judgmental

yes or no? i've been accused of being judgmental, that is: the act of assuming something about a person based on something about them. i'm not really judgmental, as in opinions aren't set in stone, i don't force my opinions one others - only explore them, and i don't dislike a person upfront. i'm willing, and most often do, give people the benefit of the doubt.

i don't judge others against gay marriage however i do believe it's an acceptable thing we need to fully explore. i don't judge others who are overweight though i do think this is something we need to fully explore. i don't judge others for taking their clothes off although i do thinks this is something we need to fully explore. i don't judge religion, gender, race, societal standing, looks ..

when i say there is an issue with objectifying women i don't mean that men who enjoy a look-see are a bunch of brainless douches who need to have their penises chopped off. when i say rihanna and the like are playing with fire i don't mean that females who do that are lower than or less than.

it might surprise people to know the underlining processes behind my views.
firstly, we're told it's necessary and needed and a normal part of being human (men need it, women want to be it). that it is understandable and perfectly ok [to objectify women]

• if a female is coerced, forced, drugged, verbally persuaded, has money held over her head, held against her wishes, is not making an open, free choice
• if a female is raped, hurt, tortured, permanently mentally or pshycally damaged
• if a female is verbally abused, demeaned, put down, called names

i'm yet to understand how that is perfectly ok ??

• if a man knowingly enters the situation knowing any of the above to be the case - how is that perfectly normal?
• if a man knowingly watches when the above is the case - how is that perfectly normal?
• if a man knows this shit is happening and doesn't give a shit - how is that perfectly normal?
• if a man knows this shit is happening and thinks it should because women are pieces of shit to be used and abused - how is that perfectly ok?
• if a man profits off the above happening - how is that perfectly normal?
• if a man knows this shit is happening and stands back and does nothing, while claiming to be one of the good guys - how is that perfectly normal?

unless you're telling others to respect their toys / entertainment [how some men see women] / or lose them, why are you in it and ok with that?

it's not good enough just to say women have the right to work in the industry therefore men have the right to accept their offerings .. while awful things are happening within the industry and you've got your head in the sand. how is that perfectly normal?
how is it that someone is being judgmental when their view is based on a person's welfare? are you watching women in the industry because you're looking out for their welfare?

i'm not saying you're an asshole for wanting to see raunchy, seductive, sensual, naked women .. yet i have a hard time with a person who engages in something that ultimately hurts women somewhere in the world - no matter what .. saying their actions are perfectly normal because women have a right to be there.

rihanna you doink

just hurry up an make a porn movie already. it's obvious you want to. we see you writhing around like a strip show in your video kiss it better. so just get it over with already. become that porn star you've always wanted to be with your sex in the air and your whips and chains. just keep it adult only instead of putting it out there in video clips that young people see and hear.

pro sex work

i never use to be anti porn / prostitution / strippers when i was young. back then i was only concerned with how unequal the 'sex sells' motto was. how unnecessary and unequal the scene was in the movie devils advocate where the woman walks completely naked towards the camera. the same with the denzel movie flight. this crap happens all the time and i always new it was unfair and a lie that sex sells only to men because they're more visual.

i was concerned with how hypocritical it is for people to harp on about how offensive it is for women to breast feed in public while accepting the use of a nude photo of a pregnant woman, breasts and all, in the local newspaper to promote an upcoming genetic conference. when i complained to the aba about this they rejected my concerns saying they didn't find the picture offensive.

lack of equality in media

i use to be pro sex work and sex industry way back when i was young and naive and didn't know what i know now. i'd glimpsed porn at a friend's house coz her bf was into in and found the story lines ridiculous, the men vulgar and brutish and the whole thing made me feel creepy, like i was some peeping tom. let's face it, if i walked in on a friend and her bf having sex i wouldn't stand around watching. i'd be invading their privacy. watching porn feels the same way to me. so while i wasn't against it porn wasn't something i liked.

i use to think it was a choice women made much like choosing to work at mcdonalds for low wages. some job you did, like check out chick or waitressing, while waiting to get the job you really want.

i use to think it was pro choice to work in the sex industry (because that's what i was told). that is was more widely acceptable now days, less ostracised, less looked down upon, and some part of women being allowed to show and own their sexuality.

