her side of the story:
they became friends at work, he seemed ok even though he was into things that made her wonder about him. porn, gonzo porn, said the girls wanna be there and he's not wrong for liking it even if a girl is being hurt. she's wondering if he can still be a decent person if he's into that, or not?
they talked about their relationships. her's was with a manipulative liar who constantly tried to convince her, her forebodings were all in her head. his last relationship had been a while ago. when she spoke of her relationship he was supportive and sympathetic, saying the guy wasn't decent and she could do better.
the thing they talked about most was their views on friendships between males and females. she was saying how she felt (towards him), for e.g. she said it bothered her that females couldn't be friends with males without them expecting it to lead to sex. why couldn't they just genuinely be friends? why must there be conditions. he agreed on all points, saying what she wanted to hear. (she did not know this at the time).
one night there is a work party. she has just split up with her bf and although she understands it's a good move she is yet to come to terms with her new life emotionally. at the party she drinks a little too much, drowning out her sorrows. she thinks she's safe, among friends.
she cries on the shoulders of a few friends that night, including his. after talking for a while he suggests she come back to his place so he can be a shoulder for her lean on. she accepts. at the end of the night they leave together.
back at his place he sits on one chair, she sits on another. he tries a number of different ways to get her to come over to him. eventually bringing her to sit on his knee. she moves away from his advances several times because she feels they're crossing the friendship boundaries, and she's not ready for anything after just spitting up with her bf. she thought he understood this.
the night goes on and he eventually, subtly, physically persuades her to be intimate with him. she can retrace the steps in her mind but still wonders how it happened, how she couldn't get him to notice her rejections. not wanting to be all out rude and say 'i don't want to have sex with you, she worried he'd reject her as a friend. thinking her saying no would ruin their friendship and she still thought he meant the things he'd said and was a decent guy.
so when she found herself in a position of powerlessness, unable to say no, the alcohol reducing her strength and resolve, regretting having gone back to his house, kicking herself for not realising this was his intention all along, she let things happen. though nothing as drastic as intercourse because thankfully she had her period, a reason to say no, even though he kept trying to persuade her to have sex with him anyway, but she wasn't into that.
still he put the moves on and, at one point when she began passing out from tiredness, he woke her by grabbing her hand and shoving it onto his man-thing. wanting her to at least finish him off if she wasn't going to put out.
they met at a park a day or so later after and he kept trying to hug and kiss her while she kept pulling away, telling him she only wants to be friends and hopes the other night doesn't ruin their friendship. over the course of a few days he starts being quite in-her-face. doing things like pulling her into him for a hug, grabbing her as she passes him, wanting to visit her place or have her visit him. as memories of the other night came back to her, along with his actions since, she begins to realise he's trying to force the situation and acting entitled because it's not falling into place.
she eventually talks to him about his actions on the night, telling him how she feels about him having crossed the friendship line and feeling that he's deliberately ignoring her rejections even though she's being clear about not wanting him in that way. at work he begins to make snide remarks to others as well as being outright antagonistic with her. saying disparaging things about girls in the sex industry and how they're asking for it. she begins to see another side of him and realises he was just playing the part of nice guy.
when he eventually hears here version of that night, that he took advantage of her after her breakup with her bf, played upon her drunken state and ignored her protestations, he is taken aback. he fell into victim role telling others that she was accusing him of being sexual predator and how she was threatening to call the police on him. she wonders how the story got so convoluted while thinking 'but you are a sexual predator, you just don't see it. you pray upon vulnerable girls and have no issue with it, even after they tell you how the situation made them feel'.
are you a sexual predator?
