I feel this way when you ...

conversation goes as follows:

i feel neglected when you invite me along to a gathering, insist that i come along, get upset if i don't, only to leave me for dust upon arrival.  i need you to remember i'm there or let me choose to not come.  [by choose i mean accept i'm not coming and don't argue the reasons i should come, and don't try to badger me into coming]

there's a fair bit of push and shove that goes on at this point.  him defending his actions.  me trying to reason my view.  it goes back and forth for a while.

there is either an impasse or a sorry that comes afterward and a promise not to do it next time.  at which stage i start insisting on not having [being forced] to attend the events [they're clearly not for or about me - my enjoyment is not relevant].  at which stage he'll accuse me of not trying to mingle and i'm like, yeah i know, i don't like mingling / being left on my own.  you want me there .. do more with me. blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda

each time i insist on not going, though maybe once a year i get swayed into going, only to groundhog day the whole thing over and over again.  wondering why i haven't kicked myself in the head yet.  wondering why he can't accept this is what happens and accept that i don't enjoy myself and don't want to do it.

why why why .. delilah ???

it's exasperating.  how do you reason with someone like that?

happy australia day

... how safe was it really?

people are calling australia day invasion day yet it was not an invasion. the people coming here were not coming to deliberately wipe out a nation. they were not coming to invade, divide and conquer.

unlike vikings who had deliberately gone to britain to rape and plunder. explorers had no idea people were on this land and by the time they got here (after months at sea) it was a bit late to turn back.

and why would they? they arrived saw it was a nice place and decided to stay.

it is unfortunate that the history of this exploration day turned into a bloody, racist mess that continues to this day, however we need to be real about history.

aboriginals were fierce warriors well trained in mortal combat. they killed and fought each other long before white man came along. they did what native americans (and the rest of the world) has done for time immortal. move into a place for the resources, and kill those who resist, amalgamate those who are left. it's not some 'new' thing white man invented and brought along to australia .. it was here long before white men got here. aboriginals of gippsland didn't fear the warruguls (wild dogs) because they were peace loving beings. they feared them because they were fierce warriors who killed other aboriginals.

aboriginals (and native americans) were not these idealistic beings we make them out to be .. living in harmony with their land. they wiped out entire species long before white man came along. they turned forests into desserts from overusing resources. they raped, murdered and pillaged just the same as all humanities.

hypocrisy at its best

and whilst white man won the battle due to superior weapons, aboriginals harmed white families also. white men were afraid of aboriginals because they were so fierce and were killing them, their families and livestock. it wasn't a white superiority thing where invaders moved in and shot up the place upon arrival. aboriginals fought the new comers and white men fought back. both sides fighting for their lives and livelyhoods* (but no intentionally).

it was a horrible, tragic, bloody war between two nations .. and the explorers won (just like the spanish vs aztecs, romans vs britains). all that's left to do it amalgamate and learn to get along.

eckhart tolle would say that holding onto the past causes pain no longer relevant (or happening) in the here and now. exploration day happened 200 years ago. none of us alive today experienced that bloody war. however we're still treating each other as the enemy (just like north and south ireland with their crazy battle that continued for hundreds of years).

by arguing over 'australia vs invasion day' we're holding onto the past as though it still defines us, and invasion day does not define who we are as a nation (in fact the statement is false altogether). i am not an invader .. nor are you! we are just a bunch of aussie's living in a country we love and enjoy.

we can't move on until we let the past go (and perhaps this mindset [holding onto the past] is what's holding firsts nations back?). it would be like jewish people continually harassing germans for genocide of their people some 70+ years ago. how can you get along if you still hold onto that?

sure there are still serious issues to address such as the amount of aboriginal men being locked up (just like african amercians in the u.s.), removing aboriginal children from their homes etc. however this has nothing to do with 'invasion day' and more to do with underlying issues within aboriginal communities (such as poverty and lack of education) that we need to address.

time to stop arguing over semantics and dates (which has changed already a number of times), stop letting the past define us and get on with fixing issues that are happening in the here and now!

in the meantime let's celebrate how lucky we are to be able to live in this amazing country called australia .. that belongs to none and is enjoyed by all.

hence australia day, a celebration of living in the lucky country.

