train story .. mr smiley

There was a young man on the train yesterday.  Mr Smiley.  He stood by the door 

grinning and smiling to himself.  Some times he broke into a small laugh.  

Nothing deterred him.  Not me watching.  Not the other passengers or even

those standing right in front of him.  His smile did not leave his face for even a

moment.  Lost in thoughts of happiness.

Wonder what made him so happy.  Wish I'd had the courage to ask.

black - poem

Your hair is 'died' blond

Your eyes are bright blue

Your 'anorexic' figure is to die for

Many gaze and stare as you walk by

Wearing your pretty pastel coloured

Fitted clothes

You talk sweetly
Calling everyone 'darl'

You smile a lot
With perfect teeth

Your full luscious lips...

...yet not with your eyes
Never... with your eyes!

You give and give and give some more

And run yourself dry

You talk of neglect

Of people walking all over you

People all taking none giving

Others never giving 110%

The way you say you do

Though generosity
Isn't generous
If  the point to giving
Is to bag others for not giving

But I've looking into those eyes

So bright and blue

And all I see is a deep hollowness

Black, through and through

And constantly you apologise

I'm sorry for this or that

But your apologies

Are a mere cover

To hide your wicked thoughts

Impure!

You speak of friendship

A closeness deep and strong

And yet you talk behind my back

Telling others I am wrong

I don't give 110%

I'm all take and no give

But when I smile

What you see is true

My eyes are never black [like yours]

They are gorgeous green

True, through and through

sexy isn't what guys want

I was a regular teen girl. I like boys and wanted to be an actress. I grew up with a dad who didn’t engage in porn, men’s mags or things like that and he raised me to be the same. Outside of our home every thing told me that female objectification was normal.

Growing up I remember watching a ‘family’ movie in primary school where a lady did a strip tease down to her sparkly knickers with just tassels on her breasts. I told the teacher he needed to turn the movie off, that we shouldn’t be watching this and was told to sit down and be quiet. I remember movies where women got raped, had their clothes ripped off and their bodies exposed and I wondered why it was ok to show this? I wondered if shows like this were damaging because they were saying “This is bad but here are some breasts to make you watch”.

I’ve got my dad in one ear telling me to be a good girl and not to sleep with boys because sex is all they’re after, while the world is telling me sexy is good, sex is popular, all the guys want sexy and sex!  By the time I’m late teens early 20’s I’m mildly promiscuous, though I’m not more popular and I’m very confused.  I thought sexy was the way to be. Everywhere I look I'm being told this!!

There is nudity and sexual innuendo in music videos, TV commercials, billboards, Paris Hilton getting famous from a leaked homemade sex video, men who go to strips clubs, download porn from the net, purchase Playboy and want to watch porn with their girlfriends.  There are shows like Blokes World, Girls of the Playboy Mansion and Underbelly full of female nudity and objectification – in the guise of entertainment.  Yet when I indulge in this kind of behavior (which I'm told is some form of female equality) the reaction isn't good.

When I start dating I meet men who want to go to strip clubs with mates and read Playboy and watch Blokes World and again I’m confused. Why do they like this but I wasn’t liked when I was all that? I start talking to boyfriends about how I want to become a stripper or pose for Playboy and they don't like the idea because “guys don’t respect that”. To which I reply, “Exactly, so why are you doing that to someone else’s sister, girlfriend, mother, daughter?” I've been asked to watch porn with guys and I say I’d rather have sex than watch other people having sex – more fun yes!

For them it is normal, if not their right as a man to subject women to this and guys are ridiculed by their mates when they don't engage in this behavior!

So you can see what began as harmless entertainment or advertising became a young girl’s nightmare as she grew into womanhood. There are many other girl’s dealing with this. There are young girls sending naked pics of themselves on their phones to their boyfriends who then share the pics with their mates. Very damaging! All because society tells boys and girls this is normal. Society teaches us: guys like sexy and girls should be sexy. If you're not sexy as a girl then you're nothing and if your not after as much sex as you can get as a boy then there is something wrong with you.

I encourage ALL MEN to be courageous and say NO to all forms of female objectivity. The welfare, confidence and self-esteem of your sons, daughters, girlfriends and wives depend on it. Not to mention it also gives you your power back as a man to fight and stand up for something far bigger than instant gratification at the expense of all women.

one week stand

Spent a week with my on again off again squeeze.  The week started off good.  He missed me and was loving and affectionate.

