withholding sex is power play

some women (and men) withhold sex as a power play. do this thing i want you to do and i'll give you sex. i'm sure those kind of creeps are out there.

then you have the other side of the coin. those who are not having sex because of very valid and sometimes serious reasons. i.e. insecurities so deep compliments and flirting can't heal them, physically and emotional pain or trauma, the sex hurts and is therefore unwanted.

lack of trust is an issue. maybe he promised he'd let you sodomize him if you let him sodomize you, then reneged. maybe he promised to bring you to climax just because he wanted to please you only to turn around and pester you into giving him pleasure too because you turned him on and now owe him. maybe she promised to go down on you if you went down on her, then reneged. either way if that trust is broken damage is done.

but one of the main reasons women (and men) stop having sex is because they don't like it and aren't getting anything out of it. like with men who think sex is about sticking their penis in the vagina, humping away until they orgasm then hopping off and leaving the woman hanging. or when sex is the same old dull boring routine it's always been and they can't stand the idea of having to go through that another day.

sometimes the sex is so shit they'd rather go without.

if you're a red hot lover but an asshole outside of the bedroom, put-downs, insults, nagging, fault finding, abusing, lying, cheating, manipulating .. this also contributes to your partner losing interest (withholding) sex. no one has desires to sleep with someone who treats them like shit (either during or outside of sex).

just think about that next time you're thinking your partner is withholding out of a punishment or a play for power. if the sex (and the relationship) is good, passionate, lustful, exciting, interesting, mutually satisfying, pleasurable, then they're going to want more.

adam goodes is right, australians are racist

adam goodes has been thrown under the bus recently because he dared to speak up about australia's underlying racism towards our aboriginal brethren.

suddenly everyone is up in arms because how dare he make such a disrespect comment during his australian of the year speech.

thing is adam is correct. it may not be all of us or even many of us however australia's are racist and do pass that racism down through the generations and onto people they know.

recently while camping we met a couple with two chilren. they seemed nice enough. then some aboriginals came to the camp site and the man starts telling us how he has to hide his stuff because they'll steal it. like white men don't steal!

his comments made me angry and i told him he was stereotyping and that a great many are good and decent people. even game him some examples of great work they're doing in their communities. he disagreed with me, telling me 'most' are not good. thing is he was saying this in front of his young children. they're hearing him talk badly about aboriginals which is how this bigotry and hated is passed onto the next generation.

truth is most people who piss and moan about aboriginals have never met any, don't know any, have certainly not been friends with any. (same as most other cultures and races they hate).

i hate how we're passing these bullshit opinions on to others and onto the next generations. and adam goodes does as well, and he has a right to feel that way because it's true. australians are spreading these ignorant malicious stories about our kinsmen. it's time to let the bullshit go.

1) they choose to be there (in porn)

that's like saying children choose to be alter boys or choir girls. they choose to be quiet about abuse. because they go back to their roles and the abuse continues, they choose to be there.

that's like saying people who work in sweet shops choose to be there enduring those dodgy conditions for crappy pay.

that's like saying abused spouses choose to be there.

that's like saying people caught in dead end shit jobs with arsehole bosses choose to be there.

there are many situations in life where we 'choose' to be where we are but we're not choosing the abuse and the terrible and horrific things being done to us.

majority of girls who go into the sex work scene have no idea what they're getting into and the things they'll be subjected to. add to that the amount of call girls who end up in videos and pics when that's not what they signed up for; and those who are trafficked and forced into sex work; and those children who are forced into child abuse. certainly a vast many are not choosing to be there.

yet all those who watch, participate and force choose to do so.