*i am in no means down playing the tragedy that befell aboriginals, they killed some new comers (men, women and children), the new comers decimated whole families an villages, wiping out entire tribes in some cases. it's a horrible history and an uneven war. and who knows how it could have played out if things had gone some other way ..

electronics

everything we do is a fake

we go on our dates with our phones

we watch tv together miles apart

we have sex without intimacy

we don't have conversations

face to face

eye to eye

we hide  behind things .. electronics

never having to connect

connected

yet fully disconnected ..

if i ran the world

sex ed in schools would be less about penis in vagina, guy cums, girl gets pregnant. and more about the many ways guys and girls can please each other, and the love, attraction and feelings that come with sex.

empathy and ethics would be a compulsory part of education from kindergarten to uni, keep it going so people well and truly get it by the time they're adults.

it would be compulsory to reduce the amount of sugar and bad foods we have access to.

have a minimum wage for everyone and a cap on all wages so no one person could be ridiculously rich at the expense (literally) of others.

make it that the money that would have lined the pockets of the rich goes towards making the lives better for their fellow country men.

help farmers produce natural non gmo foods.

our country produced our food and that it only produced enough, not over production for the purpose of greed and profit.

gmo would be banned.

factory farming would be banned.

pesticides would be banned. let us eat natural foods, seasonal foods. have places even where people can pick and pay for their own.

make it that people have to choose their own animal to be slaughtered (by them) and take home to eat.

make mental health care a priority for those who have suffered trauma and suffer from illnesses.

parental classes and marriage classes would be mandatory during formative high school years.

teachers would be trained to better deal with a different array of children. make it harder and more elite to become a teacher so that they're specialty trained.

keep medicare the same and use the money that rich men would be earning above their salary cap to keep the system healthy.

allow euthanasia. we put pets down when there is no hope for them. people are no less worthy of the same respect.

foods that we know are bad for us would be limited or banned -  to help cull obesity which only exists because of greed.

addiction would not be a criminal offense, it's a health issue and should be treated as such.

gay marriage would be legal. give all people equal rights.

the use of female sexuality to sell items unrelated to sexuality would be banned. sexualised sexism would be against the law because women are people not commodities.

eloise monaghan is nothing but a pimp

she uses female sexploitation to make her millions and calls it 'empowerment'.  the only ones empowered are the people making money from the sale of sexualised female bodies ie. eloise monaghan.  and this makes her a pimp, selling out her sisters for her own personal gain (40million gains).  it's bad when men do it and 100 times worse when women do it to other women.

it is not the female porn stars who are empowered by pornography (filmed prostituion / porna = prostitute, graphy = documentation) - it is the pimps and creeps who make the porn.

it is not the females who work in strip clubs who are empowered - it is the person who owns the venues making all the money.

it is not the women who appear in mens mags who are empowered - it is the men who sell the magazines (ie. hugh hefner and how rich he became when very few of his models ever became as rich and powerful as him).

it is not the prostitutes who are empowered - it is the johns who get to have their way with them and the pimps who profit from dis-empowered women (females/girls).

remember that the females caught up in the sex are there because they ran out of money and options.  that is NOT empowerment!

a man inventing the bikini and females embracing them is not empowering for women - it is the companies who profit from the sale of skimpy swimwear who are in power.

a man inventing high heels for women is not empowering for women - they are seriously bad for our feet and our backs.  it is the companies who profit from the sale of this patriarchal concept who are in power.

sure women love bikinis and high heels, we see them as freeing and sexy.  but think for a moment.  if women had ruled the world would be have created such things for ourselves?  why embrace these concepts invented by men to pornify us?  why?

a great way to know if it's empowering is to see who's lining up to do it.  are men lining up to appear in the pornified images eloise uses - as those who are undressed?  is elose herself lining up to appear in these images?  is donald trump?  are men clamoring to be seen in bikinis?  are men clamoring to wear high heels?

chances are if eloise appeared in her company images she'd lose credibility among her male colleagues.  why?  not because they would be threatened by her empowerment but because they know and see it for what it really is; dis-empowerment.

many women who work in the sex industry refer to their work as empowering.  had a convo with a lady from a strip club who said she liked having control over men.  needing to control others for your own power is not empowerment.  it is more proof you never had any power to begin with.  and being sexualised is not empowerment, otherwise women would rule the world!!!!