Days 1 - 3 he tries hard to turn me on, get me in the mood and get me to climax.  The sex is fun.  I do an erotic dance for him and have fun arousing him.  We drink, listen to music and have a good time.  We feel really in love.  We hug and kiss and show lots of affection.  I like it like this and wish we could feel this way all the time.  He holds me while we sleep.

Day 4 he is out at an event, comes back and is friendly yet distant and unaffectionate.  He is at ease being distant and not trying too hard.  He enjoys the company without it having to be about affection.  We're sore and tired from the sex and since we don't plan on any sex that day he is comfortably distant.  I don’t feel the same.  I enjoy the company and still like affection and can’t see why we can’t keep the affection going regardless of weather we're having sex or not.  I run a bubble bath and we have a bath together.  I please him in the bath tub just because I want to and I like to touch him.  He spends the remainder of the night being unaffectionate and unloving.

Day 5 he is grumpy and agitated, short tempered and keeps getting annoyed over things beyond his control.  Something he didn’t like happened and he can’t let it go or calm down.  He spends the next two days being agitated by this.  I try to concentrate on his good points while trying to ease him out of his grumpy mood.  While thinking, “Snap out of it!  You’re ruining the mood.”

He makes a comment about wanting me to give him pleasure again (one sided).  I don’t give it because I don’t like it when people are grumpy with or at me then want to be intimate.  Plus I feel like I already gave him something and ‘it’s his turn’ to give me something.  Not that I gave just because I wanted something in return, still I don’t think it should be one sided.  When do I get my pleasure just for the sake of him wanting to give that to me???

Day 6 while we’re getting dressed for the day I tell him his view of intimacy is skewed, he is looking at things only from the perspective of what he can get out of it.

I don’t elaborate because I think I’ll sound like I nag him if I do, but what I mean is: he only puts the moves on me when he wants to get laid.  If he doesn’t want sex he doesn’t touch me or show me any affection.  He wants me to touch him and spontaneously give him pleasure but doesn’t think to do anything like that to me in return.  He will take it if I give him pleasure and again doesn’t think to do anything like that in return.

He spends that day being complacent and comfortable regardless of what I said earlier.  He is with me but not with me.  He is on his computer.  He’s watching TV.  At night time we’re sitting on the sofa in front of the fire watching TV together and he’s is not touching me or hugging me.  Throughout the day I tried to instigate some affection by pestering him and trying to wrestle, touching him, kissing him, hugging, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

That night in bed he tries to grab at boobs and I tell him he had all day to touch me, he had his chance and lost it.  He calls me “Ice Queen”.  I tell him he’s King of Cold.

Day 7 he wakes up and starts the day off with an affection kiss and compliments, yet that is as far as his affection goes.  He spends the day going commando because I had been talking about it since before he got here.  He also spends his day making suggestions I touch him, give him pleasure etc. Now finally he is going commando he thinks being commando is all about easy access for me to do things to him.  Again it’s what he can get out of it not what he can give.

That night on the sofa, him sitting at one end on his computer, me at the other end I start a conversation about how the week is going.  He thinks the week is going well.  When I say to him that I liked how he was affectionate for the first few days and wish he’d keep that going he is surprised because it never occurred to him.  I tell him it feels like he’s only nice when he wants something and after he’s gotten it he’s distant, or if he's not in the mood for it he's distant.  He says I should give him signs and I remind him of my pestering and touching and kissing.  He admits that he let his bad mood get in the way and is sorry which is good yet it’s still two wasted days.

The next morning he is off again, away for some boys time.  I suppose I should be thankful I got 3 goods days out of him.

addictions

Addictions to sex, alcohol, drugs, food, computer, work, gambling, TV.  Addictions are signs that people are not fulfilled with their life.  Some thing is lacking.  Some thing is missing.

I have a friend who asked me, "How badly do you want it?"  This got me thinking about addictions and 'how badly does a person want or choose life over their addiction'.  Not wanting to go all heavy and deep like some motivational speaker.  I want to look at how this relates to life [my life and yours].