2) all men like to view teens, it's normal. really? all men? or only those who don't have a strong moral compass? and even if it's 'normal' man's behavior, not all men like to view teens having sex, let alone hard core, up close, in your face sex. that is NOT normal, standard or necessary.

take into consideration teenage girls are young and carefree and look young and carefree. not a wrinkle to be seen, too young to have old shit come into their world. and they should be unaffected by life. they don't need some old fucker affected by life coming into their world and affecting them. infecting them with their shitty values and lack of morals, their fake needs to watch teens be fucked because it's 'normal'!

all those who watch, participate and force, need to go away and keep their shitty lives to themselves. all those who make porn, esp gonzo, should be gonzo'd first. do unto others and all that ..

3) porn is normal coz cave men paintings prove it's been our nature for eternity. based on that one can't help but wonder why those cave paintings don't depict young teens (coz that's normal) being fucked by three different men (coz according to some porn is our nature).

too many myths, too many lies, all told to pretend normal and nature are as we've been lead to believe. if it is normal and nature then why don't all men watch, participate and force.

everyday sexual harassment

statistics show one in five women are sexually harassed while at university (in the states). when these findings were shown to the public scores of men denied the stats saying the figures are wrong. why are guys so intent on arguing these figures. what's in it for them to suggest these figures are wrong?

i'm surprised it's one in five since many women i speak to have been harassed in some way or another.

i have been sexually harassed numerous times in my short life so far.

the first was when i was 15, walking along the beach with a boy. some older boys walked towards me, one pretended to fall and grabbed my breasts. i pushed him and he staggered backwards, almost falling over, but he and his friend just laughed trolling for their next victim.

the next time i was 17 and had gone dancing with a lady i babysat for. they got me drunk and her boyfriend had sex with me while i was inebriated on her bed while she watched.

another time i was left alone with a mate of my then boyfriend. my boyfriend leaves to go score (mary for himself) while this friend and i wait for him to return. while he's gone the friend pins me down on the couch and tries to fondle me. i struggle and refuse his advances. get up and leave. my boyfriend dumped me when he found out because he recons it was cheating.

another time i was trying to sleep when one of the guys i knew kept trying to sneak into my room and molest me while i slept.

another time i went to a cocktail party at a guy i'd been dating's house. just a few male and female friends. nothing too risky. so i thought! i wake up and the friend of my bf was on me having sex with me.

another time was with a seedy guy i worked with who'd say inappropriate sexual things to me such as: asking me if my labia minora hung lower than my labia majora, could i wear miniskirts to work, i can see your panty line, and showing me pornography. i ended up reporting him and he backed off but was not fired.

another time i was at a night club when three guys singled me out and tried to attack me in a dark corner of the club. lucky for me i was able to fight them off and hurt one guy which made them all panic run.

i've had men surround me at a pool hall trying to intimidate me and even had a guy pore his beer over me, at another club, because i wasn't showing interest in him.

all of these incidents involve males who believe they're entitled to 'have' what they want regardless of the fact that the female isn't interested. they've all taken without asking and they've taken even when protests were being made.

what makes a guy (or in this case many guys) feel that way, act that way, believe it's ok to be that way and to treat a female that way? why? and why are all these other guys trying to deny sexual harassment happens at a concerning rate? what's with males not supporting and protecting females, calling the toads out and showing them this type of treatment is not ok?

are you a sell out?

there are 3 types of people

those who are ignorant of the fact that sexualisation of women exists (usually these people are young and naive)

those who know it exists and are ignorant of the fact that sexualisation of women hurts our society

and those who know sexualisation exists and hurts our society

if you are the middle or latter and you still buy into the sexual objectification of women then you are a sellout 

mina

mina was a chinese lady I worked with, in an office, for around 6 months. we hit it off and spent our breaks together talking. she wasn't like the other ladies in the office who gossiped and spent most of their day talking instead of getting work done. when i left we kept in contact via email for 2 years.

we planned a weekend away together in the country talking about how we'd drive up sat morning, what food we'd bring, how we'd sip wine at night time and do yoga together sunday morning. i picked her up from her house and we drove to the location together, talking happily and stopping to take photos of an echidna.

the accommodation was a lovely double story house with natural wood and corrugated iron cladding, set on a hill. we settled in, mina saying i could have the upstairs master bedroom because i put the weekend together. first we went for a walk around the property then settled down on the comfy sofas to talk and nibble on anti pesto.