i use to also believe men wanted the sexy women they see on tv, in magazines, in the media, in porn. that this was their ideal woman and they would be proud and respectful to have a gf like that. i use to believe i needed to be that sexy woman in order to appeal to the opposite sex.

then i grew up and went out into the real world, did studies, interviews, first hand accounts, read other people's work on the subject and realised the sex industry is far more sick than it appears.

when i learned of things like gonzo porn and girls having prolapsed anuses due to brutal anal sex on camera and people keenly desiring to view that shit, when i learned of awful things like the harlem struggle and making a girl gag and vomit while giving head, when i learned that strippers were frequently belittled, mocked, insulted, sexually harassed and groped, when i realised how unsafe the sex industry (prostitution) is, how lucrative it isn't (so that those in the industry have very little means to escape), how brutal it is because toads want the women to perform gonzo acts, and ALL this leads to an increased demand in sex trafficking .. i changed my view completely on the sex industry as a whole.

none of these things empower women. none of these things better our world, give us more equal opportunity to become ceo's or president or astronauts, none of this betters us as individuals because females have embraced their sexuality (it's a lie), and none of this teaches our daughters to strive for better, to like themselves and view themselves as more than mere sex objects for men to own and consume.

what i did learn is that sexual objectification of women in the media leads to an increase in females sexualising themselves coz they think this is what it is to be female, which leads to men wanting more, demanding more and consuming more and more women sexually. it's a vicious cycle we need to end and we need to end it by
1) females not buying into the sexy lie
2) men not purchasing females for sex

withholding sex is power play

some women (and men) withhold sex as a power play. do this thing i want you to do and i'll give you sex. i'm sure those kind of creeps are out there.

then you have the other side of the coin. those who are not having sex because of very valid and sometimes serious reasons. i.e. insecurities so deep compliments and flirting can't heal them, physically and emotional pain or trauma, the sex hurts and is therefore unwanted.

lack of trust is an issue. maybe he promised he'd let you sodomize him if you let him sodomize you, then reneged. maybe he promised to bring you to climax just because he wanted to please you only to turn around and pester you into giving him pleasure too because you turned him on and now owe him. maybe she promised to go down on you if you went down on her, then reneged. either way if that trust is broken damage is done.

but one of the main reasons women (and men) stop having sex is because they don't like it and aren't getting anything out of it. like with men who think sex is about sticking their penis in the vagina, humping away until they orgasm then hopping off and leaving the woman hanging. or when sex is the same old dull boring routine it's always been and they can't stand the idea of having to go through that another day.

sometimes the sex is so shit they'd rather go without.

if you're a red hot lover but an asshole outside of the bedroom, put-downs, insults, nagging, fault finding, abusing, lying, cheating, manipulating .. this also contributes to your partner losing interest (withholding) sex. no one has desires to sleep with someone who treats them like shit (either during or outside of sex).

just think about that next time you're thinking your partner is withholding out of a punishment or a play for power. if the sex (and the relationship) is good, passionate, lustful, exciting, interesting, mutually satisfying, pleasurable, then they're going to want more.

adam goodes is right, australians are racist

adam goodes has been thrown under the bus recently because he dared to speak up about australia's underlying racism towards our aboriginal brethren.

suddenly everyone is up in arms because how dare he make such a disrespect comment during his australian of the year speech.

thing is adam is correct. it may not be all of us or even many of us however australia's are racist and do pass that racism down through the generations and onto people they know.

recently while camping we met a couple with two chilren. they seemed nice enough. then some aboriginals came to the camp site and the man starts telling us how he has to hide his stuff because they'll steal it. like white men don't steal!

his comments made me angry and i told him he was stereotyping and that a great many are good and decent people. even game him some examples of great work they're doing in their communities. he disagreed with me, telling me 'most' are not good. thing is he was saying this in front of his young children. they're hearing him talk badly about aboriginals which is how this bigotry and hated is passed onto the next generation.

truth is most people who piss and moan about aboriginals have never met any, don't know any, have certainly not been friends with any. (same as most other cultures and races they hate).

i hate how we're passing these bullshit opinions on to others and onto the next generations. and adam goodes does as well, and he has a right to feel that way because it's true. australians are spreading these ignorant malicious stories about our kinsmen. it's time to let the bullshit go.

