gender bender gender dysmorphia

i know not many, if anybody, reads this opinion piece and it's practically obscure .. still i want to weigh in on this important current affair.

i'm not an expert, my opinion isn't final, it's fluid with a view to understanding i'm not in this boat and can't know for sure.

dysmorphia meaning - deformity or abnormality in the shape or size of a specified part of the body.

generally when we speak of body dysmorphia we mean a false idea of what is wrong with a person, in that a person with body dysmorphia may perceive they have something wrong with them, i.e. obsessing that their thighs are too big when their thighs are actually fine.

anorexia comes to mind. though in truth an anorexic person usually knows they're not 'fat', instead they believe there is too much fat or body mass that still needs to be removed before things can be perfect and body/life can be controlled.

what if .. and hear me out .. gender dysmorphia is .. an illness much like anorexia? whereby the person feels they can control their body/life by living as whatever they perceive themselves to be while in actuality it fixes nothing?

what if .. gender fluidity is for certain and there are no male/female 'traits' only different ways of being? yet gender dysmorphia is just that .. dysmorphic?

what if .. no one is born in the wrong body, no one is born the wrong sex, people don't really identify as the opposite or no gender .. but in fact are simply their own unique being - i.e. a female who feels more masculine and is perceived (mistaken) as masculine while still remaining female (by way of no formal sex change operation) who decides they identify as they/them, because society has thrust upon them they're not a normal female, because of societal views placed upon how they should be/act?

what if having gender changing surgery is as malpractice as starving yourself into perfection/control? what if it's truly harming the people who have these operations thinking it will be their savoir yet the reality is they were fine the way they were/are, it's simply that society hasn't or wasn't accepting them for who/how they are?

what if .. masculine females and effeminate males are normal and always have been and people can still be biological male or female and still not like, do or behave the way society has labeled us all as having to behave? but this doesn't mean they're not their biological sex or they don't/can't identify as their biological sex. maybe feeling that way is actually dysmorphic?

what if your biological sex is still correct and right and ok .. it's just that those around you are not accepting of how you wish to behave and live, and therefore you/others perceive this as not being the right gender?

in the end how a person lives their lives is their business, and someone not living that experience has no right to control what the person does or doesn't do with their lives.

however, unlike anorexia, gender dysmorphia can harm others in that .. 

having gender operations can and are going very very wrong .. which utterly harms those whose operations didn't go right (it's really difficult to change an entire body to be something else and not all surgeons are good at it).

biological males joining female sports groups or competing against females (as a female) is harmful to other females (what of their rights?)

there are cases of men pretending to identify as females to access females and children in their sacred and protected spaces. how are females and children to tell the difference from a male who truly identifies as females and men who are pretending? how does one prove this!

there are cases of men who claim to identify as female, sexually abusing females and children, who then claim to be a female perpetrator. this is very harmful to all involved.

and if .. it is a mental illness, is it not harmful to accept it as (false) reality - much like accepting an anorexic persons' refusal to eat or that someone with schizophrenia doesn't actually have schizophrenia?

the answer seems simple. give those who identify as the opposite/no gender their own spaces:  toilets, change rooms, teams, groups - let them share those spaces with each other .. and leave those who identify as their biological/birth gender to their own spaces and places.

Where does racism stem from

racism = prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group

_ _ _ 

here in the land of oz it is assumed racism derived from colonisers - criminal white invaders who stole aboriginal land and killed them for standing up for their rights and that mentality has been passed on for generations (250 years).

it's far more complicated than that and here's why.

racism has existed for a very long time (perhaps since the dawn of time), long before white colonisers invaded oz, and all cultures and races are racist and xenophobic in some way.

half of my clan were colonisers, lived in oz for generations. the other half first generation oz.

i was raised being taught racism was wrong. maybe due to 1st gen clan being foreigners who experienced racism directly due to their skin colour and race.

my partner is 1st gen oz, he too was bullied for being foreign.

we are a non racist family, we raise our children not to be racist and i've had words with people who say racist things in my presence.

my son was set upon by a group of aboriginal boys while playing alone at a pool. i quickly jumped in and intervened. my son was shaking, scared, wanted to leave, so we did. he's still not racist towards aboriginal people.

