a sermon on sinners

i am the lord thy god
thou shalt have no other gods
no graven images or likenesses
not take the lord's name in vain
remember the sabbath day
honour thy father and thy mother
thou shalt not kill
thou shalt not commit adultery
thou shalt not steal
thou shalt not bear false witness
thou shalt not covet

the group of people who hung negros up in trees then went to church on sunday and shouted “halleluiah i believe in jesus christ the son of our holy father amen!”
the group of people who stoned a girl to death.  the lady who back stabs and gossips and tells
untruths about people.  the man who coverts another man’s wife and thinks he’s not cheating because she is a picture in a magazine or some chick in a video. the paedophile who claims to be ‘born that way’ and can’t help his impulses, or those sick men who go to thai child brothels, or invest money into an asian prostitute for as long as the money lasts.  the mother who bashes her children or dates some asshole that will do it for her while she does nothing.

they kid themselves that they’re not sinners, or they've repented for their sins so god will forgive them.  0r maybe they don’t believe in god and couldn't give a rat’s ass about what they do because there is no heaven or hell and no punishment that will make them stop.

we like to sit back in our cosy houses pointing the finger at the ‘bad sinners’ while in truth we are all
sinners.  get real and admit you’ve done at least one of those things.  for the most part we do nothing about the sinners which is a sin in itself or we believe we are not sinning - because we think the above is ok. we fight for nothing and go with the flow.  we do nothing but pray to our gods that it won’t happen or tell ourselves we’re going to heaven where the sinners won’t be and life will be perfect (while all the sinners suffer in hell). or maybe you go nowhere after death the all the crap is gone.

ridiculous foolishness and not good enough.  we as a collective people need to get up off our fat asses and be proactive in dealing with sin starting with ourselves.  even if you don’t believe in the 10 commandments because it’s for a religion that is not yours; not killing, not committing adultery, not stealing, not bearing false witness and not coveting makes sense.

random phone call

The guy on the phone said he was looking for someone else. He asked for such & such and I told him he's got the wrong number. He asked me which number he'd rang. I asked him what number he was after. He read out my number.
I knew the owners of the house. They had lived there for a long time and before them an old man. No one by the name of the person this guy was after had ever lived there.
He begins chatting with me saying he may as well make the most of a wrong number.
He phoned again a couple more times to chat talking about Steven King books and asking me about my interests. There was no personal discussion aside from discussing single status and what we look like. The guy was truthful enough saying he had a girth broader than his shoulders and he was older than me.
Then one day he suggests we meet, I agree, he picks a date and time. I bring a friend. As soon as I saw him I knew he was not my type. He was older and broader than I expected, short and had a particular unattractiveness to him. My friend and I sat with him and had a drink chatting. It came easy enough since we'd spoken so much over the phone.
It's time to go so he walks us to my car. As we get to my door he reaches in to give me a proper kiss. I turn my face so he'll kiss my cheek. He asks if we'll see each other again and I'm very direct and tell him no.

Thinking about it years later. How did he get my number? What if the call wasn't as random as he claimed? Strange things happened in that house. Middle of the night phone calls often. Rubbish going missing. Hearing someone walking around outside the house at night time.

I was so naive innocent and trusting back then.

train story .. God vs mums

On the train there was a man from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints telling the guy next to him how God is better than mum's. He told the man God teaches  us tolerance and is non-judgmental. The man sniffed vigorously and continuously the entire time.


