She (let's refer to her as M) lived interstate so I had to stay with her for a month until the wedding was over. I packed up my stuff and flew over. The first night I was there I was so happy to be sharing this occasion with her and meeting her fiance. He was repairing the kitchen cupboard and she was telling him to leave it, she'd get her father to do it. The fiance saying he was more than capable and fixing it anyway. I remember sitting there wondering how long the peace would last.
It only took a week for the cracks to show. My friend hadn't said a positive thing for the first week I was there, she didn't ask about me or others and only ever talked about herself. She complained about ill health, her annoying work, how stressed she was, how no one was helping or doing anything with the wedding and leaving all the work to her. Regular bridal stresses. She also bagged and back stabbed everyone she knew. Her fiance's family, his sisters, her brothers and sister in laws, her fiances friends (she didn't bag her own friends because she didn't have any). I wondered how long she would go on like this, fearing that it was who she was and not just related to the stress of the wedding.
My first morning there her and fiance had left for work. Looking for a morning coffee I found her coffee jar so old it was fury and coffee set like concrete. I went up the street and purchased a fresh jar. I also did the morning dishes and cleaned the baking dish she'd cooked our dinner in the previous night. Cleaned it to the point of looking brand new. Why am I mentioning these trivial matters? Because she wasn't happy with me doing these things. When she returned from work and saw the new coffee and spotlessly clean dish she told me I was to make myself and home and not to do anything. If I needed anything like fresh coffee I should ask her and she'll bring some home for me. My response was to say I don't mind, it was only a couple of dollars.
After one week I took a break from helping with the wedding to go down south and stay with my bestie while I got my teeth cleaned and got a facial for the wedding. I also visited my dad; I hadn't seen him in years. 9/11 happened this week and I was so thankful to be with my bestie at the time so we could comfort each other. I knew M would be no comfort to me. In fact she never even mentioned 9/11. Too absorbed in herself. M called me while I was at my bestie's to ask me if she was the reason I'd gone away, also saying she hoped I hadn't said bad things about her to my dad that would make him not show up to her wedding. I noted to myself it was interesting that she thought I was bagging her to my dad, the way she bagged others. Of course I'd brought her up with my bestie however I'd been nice about her, saying that in spite of her negativity she was a nice person. Later on my bestie told me I always have the ability to see the good in people even when they don't deserve it.
Before leaving to spend the week with my bestie I'd spoken to M about her negative talk. Telling her she had such a blessed life, so much to be thankful for and she should concentrate on that. As her matron of honour it was my job to make sure she made it through the wedding, having a great and fun experience. She just about broke down saying "I won't say anything at all then" meaning if she couldn't be negative around me she may as well not talk since I obviously don't like hearing it. Playing the hard done by victim. I left her a really warm letter before heading off saying how honoured I was to be part of her wedding and how I would do my best to make it a great experience for her and help in anyway possible. When I got back after a week with my bestie I found a long letter on the bed waiting for me saying
... she, M, has done so much for me and all I have done is take her for granted and not appreciated her and her efforts. She's opened her doors to me and it's not easy having me stay there especially since I wasn't helping around the house. She told me to make myself at home but that didn't mean not keeping my room tidy. It's been stressful having me stay however she's willing to deal with it and get through this wedding, the least I could do is be gracious and give instead of take...
From the moment I arrived I had been doing the dishes daily, wiping down the kitchen, dinning table, straightening everything up, so the house would be perfect when she gets home. Every day! And sometimes I made dinner so it would be ready when she and her fiance walked in the door. Regardless of her claiming I was being untidy, especially when it came to the room I was staying in, I knew I was being very neat. For starters I was living out of a suitcase which was stressful enough. All my clothes were kept neatly folded in my suitcase, never left about the room. I made the bed every morning and every morning she came in and remade the bed because I hadn't done a good enough job according to her. She kept taking my teddies off the bed and leaving them on the floor and removed the plastic bag I was using as my private bin. I had no privacy and her statement to make myself at home was total bollocks.
I had been going shopping several times during the week to replace food items I was eating and gave her money for bills, even though she insisted I not pay board or buy food because I was a guest in her house.
When I read the letter I wanted to leave right there and then but I had no where to go. I phoned my brother and asked him for advice, reading the letter to him. If I stayed at my bestie's way down south I would have to travel hours by public transport to help with the wedding and I would hardly be there for M, which was her biggest complaint about everyone else. I didn't know what to do and felt trapped. I had to stay at M's and help out because I was matron of honour. A part of me wanted to quit and tell her to shove it up her arse... and be gone when she came home but that would be letting her down.
So I stayed.
To be continued...
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