the first odd thing to happen was mina suggesting i open a bottle of wine, only to tell me she didn't want any after i'd poured myself a glass. it was further odd because she'd been the one to suggest we bring alcohol and relax and drink together. further odd when later she pulled out her own bottle of alcohol wanting me to have a glass even though she wouldn't be having any.

we talked all day and all night, even went for a night time walk, and all was going fine. bed time came and we went to our rooms. she phoned her husband to talk, she'd been texting and phoning him every couple of hours since we'd left her house. even asked me why i wasn't calling my beau. i said it's my weekend away, i'll make the most of the break.

sleep was fitful because we had resident possums who ran and banged across the roof most of the night. i got up and made myself a cup of tea and nibbled and waited for mina to get up. she took ages to wake up so i went for a walk, then when i came back i began do the dishes as quietly as i could. 10mins later she comes upstairs and grumpily tells  me to stop doing the dishes because it had woken her up, adding that it's not our job to do them, we're meant to leave them for the owners. then she asks me what i was doing all night, all that banging and clanging, that kept her awake. i explain it was the possums and, i kid you not, she didn't believe me.

she went back down stairs, got dressed and left the house. i went downstairs and saw her outside doing yoga with out me thinking 'so much for us doing yoga together', but ignored it and tidied up the place. when she came back inside she was annoyed that i'd been tidying up (again she felt we should leave it for those who rent the place out). so she'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed because she'd had a bad sleep, fair enough.

later on we settled on the sofas to nibble on leftovers and talk. mina starts talking to me about my situation, at the time i wasn't working and my beau was, so she assumes he's paying for me to live. she asks me if i feel guilty living off his wealth. i explain the wealth is not his, we live in my house, i own my own car outright and still have money to live off while i look for work. then she asks me if i could be a kept woman, i.e. use my beauty and marry a rich man who takes care of me. i tell her it's not something i could do because i'm too independent and beauty fades. suddenly she snaps at me and says 'my friends beauty hasn't faded'. and i'm like, who said we were talking about your friend. weird!

when it comes time to pack up and get ready to leave, i write a note in the visitors book while mina tells me she refuses to write 'in those things'. when i look up from the book she's going through my valuables on the table, watch, camera etc. checking the brands. by now i'm thinking 'who is this woman?' you never really know someone until you live with them (even if only for a weekend).

the drive home is hard because we're both pretending not to feel annoyed with each other. back at her place she shows me to her art studio and her paintings (earlier that day i'd shown her pictures of my art work and she'd been negative about it, saying it's not so good). i see her artwork and compliment her on her use of colours and painting style. he art work was awful, but unlike her, i'd never insult a fellow artist.

i emailed her once after that weekend and got a cold short email back and that was that.

kendrick johnson so many unanswered questions

why did kendrick try to squeeze down a 14in diam rolled up gym mat to retrieve a shoe instead of moving the mats to get it

why did he try to retrieve that shoe when he had his own white nike shoes

why, if he was trying to retreive his shoe, were his own shoes stuffed part way down the rolled up mat like someone threw them in after him

how did his shoes (the ones thrown in after him) fall or come off

where did the blood come from if he had no signs of struggle or open wounds

why is there no blood on top of the shoe he was supposed fetching

where did the finger nail scratches on his hand come from

why did no one notice him missing during the day

why do the school cameras miss bits of footage and why don't they show kenrick near the corner where the gym mats were

why don't the cameras show the two boys (one in a white shirt and one in a red shirt) follow him in to the gym, like the hall camera shows

when he enters the gym there are no boys playing basket ball, but they're shown playing in later (edited) footage

why did no one see or hear his struggle as he supposedly fell into the gym mat and got stuck

kendrick johnson in gym mat opening larger than 14in

if he did get stuck in the gym mat surely his struggle would have been audible and his movements noticeable