being sexualised is merely a form of sexism.  that is all and nothing more.  as soon as women see this for what it really is the sooner we can put a stop to it and find our own true form of sexual liberation.  one that didn't come from men telling us what our own sexual liberation should look like (funny how it looks like serving them ..)

imagine .. true sexual liberation where we are completely free to be our true sexual selves without being sexualised for the profit and gain of others.

is hip hop the worst music ever?

i can't stand african american music. as soon as i hear any hip hop song i assume it's all sexist bullshit and not worth my listening.

yes .. i have labelled all african american music, singers, artists (if you can call them that) sexist.

yes .. as soon as i hear an african american man singing i assume his song is sexist.

this is because majority of the time it is .. and the video clips! gag! worst thing ever!!

women are referred to as: pussy, bitch, whore (ho), sit on this, suck on that .. blah blah blah - sorry stopped listening because all you're singing about is shit!

all the songs are about him having cash, pussy, cars, drugs ..

well sorry dude but the one thing you don't have is equality so tell me again how your sex, drugs and cash make you awesome?

any man who's going to cash up himself at the expense of female sexuality is a loser in my book. that is not real success. it's more down trodden bullshit while he pretends he's all that.

supposedly white folk are instrumental in this portrayal of women. they love to go to concerts and buy the music and watch the pornified video clips. guess white privlage pays for the mistreatment and disrespect of coloured women ..

and black men are right up there beside the white men letting it happen and profiting off the misfortune of their female brethren. as for where women of colour sit in all this .. i don't know? do they like it? does it please them? are they happy about their lot? do they think it's sexual freedom and equality? are they buying into the sexist bullshit too?

p.s. i know there are other genres of music that also profit from sexualising women. don't like any music that does that.

we are mere ants, following all the other ants in their bullshit way of living

train story - creepy dude picking up chicks

just nights after eurydice dixon was raped and murdered i was talking with my beau about it. i made three comments to which he replied "you need to get a job". meaning i was talking about it too much and needed to get a job to have something else to do / talk about.

i was fuming.

1. it's a very insulting thing to say to someone and belittles and invalidates my concerns.
2. the fear is real!
3. i was going out that night and there's always the concern that i could be the one getting raped and murdered

coming home that night on the train at 3.30am there were about a dozen people on the carriage. thankfully i was not intoxicated and had my wits about me. 

i had been sitting on a two seater with my legs across the spare seat playing games on my phone. after a while i changed positions, crossing my legs and leaning towards the large window to my right. no sooner had I moved a man got up from across the carriage and came and sat beside me. not just beside me, practically on my lap!

i continued to play games on my phone, keeping my legs crossed and arms across my body. self protection.

he started talking to me asking questions: where i was going, where i had been .. 
he was jeeva, 32, from pakistan, average looking, drab clothing, been in australia for 8 years, single, no kids, finished work at 6pm, had been playing the pokies and was heading home. he was, he said, getting off several stops before mine but when his station came he did not get off.

he was not threatening or menacing and i didn't feel fear, though i did feel annoyance since trains are not the place to try and pick up women, and also because he was sitting too close to me. i was more concerned he would try to touch me and at one point he reached out to touch my leg and i pushed his hand away.

he asked me a couple of times if he could see me again and i said no, not going to happen .. all the while playing games on my phone, doing my best to not engage - lest he get the wrong impression. but also trying not to piss him off in case he became aggressive.

others around me said and did nothing, except for a young woman behind me who had the decency to ask me if i was ok or needed any help. i graciously thanked her for her intervention and concern. 

jeeva stopped talking to me but didn't move seats.

i asked the man in the seat in front of mine, who was falling asleep, what his stop was so i could wake him so he wouldn't miss it. turns out he (and the kind woman behind me) were thankfully getting off at my stop. phew!

as we departed the train the man who had been sitting in front of me said, 'i see you've made a friend' in a wry tone, i replied 'something like that' equally wry.

i got off and made sure to watch as jeeva remained on the train. then i walked out onto the street, phoned a taxi and had to wait 10mins until it arrived. shivering, teeth chattering.

back home i told my beau all about it and told him he's lucky. as a man ain't no woman gonna sit upon his lap (practically) and try to pick him up. he doesn't have to fear her getting off at the same stop as him and raping and / or murdering him.

he apologised for his words earlier acknowledging that the fear is real!