he's now dating a 1st gen person of colour.

a lady i knew was bullied horrendously by aboriginal kids she went to school with. daily they would gang up on her and beat her up. not because shit was done to them by white folk but because my friend was an easy target. she was small, petite and walked home alone every afternoon.

i was also bullied by aboriginals as a very young child. we have aboriginal family (married into) and i was blessed enough to go live with them for a spell. i couldn't wait to make new friends and hang out with the other children but they bullied me and didn't want to play with me. i don't even know why, i was too young to understand their actions. it was most likely because i was an outsider.

in each of those cases the individuals were targeted and discriminated against based on them being a different race.

still i raised my children not to hate or discriminate. you cannot hate on a whole population for the actions of a few, otherwise i'd be disliking white people more because they've wrong me more than any other race.

if any aboriginal folk are reading this they'd be saying aboriginal folk were bullying white folk because of their own history of being mistreated by white folk.

nope. i say it's a learned thing, learned from adults talking about how bad others are, influencing their young-in's to hate and discriminate - doing the very thing they say they hate being done to them. like it's ok for aboriginal kids to beat up white kids because colonisers invaded 250 years ago and white folk are more racist to there .. 

yeah nah!

on the flip side, i know a 1st gen greek woman who is hella racist! she's not part of the white colonisers, white oz. she, herself, was bullied for being foreign (the hypocrisy does not escape me) yet she is still racist. why? because she learned it from adults talking about how bad others are. and she's not alone in her prejudiced. many 1st gen arrivals are super racist even when coming from countries that don't have white colonisers who pushed their white oz agenda.

asian's look down on white folk because they're inferior. the mayans looked down on the spanish invaders right from the get go, long before the shit hit the fan. aboriginal tribes killed and murdered other aboriginals tribes which in itself is a form of xenophobia (dislike of others) and discrimination.

racism really is something all races do, not just white folk, and something we are actually getting better and better at not doing.

and if white colonisers are the cause of racism today
1) why did racism exist long before they took over oz?
[think vikings invading england and the racism that went on then between two populations with the same skin colour.]
2) why does racism exist in countries where the people aren't white?
3) why aren't all colonisers racist?
4) why are some (many?) 1st gen oz arrivals racist outside of the colonisers reach?
5) why do whites treat their own kind poorly as well?
[think chains, corporal punishment and imprisonment of white folk for minor crimes i.e. stealing bread]

i put it to you that racism in oz doesn't just exist because of white colonisers handing down prejudices to future generations - it's too easy, too cliche, to blame in on white folk who came here 250 years ago. it also denies the current reasons for racism. it exists because there are still a great many people out their who didn't get the memo that everyone is equal. this has little to do with something that happened 250 years ago and more to do with current xenophobic views of others/us/them - taught and learned by people the world over.

keep in mind more and more people are leaving racist views behind as they learn to accept others as equal. we are living in the most peaceful and understanding time since known history and this is improving all the time.

suicide

every one's calling it unaliving like the s word is a dirty word

they say the person i know who is missing would never do that

they don't know

you don't know

i don't know

i come across to those who know me as planning out a future for myself, i've got and make plans

there's no way i'll do myself in.

i'm going places

but

when i get intoxicated

drunk and other stuff

i can
get really down, reaching the darkest corners of my mind

i thought life would be like, i thought i'd be, i thought i'd like it more, be happier, surrounded by loved ones, gatherings, dancing, singing, laughing, be something, amount to something

and it's/i'm not

when sober i suffer this, so what, that's life (as cousins said)

i go it, i get by

but

sometimes i image wandering into the wilderness never to be seen again

and it won't matter

it is what it is

you don't know me

know my darkest thoughts 

ode to mia mamma no 1

you said i'm your best friend

yet you never took my side

you asked me to pay for things

you gave to others for free

you pointed out my imperfections

to my face and to others

i'd talk to you, tell you my side

and not be believed when your heard their's

that's not how best friends treat each other

you didn't have my back

or my best interests at heart

you've never really been there for me

never truly done anything for me

and falsely claim i'mm your best friend

what you provide is not friendship

let alone best friends

ode to mia mamma no 2

when i did it i was scrooge, tight arse, not generous

all of age 18

he was well into not giving well into adulthood

he was never scrooge, tight arse, not generous

he didn't know any better, you excused

because you're not calling him names, making him, asking him, coaching him

i've been more giving to you than he's ever been!

