. it is the largest cause of death in men, yet, breast cancer gets more attention. thus woman's health is seen as being put ahead of men's health. the sad truth is it's women sexual objectification that is being used here. the only reason we talk and talk and talk about breast cancer is because breasts sell. ads relating to this subject can be and are provocative because it's boobs! where as bums, especially men's bums, are less objectified and seen as something that won't sell. what are they trying to sell? products, pink products, raising money for cancer awareness .. corporate greed, my friends, corporate greed. it's not about male vs female, it's about greed making us all unhappy.

i've no objections to the movie because, no doubt the issues raised (see below quotes) are happening, just as women are sexually assaulted on university campuses, just as young girls are coerced into sexting only to have it shared on the internet, just as very young boys are kidnapped from their homes and forced into camel jockeying, just as more and more young boys are sexually assaulted at school due to the rise in porn. there are all manner of travesties happening in this world. non of which i trivialise because no one issue is more important than the other.

quote "I can't tell you .. how many guys I've talked to who are like yeah she stabbed me and they put me in jail."

quote "just say that he raped you, sexually abused you, and we'll get you the house, we'll get the kids, and it's done quick."

where i do have reservations about the movie is where men lay the blame. with women. with feminism. women wanting equality has lead to an uprising of female control and women are using that control to make men's lives miserable. to that i say: this world is not run by women. this world is not and has not been created by women. women are also mere pawns, puppets in this world of greed. we are all largely unhappy with the status quo. this happening to all of us. women's rights may get more air time while men's issues are kept quiet, that being said women have been kept quiet for thousands and thousands of years. it's time we had a voice. and men should have their voice also.

movies like this that segregate and, i fear, promote a hatred towards another gender will not and do not help the situation. in order for any and all of the many issues to be remedied we need to get together, work together, learn together and figure out how we are going to tackle these issues and meet as many needs as possible. it is not as simple as putting women back in their place and leaving things to be run by men and this will resume the natural order of things. it hasn't worked to date.

happiness

when i was young

i thought i would be 'happy' when i grew up. i thought happiness was being adult and getting to 'finally' make your own moves

then i grew up

and realised .. happiness is illusive. remote. some where in the future. non existent. i've been chasing it my whole life: it; him, that, she

only .. to grow up and realise how illusive it is

we grow up with partners, kids, friends and it's still not quite there. no one has yet shown it to me. what does it look like?

in my mind it is: singalongs with guitars and voices; me, others dancing, singing, moving. not stagnant. not irrelevant. for others it is different and yet the same.

story telling. being. someone. something. relevant for the above. happy

my mother, my family, my loved ones .. everyone i can see .. is chasing it. and how can i show it to them when i cannot find it myself. 

once up a time .. when i was young

i thought i'd find it at clubs, with friends, with him .. but no. everyone is chasing it and yet to explain what it looks like.

makes me wonder. what is the point to chasing happiness .. when non exists in how we assume it to be. 

50 shades of wrong

50 shades of grey is 50 shades of wrong. the moral of the story was not 'bdsm is erotic so every one should try it'. the moral of the story was about abuse being passed on from one person to another and how damaging that is.

mr grey had the potential to be a normal well adjusted human being until some older woman got her hands on him and bdsm'd him into a damaged person. he then passed this damage onto his virginal assistant thereby fucking her up for the rest of her life.

there is no erotica in that. only abuse and damage.

yet females talk about this story like: i found the book so erotic, i wouldn't mind someone tying me up ..

the amount of people thinking they wanted to give bdsm a go increased after this book hit the markets without people having any understanding of a few key (vital) points.

1) bdsm has certain rules and codes the parties must adhere to such as a code word for STOP i'm not enjoying this!

2) studies shows that 99% of those who participate in bdsm are using it to deal with sexual trauma of some type. e.g. a female who has been raped now goes into bdsm relationships with men where they are tied up and controlled because this gives her a (false) sense of security. as apposed to having her sexual trauma treated professionally. using bdsm in this way .. she will always remain damaged.

empowerment does not equal control over others. if you have the need to control others you are not in a position of power and what you're doing won't give you that power.

empowerment equals freedom and equality.

census vs privacy

the census wants to know the current address, the name, sex, date of birth, relationship, marital status, origin, usual address, address one year ago, address five years ago, citizenship, country of birth, where mother and father were born, language spoken, who well english is known, ancestry, religion, how able, any need of assistance, any educational institution, type of educational system, highest level completed, extra certification, highest qualification, completed when, how many live births, total income, their job, self employed or have an employer, incorporated or not, how many people employed, person's occupation, main tasks, business name, workplace address, industry, goods produced, hours worked, transport to work, actively looking for work, unpaid domestic work, unpaid care, unpaid childcare, voluntary work, persons who usually live at dwelling, sex, date of birth or age, origin, relationship, how many bedrooms, what type of dwelling, rented, cost, access the internet, agree to name and address and other information being kept for 99 years, signature.

this is to help with infrastructure: roads, public transport, hospitals, churches, housing, schools ..

one might wonder what has a person's private address got to do with this, what does the birth place of their parents have to do with this, what does their signature have to do with this, their marital status, the full names of their children, where they lived previously, how many births ..