1) they choose to be there (in porn)

that's like saying children choose to be alter boys or choir girls. they choose to be quiet about abuse. because they go back to their roles and the abuse continues, they choose to be there.

that's like saying people who work in sweet shops choose to be there enduring those dodgy conditions for crappy pay.

that's like saying abused spouses choose to be there.

that's like saying people caught in dead end shit jobs with arsehole bosses choose to be there.

there are many situations in life where we 'choose' to be where we are but we're not choosing the abuse and the terrible and horrific things being done to us.

majority of girls who go into the sex work scene have no idea what they're getting into and the things they'll be subjected to. add to that the amount of call girls who end up in videos and pics when that's not what they signed up for; and those who are trafficked and forced into sex work; and those children who are forced into child abuse. certainly a vast many are not choosing to be there.

yet all those who watch, participate and force choose to do so.

2) all men like to view teens, it's normal. really? all men? or only those who don't have a strong moral compass? and even if it's 'normal' man's behavior, not all men like to view teens having sex, let alone hard core, up close, in your face sex. that is NOT normal, standard or necessary.

take into consideration teenage girls are young and carefree and look young and carefree. not a wrinkle to be seen, too young to have old shit come into their world. and they should be unaffected by life. they don't need some old fucker affected by life coming into their world and affecting them. infecting them with their shitty values and lack of morals, their fake needs to watch teens be fucked because it's 'normal'!

all those who watch, participate and force, need to go away and keep their shitty lives to themselves. all those who make porn, esp gonzo, should be gonzo'd first. do unto others and all that ..

3) porn is normal coz cave men paintings prove it's been our nature for eternity. based on that one can't help but wonder why those cave paintings don't depict young teens (coz that's normal) being fucked by three different men (coz according to some porn is our nature).

too many myths, too many lies, all told to pretend normal and nature are as we've been lead to believe. if it is normal and nature then why don't all men watch, participate and force.

everyday sexual harassment

statistics show one in five women are sexually harassed while at university (in the states). when these findings were shown to the public scores of men denied the stats saying the figures are wrong. why are guys so intent on arguing these figures. what's in it for them to suggest these figures are wrong?

i'm surprised it's one in five since many women i speak to have been harassed in some way or another.

i have been sexually harassed numerous times in my short life so far.

the first was when i was 15, walking along the beach with a boy. some older boys walked towards me, one pretended to fall and grabbed my breasts. i pushed him and he staggered backwards, almost falling over, but he and his friend just laughed trolling for their next victim.

the next time i was 17 and had gone dancing with a lady i babysat for. they got me drunk and her boyfriend had sex with me while i was inebriated on her bed while she watched.

another time i was left alone with a mate of my then boyfriend. my boyfriend leaves to go score (mary for himself) while this friend and i wait for him to return. while he's gone the friend pins me down on the couch and tries to fondle me. i struggle and refuse his advances. get up and leave. my boyfriend dumped me when he found out because he recons it was cheating.

another time i was trying to sleep when one of the guys i knew kept trying to sneak into my room and molest me while i slept.

another time i went to a cocktail party at a guy i'd been dating's house. just a few male and female friends. nothing too risky. so i thought! i wake up and the friend of my bf was on me having sex with me.

another time was with a seedy guy i worked with who'd say inappropriate sexual things to me such as: asking me if my labia minora hung lower than my labia majora, could i wear miniskirts to work, i can see your panty line, and showing me pornography. i ended up reporting him and he backed off but was not fired.

another time i was at a night club when three guys singled me out and tried to attack me in a dark corner of the club. lucky for me i was able to fight them off and hurt one guy which made them all panic run.

i've had men surround me at a pool hall trying to intimidate me and even had a guy pore his beer over me, at another club, because i wasn't showing interest in him.

all of these incidents involve males who believe they're entitled to 'have' what they want regardless of the fact that the female isn't interested. they've all taken without asking and they've taken even when protests were being made.

what makes a guy (or in this case many guys) feel that way, act that way, believe it's ok to be that way and to treat a female that way? why? and why are all these other guys trying to deny sexual harassment happens at a concerning rate? what's with males not supporting and protecting females, calling the toads out and showing them this type of treatment is not ok?