Mum's teach us manners. God doesn't.

ants

ant

ever thought when we're gone we're gone forgotten no-one remembers our existence.

just another squashed ant

later bloomer or sinner

At 19 I was playing truth dare with two guys and my girl friend. One guy asks me if I've ever masturbated. No I hadn't. He says 75% of girls have the rest are lying. I tell him I honestly haven't.  He says he doesn't believe me. I wondered if 75% of girls really do?
At 23 I was dating this fitness guy J. He jogged and worked out and had a seriously descent body and a photo portfolio of himself. A cool easy going kind of guy. I don't recall him getting angry often and when he did it was nothing much.
Hot stuff and sexually frustrating in bed (seems to be the type I go for). He watched too much porn mags and all the rest. His sexual style was the same as porn movies. Change positions every few minutes. Just as I was getting into a position and it was feeling good he moved me into a different position. He took ages to climax and I never climaxed. The change of positions was too much and I couldn't focus.
Months into seeing him ... well let's just say if I had balls they'd be blue. I talked to him about it and nothing changed. I was having dreams of sex with other men and climaxing. Once I climaxed in my sleep and woke myself up. He comes over that night and I tell him I climaxed that morning. He's not miffed about somebody else making me climax in fact he doesn't even ask me about who did it though he assumed someone else had. Later in the bedroom he makes me climax. It was the ONLY time he did.
Some time later he's staying over and we're lying in bed together after having sex and him climaxing. I'm feeling so frustrated I'm going to pop so I decide in the moment I'm gonna do it.  When I think he's dozing off but not quiet asleep and I start touching myself.  Wondering if I'll really go to hell?  Wondering if God will strike me down with lightening. Trying to hide it, making small movements, trying to be quiet.  I finish myself off and feel that instant relief and gratification.  That was the first time I touched myself.
By other standards I probably started late, for others I shouldn't have started at all. It took me a long time to get that Christian voice and upbringing out of my head. It took me a long time to feel like I wasn't doing anything wrong or bad.

running through the forest

  Just before waking the dream became vivid.  Trees rushing past, branches whipping my face and body.  Running through a forest chasing a man with long hair in a loin cloth.  Though I could not see his face I knew it was Cote – the way you instinctively know in dreams.  He jumped with ease over fallen logs, while my running was more laboured and awkward.  Still I was gaining on him.  I could see his back muscles rippling as I got closer and I could hear his breath as though he was breathing in my ears.  The sound of him overriding my own strained breathing.  He did not sound strained.  His breathing was uniform and controlled.  It had a sexiness to it as though he sounded this way when he made love.  Reaching out my right arm to grab him, I turned him to me.  It was my partner standing before me huffing and puffing.  He looked displeased, frown on his face as if annoyed I had been chasing him, or caught him.  Moments ago he had long hair half way down his back.  Now it was shorter as per his normal style.  He wore demon jeans and was shirtless.  His strong handsome body gleaming from sweat.  Instinctively I wanted to reach out and touch him, his chest, shoulders, arms.  As I reached out to hug him thankful for a familiar face amongst this strange world I found myself in, he ducked off behind a tree quick as a flash.  Moving like Cote.  When I rounded the tree he was nowhere to be seen.  Pivoting on the spot the world spun before me leaving me with a sense of vertigo.  Where had he gone?  I wanted him to come back.  I wanted him with me.  I woke just after picturing him driving off in the distance in a black jeep – in my mind’s eye as it is with dreams.  Somehow you see and know things your dream doesn’t shown you.  The dreaming changing just like that.

arrogance ignorance

We know more.  We've lived longer.  We've researched more.  You know nothing.  We we don't put up with ignorance.  We'll disrespect you while we're at it.  We're just speaking our mind.  If you can't hack it tough.  We ain't changing for no body.

Culling the weak.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Elders affect and influence the newbies and have the power to create path.  As a newbie if you hear that type of attitude.  An arrogance so deep it's disturbing.  You ain't telling yourself I want to be that when I grow up.  If knowing so much more means we get to put others down for not knowing as much under the guise that this is acceptable because we're just telling you how it is. No thanks.  As a newbie  that's not something we aspire to.  A path we're eager to pursue.  Can't wait til I know so much I can do the same.

Other elders will stand up for the disrespectful elders claiming they just don't want to put up with rubbish.  If you're wrong according to them they'll say so.  There is no teaching.

What? You can't say that without putting a person down?  You can't own your disrespect?  More bullshit.

Rudeness is rudeness and not something newbies aspire to.  No matter which way you spin it.