People today have fairly good lives.  Nothing too dramatic going on.  Their partner could be an alcoholic or a gambler.  They could be eating themselves to death because they don't see anything worth living for - nothing more exciting, interesting or desirable than their addiction.  The addiction feeds the moment and gives instant gratification.  There are lots of times when instant gratification is desired.

We could have starvation, all the water dried up, no food.  We could have civil wars between nationalities for ridiculous petty unsolvable reasons that could go on forever.  We could have it that only one child for every family lives to adulthood [as it was in the old days].  Or that we die at an average age of 50.

By comparison our lives are fairly good.  We can leave the abusive guy.  We can leave the girl who is so insecure you can never get her to see she is good enough, who hides behind backstabbing to feel better.

It's as though we turn to these addictions because we're bored.  There are no catastrophes.  There are no plagues.  Now there is very little to actually get us and we're living just about forever.  The longer we live the more time we have to fill and life is not so exciting.  The longer we live the more time we have to fill our lives with all our imperfections.  We fill out lives with these addictions to keep us happy in the moment.

Back to the question my friend asked, "How badly do you want it?"  How badly do we choose life over our addictions.  How badly do we want or need these addictions.  More than life?

brazilian

I wonder if I went to Brazil would I find all the women there sporting no hair downstairs?  I assume the name Brazilian is called Brazilian for a reason.  Yet it’s hard to imagine that this is a national trend there.

I’m not a fan of the bald badger myself.  It feels a little too childlike and I cannot get the notion of little girl out of my head.  When I was a little girl hankering to be a grown up woman I wished for boobies and pubic hair.  I didn’t wish for boobies and no pubic hair.  I knew that guys wanted women who had boobies and pubic hair.  I grew up seeing ladies who had pubic hair.

For girls these days seeing what they see and hear maybe they’ll grow up wanting to be grown up with huge boobs and no pubes?  It could relate to what we grow up with.

On TV they had a show about men who lusted after hairy women.  One guy even saying how if he could see some hair outside of the knickers that excited him.

I feel the same way about men.  When they’re topless I like the look of the hair that creeps up from their groin to their navel.  It is like the hair is an arrow pointing to the manly object down below.  Sexy.  Hairless men look smooth to touch and tantalizing.  Men with hair there look manly.

I’ve trimmed and such.  It’s not as though I’ve left the jungle yet even if I had that should be ok too.  We have moved away from being natural down stairs.  Should I trim it all off one day just to experience what it looks like and how I feel with no hair?  I don’t know. 

Maybe?  Maybe not?

What I always wanted as a little girl has come true.  Boobs and pubes.  I am a woman.

faking orgasm

it’s every dad’s fear their daughter dating a guy who drives a panel van aka ‘shag wagon’.  i dated a guy who drove a panel van.  i was an adult when i was dating him so no point dad worrying.

we go on a date out for a drive to some national park and we park the panel van by a lake with the tail end facing the water, the boot open so we can sit and watch the moon reflect on the waters surface.

not that we’re doing much moon watching.  he’s putting the moves on me and i’m just going with the flow.  i’ll be honest.  sometimes you’re just not in the mood for sex.  sometimes it doesn’t matter what moves are made you simply can’t get in to it.  this one of those times.  not that he noticed and not that his moves were good enough to turn me on.  he just kept going with his moves concentrating on what he wanted while i obliged.

so there we are, him on top, me lying there taking it like a man [what ever that means].  he had been giving it his best shot for quite some time.  thrusting away on top of me as though that was all he needed to do to get me hot and excited.  it was not unenjoyable.  i just wasn’t feeling turned on or in the mood.  he was.  so i figured it would be nice to let him have his fun.

ages later i’m lying there thinking when is he going to finish?  he’s taking ages.  has he climaxed yet?  i thought i heard him climax yet he’s still going.  how is that possible?  when will it be over?

then he turns to me and asks me, “have you orgasmed yet?”  in my mind i’m thinking, did you hear me orgasm, no, then of course i haven’t.  but then i’m not interested in orgasming and i realise this could be my out.  maybe he’s still going like an everready battery because he’s waiting for me to climax – how thoughtful of him.  rather than fake an orgasm which i’ve never done in my life i simply say “yes.  have you?”  he tells me he climaxed ages ago [i'm still wondering how it was possible for him to keep going afterward] and with that he hops off me and we’re done.

the end.