but i'm the tight wad

never letting the moths out of my purse

til death do we part

pretend friends : story 1

we're not friends. we simply know each other.

thought there could be at the start. she'd said something about me & beau needing to spend time with her and her bf coz they're going really amazing, after she heard of our struggles. beau could learn from them, she said. watch the love birds interact and learn.

her and another pretend friend invited me to their birthday event and as soon as i arrived they plied with me drinks on the notion 'i needed to catch up.'

you must drink, passes a shotty, i see they have an empty glass or two, we've already had a few, you need to catch up... another shotty. and yet .. it seems like they're not drinking as much as they've given me. in quick succession.

i'm soon drunk around 2 peeps i don't know well and while they'll keep me safe, i'm not safe from their judgement. but it's a new friendship and i don't know that yet. but i sense it. i'm an idiot drunk that night, going up to strangers and drunkedly talking to them. idiot.

i crave conversation and someone to dance with, and they don't understand, and it's emotionally embarrassing.

then we're invited for dinner, all the families. it doesn't go that well. the men are segregated at a table outside surrounded by a neglected dull garden. the lasses are inside, chatting away nicely, children in another room. no mingling. the men join us later but it doesn't flow well, feels forced. i think one man goes to bed early.

next day or so she sends a text saying they're not looking to add extra friends to their already full friendship list. you understand.

no worries. all good, i reply. we're ousted yet unsure why.

from there we catch up sporadically and they only conversation they have with me is ragging out an ex mutual friend. i'm soon bored of the topic, keep changing the subject, and it keeps coming back to ragging. people who rag others rag you. my spidey senses are tingling in an unenjoyable way.

i stop suggesting catchups, then stop saying yes to invites.

we're not really friends. it's just pretend. i don't think any of us get any thing out of it.

The right to abortion

it amazes me, in this day and age, that people want to have laws that force pregnancies upon females (women & girls, because young girls fall pregnant too).

this is not the dark ages. this is not a time of ignorance and intolerance (well it is .. but it shouldn't be.)

and what of the males (men & boys) who get females pregnant? what happens to them? are they forced to pay for said abortions? will they be in trouble for the females unwanted pregnancies?

most of the females i know who've had abortions had them because the male who had gotten them pregnant didn't want to stay with them, didn't want the baby or didn't want to pay for the raising of the baby. it was his idea not hers. his enforcement.

there are still many females who willing choose abortion over having a baby, as is their right. if a male can forfeit all rights and responsibilities while should females be forced to go through with a birth?

not everyone will have an enjoyable, healthy, safe pregnancy. why force it on someone?

not everyone will make a good parent. why force it on someone?

not all babies will be born healthy and happy. why force it on someone / society?

i get we live in a time of survival of all, instead of survival of the fittest, and it's no longer acceptable to remove severely disable people from the community, even though some disabilities will be and are a drain on the economy and that person will not have a good life .. but a mere existence.

why are we so insistent of the birth and survival of all?

it's not like the world isn't over populated already. it's not like we don't have all these other children in need of care right now, who are abused, neglected, tortured, raped etc. while little is done to help them.

will all those who believe abortion is wrong be forced to foster children since they wholeheartedly believe all life is important .. or will they get to sit in their glass houses judging others who choose not too have children?

do those who believe in anti-abortion eat meat? meat is murder. why do fetus lives matter while animals lives do not?

do those who believe in anti-abortion watch pornography? pornography is the suffering, abuse and torture of people. who are they to say that abortion is wrong yet abuse of people is ok.

do those who believe in anti-abortion abuser others, judge others, hate others. why is one sin seen as ok while another sin is not?

if those who are anti-abortion believe in god and that is the reason they see abortion as wrong, then they need to be quiet and leave it in gods hands. for if god truly does believe abortion is wrong (even though the bible is full of tales of god asking followers to kill) it will be taken care of come judgement day, yes? no need for man to get involved at all right!

at the end of they day we are but mere ants. we live. we die. we're forgotten. lives goes on.

move on.

get over it.