50 shades of wrong

50 shades of grey is 50 shades of wrong. the moral of the story was not 'bdsm is erotic so every one should try it'. the moral of the story was about abuse being passed on from one person to another and how damaging that is.

mr grey had the potential to be a normal well adjusted human being until some older woman got her hands on him and bdsm'd him into a damaged person. he then passed this damage onto his virginal assistant thereby fucking her up for the rest of her life.

there is no erotica in that. only abuse and damage.

yet females talk about this story like: i found the book so erotic, i wouldn't mind someone tying me up ..

the amount of people thinking they wanted to give bdsm a go increased after this book hit the markets without people having any understanding of a few key (vital) points.

1) bdsm has certain rules and codes the parties must adhere to such as a code word for STOP i'm not enjoying this!

2) studies shows that 99% of those who participate in bdsm are using it to deal with sexual trauma of some type. e.g. a female who has been raped now goes into bdsm relationships with men where they are tied up and controlled because this gives her a (false) sense of security. as apposed to having her sexual trauma treated professionally. using bdsm in this way .. she will always remain damaged.

empowerment does not equal control over others. if you have the need to control others you are not in a position of power and what you're doing won't give you that power.

empowerment equals freedom and equality.

census vs privacy

the census wants to know the current address, the name, sex, date of birth, relationship, marital status, origin, usual address, address one year ago, address five years ago, citizenship, country of birth, where mother and father were born, language spoken, who well english is known, ancestry, religion, how able, any need of assistance, any educational institution, type of educational system, highest level completed, extra certification, highest qualification, completed when, how many live births, total income, their job, self employed or have an employer, incorporated or not, how many people employed, person's occupation, main tasks, business name, workplace address, industry, goods produced, hours worked, transport to work, actively looking for work, unpaid domestic work, unpaid care, unpaid childcare, voluntary work, persons who usually live at dwelling, sex, date of birth or age, origin, relationship, how many bedrooms, what type of dwelling, rented, cost, access the internet, agree to name and address and other information being kept for 99 years, signature.

this is to help with infrastructure: roads, public transport, hospitals, churches, housing, schools ..

one might wonder what has a person's private address got to do with this, what does the birth place of their parents have to do with this, what does their signature have to do with this, their marital status, the full names of their children, where they lived previously, how many births ..

a lot of this information would be available in each municipality via rates, how many students attend local schools, kindergartens, how many children apply and can't fit in, letters and communications written to local councils from residents asking for infrastructure, company tax returns, company registrations and abn's, social security applications, and all manner of government databases of information ..

much of what is requested on the form is highly private information that isn't specifically needed to work out infrastructure such as full name, date of birth and address, place of parents birth, and just like voting in australia it is compulsory or be fined - which is not the democratic way. people should be given a choice if they want to supply this information and if so how much.

this legislation was brought in, in 1905, before anybody alive today even had a choice or a vote and in the act it says in section part II 8A (b) "a person has consented, in accordance with the form, to the information contained in the form being transferred to the custody of the archives under this section;"
it doesn't talk about whether or not a person consents to filling in the form to begin with - just they they HAVE to.

none of it helps with regard to important issues like homelessness (who aren't counted in the census), sexual inequality, porn addiction and the ramifications, lack of decent sex ed, global warming, how many people are apposed to fracking, gm foods, corporate greed, corporate raping of the planet .. all those big key issues the average joe never gets a real say in.

if you're going to collect date keep it impersonal and keep it real. make it about stuff that really matters.

the predator

his perspective is his behavior was normal and nothing out of the ordinary. he did nothing wrong.

her side of the story:
they became friends at work, he seemed ok even though he was into things that made her wonder about him. porn, gonzo porn, said the girls wanna be there and he's not wrong for liking it even if a girl is being hurt. she's wondering if he can still be a decent person if he's into that, or not?
they talked about their relationships. her's was with a manipulative liar who constantly tried to convince her, her forebodings were all in her head. his last relationship had been a while ago. when she spoke of her relationship he was supportive and sympathetic, saying the guy wasn't decent and she could do better.
the thing they talked about most was their views on friendships between males and females. she was saying how she felt (towards him), for e.g. she said it bothered her that females couldn't be friends with males without them expecting it to lead to sex. why couldn't they just genuinely be friends? why must there be conditions. he agreed on all points, saying what she wanted to hear. (she did not know this at the time).
one night there is a work party. she has just split up with her bf and although she understands it's a good move she is yet to come to terms with her new life emotionally. at the party she drinks a little too much, drowning out her sorrows. she thinks she's safe, among friends.
she cries on the shoulders of a few friends that night, including his. after talking for a while he suggests she come back to his place so he can be a shoulder for her lean on. she accepts. at the end of the night they leave together.
back at his place he sits on one chair, she sits on another. he tries a number of different ways to get her to come over to him. eventually bringing her to sit on his knee. she moves away from his advances several times because she feels they're crossing the friendship boundaries, and she's not ready for anything after just spitting up with her bf. she thought he understood this.
the night goes on and he eventually, subtly, physically persuades her to be intimate with him. she can retrace the steps in her mind but still wonders how it happened, how she couldn't get him to notice her rejections. not wanting to be all out rude and say 'i don't want to have sex with you, she worried he'd reject her as a friend. thinking her saying no would ruin their friendship and she still thought he meant the things he'd said and was a decent guy.
so when she found herself in a position of powerlessness, unable to say no, the alcohol reducing her strength and resolve, regretting having gone back to his house, kicking herself for not realising this was his intention all along, she let things happen. though nothing as drastic as intercourse because thankfully she had her period, a reason to say no, even though he kept trying to persuade her to have sex with him anyway, but she wasn't into that.
still he put the moves on and, at one point when she began passing out from tiredness, he woke her by grabbing her hand and shoving it onto his man-thing. wanting her to at least finish him off if she wasn't going to put out.

they met at a park a day or so later after and he kept trying to hug and kiss her while she kept pulling away, telling him she only wants to be friends and hopes the other night doesn't ruin their friendship. over the course of a few days he starts being quite in-her-face. doing things like pulling her into him for a hug, grabbing her as she passes him, wanting to visit her place or have her visit him. as memories of the other night came back to her, along with his actions since, she begins to realise he's trying to force the situation and acting entitled because it's not falling into place.
she eventually talks to him about his actions on the night, telling him how she feels about him having crossed the friendship line and feeling that he's deliberately ignoring her rejections even though she's being clear about not wanting him in that way. at work he begins to make snide remarks to others as well as being outright antagonistic with her. saying disparaging things about girls in the sex industry and how they're asking for it. she begins to see another side of him and realises he was just playing the part of nice guy.

when he eventually hears here version of that night, that he took advantage of her after her breakup with her bf, played upon her drunken state and ignored her protestations, he is taken aback. he fell into victim role telling others that she was accusing him of being sexual predator and how she was threatening to call the police on him. she wonders how the story got so convoluted while thinking 'but you are a sexual predator, you just don't see it. you pray upon vulnerable girls and have no issue with it, even after they tell you how the situation made them feel'.

and she wanted to believe that a guy into gonzo porn could still be a decent person but this guy made it all about himself and his sexual entitlement. she was female, she has a vagina, she was in the same room as him, therefore she owes him and there is nothing wrong with his actions, even though she tried to push him away and move away from him several times and say no. what he heard was yes because i'm male, you're female, and the girls in porn want it so give it to me.

are you a sexual predator?