where is everybody?

when people kill themselves you always hear other people saying, they shouldn't have done it, there is always somewhere for them to turn. it doesn't feel that way. i've been down for weeks. my friends know it. i've talked to them about it. my beau knows it. they don't do much to help and it feels like i can't ask them for help. when i ask something of them, like come for a visit, they pike out or say no. there are a couple who will come at the drop of a hat if i need. but i realised something today. i want fun, joy, happiness, laughter. there isn't much of that in my world lately. there hasn't been in ages. the people bring the laughter and if they're not around there is none. i do stuff by myself and can enjoy that. it's not laughter though. maybe contentment, but not laughter.