dying

there are things i really hate in this world.  things that i despise.  things that really piss me off like nothing else!  other people are not so apposed to the things i'm opposed to.  to them it's normal and i'm the odd one out.

because others aren't as pained about it as me it will never go away.  never be changed. eradicated.  in fact most others (men mostly) think it's all bloody terrific.  it's a man's world.  made by man for man.  they get everything they want regardless of who they hurt.  they want child pornography they get it.   what ever their heart desires they get.  it's theirs to enjoy no matter who gets hurt, chewed up and spat out in the process.

not begin able to change it, eradicate it, leaves me feeling powerless and meaningless, worthless as a human being and what little rights i have.  not being able to avoid it makes me furious.  if it was something man hated it would be gone.  no one would have to deal with it.  when i think of all the men in my life who will never have to confront any of the things they truly hate while i have to endure this on a daily basis for the rest of my fucking life, i want to rip people's heads off.  i want to go vigilante and changed the fucking world!

but i cannot change the world.  i cannot eradicate the things i hate.  there are far too many who are not opposed and i'm the odd one out.  there are others like me but we are few and they are many.  when i think of this and having to face this shit for the rest of my life i feel like dying.  only then will i escape it.  only then will i be rid of the shitty feelings this shit gives me.  sometimes the feelings are so deep, so painful i want to take a knife to my chest and plunge it in and watch as the pain goes away.

if i thought my death would change the world i'd do it.  but i know when i'm dead it will still continue and become some other sods misery.  no body cares, not enough to do anything about it anyway.  i'm expected to just live with it and the feeling of utter hopelessness.

i get why people commit suicide.  sometimes life is so fucking shitty and unjust there is no other way out than dying.