a lot of this information would be available in each municipality via rates, how many students attend local schools, kindergartens, how many children apply and can't fit in, letters and communications written to local councils from residents asking for infrastructure, company tax returns, company registrations and abn's, social security applications, and all manner of government databases of information ..

much of what is requested on the form is highly private information that isn't specifically needed to work out infrastructure such as full name, date of birth and address, place of parents birth, and just like voting in australia it is compulsory or be fined - which is not the democratic way. people should be given a choice if they want to supply this information and if so how much.

this legislation was brought in, in 1905, before anybody alive today even had a choice or a vote and in the act it says in section part II 8A (b) "a person has consented, in accordance with the form, to the information contained in the form being transferred to the custody of the archives under this section;"
it doesn't talk about whether or not a person consents to filling in the form to begin with - just they they HAVE to.

none of it helps with regard to important issues like homelessness (who aren't counted in the census), sexual inequality, porn addiction and the ramifications, lack of decent sex ed, global warming, how many people are apposed to fracking, gm foods, corporate greed, corporate raping of the planet .. all those big key issues the average joe never gets a real say in.

if you're going to collect date keep it impersonal and keep it real. make it about stuff that really matters.

the predator

his perspective is his behavior was normal and nothing out of the ordinary. he did nothing wrong.

her side of the story:
they became friends at work, he seemed ok even though he was into things that made her wonder about him. porn, gonzo porn, said the girls wanna be there and he's not wrong for liking it even if a girl is being hurt. she's wondering if he can still be a decent person if he's into that, or not?
they talked about their relationships. her's was with a manipulative liar who constantly tried to convince her, her forebodings were all in her head. his last relationship had been a while ago. when she spoke of her relationship he was supportive and sympathetic, saying the guy wasn't decent and she could do better.
the thing they talked about most was their views on friendships between males and females. she was saying how she felt (towards him), for e.g. she said it bothered her that females couldn't be friends with males without them expecting it to lead to sex. why couldn't they just genuinely be friends? why must there be conditions. he agreed on all points, saying what she wanted to hear. (she did not know this at the time).
one night there is a work party. she has just split up with her bf and although she understands it's a good move she is yet to come to terms with her new life emotionally. at the party she drinks a little too much, drowning out her sorrows. she thinks she's safe, among friends.
she cries on the shoulders of a few friends that night, including his. after talking for a while he suggests she come back to his place so he can be a shoulder for her lean on. she accepts. at the end of the night they leave together.
back at his place he sits on one chair, she sits on another. he tries a number of different ways to get her to come over to him. eventually bringing her to sit on his knee. she moves away from his advances several times because she feels they're crossing the friendship boundaries, and she's not ready for anything after just spitting up with her bf. she thought he understood this.
the night goes on and he eventually, subtly, physically persuades her to be intimate with him. she can retrace the steps in her mind but still wonders how it happened, how she couldn't get him to notice her rejections. not wanting to be all out rude and say 'i don't want to have sex with you, she worried he'd reject her as a friend. thinking her saying no would ruin their friendship and she still thought he meant the things he'd said and was a decent guy.
so when she found herself in a position of powerlessness, unable to say no, the alcohol reducing her strength and resolve, regretting having gone back to his house, kicking herself for not realising this was his intention all along, she let things happen. though nothing as drastic as intercourse because thankfully she had her period, a reason to say no, even though he kept trying to persuade her to have sex with him anyway, but she wasn't into that.
still he put the moves on and, at one point when she began passing out from tiredness, he woke her by grabbing her hand and shoving it onto his man-thing. wanting her to at least finish him off if she wasn't going to put out.

they met at a park a day or so later after and he kept trying to hug and kiss her while she kept pulling away, telling him she only wants to be friends and hopes the other night doesn't ruin their friendship. over the course of a few days he starts being quite in-her-face. doing things like pulling her into him for a hug, grabbing her as she passes him, wanting to visit her place or have her visit him. as memories of the other night came back to her, along with his actions since, she begins to realise he's trying to force the situation and acting entitled because it's not falling into place.
she eventually talks to him about his actions on the night, telling him how she feels about him having crossed the friendship line and feeling that he's deliberately ignoring her rejections even though she's being clear about not wanting him in that way. at work he begins to make snide remarks to others as well as being outright antagonistic with her. saying disparaging things about girls in the sex industry and how they're asking for it. she begins to see another side of him and realises he was just playing the part of nice guy.

when he eventually hears here version of that night, that he took advantage of her after her breakup with her bf, played upon her drunken state and ignored her protestations, he is taken aback. he fell into victim role telling others that she was accusing him of being sexual predator and how she was threatening to call the police on him. she wonders how the story got so convoluted while thinking 'but you are a sexual predator, you just don't see it. you pray upon vulnerable girls and have no issue with it, even after they tell you how the situation made them feel'.

and she wanted to believe that a guy into gonzo porn could still be a decent person but this guy made it all about himself and his sexual entitlement. she was female, she has a vagina, she was in the same room as him, therefore she owes him and there is nothing wrong with his actions, even though she tried to push him away and move away from him several times and say no. what he heard was yes because i'm male, you're female, and the girls in porn want it so give it to me.

are you a sexual predator?